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Parenting Personal Development Uncategorized

Why many relationships fail – lack of energetic linkage

I love the Voice Dialogue work of Hal and Sidra Stone. In this short video they are explaining how many relationships end when the partners have not maintained ‘energetic linkage’ with each other. At the start of a relationship we feel ‘connected’ very strongly and it is that connection that feeds the relationship and keeps it strong.

If either partner moves the majority of their energetic focus elsewhere the connection withers and eventually dies. This happens quite commonly when one partner may get focused more on work or a hobby. The majority of their attention is focused on that and not on the relationship, so the partners start to feel less close. Over time they drift apart until they no longer feel any connection with each other.  It is very sad when this happens.

There does not necessarily need to be conflict, it is just a loss of connection and closeness. A common time when this occurs is with the birth of the first child. The wife may focus the majority of her attention on the child and the husband can feel left out. Not understanding why he feels sad or alone he may focus his time and energy on his work, his car, a hobby e.g. the Ipad / computer or start an affair to get the emotional connection from another source.

Sadly many people don’t talk about the growing void in the relationship, the feeling of loss or disconnection. Perhaps, they don’t want to risk acknowledging their vulnerability or they may try to do so but feel unheard. They then shut down further, turning their focus elsewhere. It is common for a woman to focus her energy and time on the kids or with her girlfriends. These provide her with the nourishment she had been missing, but it reinforces the energetic connection with them and not the partner. If the relationship is to survive the main energetic connection needs to be with the partner.

It doesn’t take a lot of time or effort to keep your energetic linkage strong – just take a few minutes each day to connect emotionally, to look into each others’ eyes and really be present with each other. Talk from the heart sharing what you are going through. Once a week or so go out and do something together that you both enjoy. The more you nurture the connection the stronger it will be. Even just holding the intent for their to be a strong connection helps – it reverberates out and the other will feel it energetically.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Fhn2bGY66So]

Categories
Personal Development Self help techniques Uncategorized

Decision making

Sometimes it can be challenging to make a decision. Here are some helpful concepts from Susan Jeffer’s fabulous book ‘Feal the Fear and do it anyway’. Below is a table you can use to help you think through the implications of each action you are considering.

If I choose this course of action
The self
Gains for self Acceptable to me because: Not acceptable to me because:
Losses for self Acceptable to me because: Not acceptable to me because:
Significant others
Gains for significant others Acceptable to me because: Not acceptable to me because:
Losses for significant others Acceptable to me because: Not acceptable to me because:
Life balance
Gains for life balance Acceptable to me because: Not acceptable to me because:
Losses for life balance Acceptable to me because: Not acceptable to me because:

I find the below diagrams and summaries useful in reminding me that there is no wrong action to take. If we don’t like the results we get we can just change course. It is also helpful to realise that not taking action is a decision too! One that we often make over and over while we worry and procrastinate.

no win decisionno lose decision

Categories
Healing from child abuse Personal Development

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Categories
Healing from child abuse Personal Development Self help techniques

Accessing your inner heart – meditation

Connecting to your heart is the greatest gift you can give yourself and the greatest challenge, for to feel the joy of the heart you first have to feel all its pain and burden buried from the past. Peeling these layers off leads you back to joy, happiness, peace and love – eternal love, feelings of aliveness and contentment – the ability to just BE.

Accessing the heart is easy when we feel courageous enough to go there. Just tune in to it, set your focus, your intention on your heart, close your eyes and imagine entering inside your heart space. Here you will be met by whatever you most need to feel and release. It may be sadness, grief, anger or rage. It may be a feeling of numbness, loneliness and isolation. It may be fear or terror. Breathe through it all.

Your heart space may appear dark – turn on a light, open the curtains, strike a match – whatever feels right to you and see what you can see. Set about cleaning the space, removing clutter, dust and cobwebs and decorating it into a cosy, warm, inviting space. This is how you start to re-enliven your heart space. It tells your heart you are willing to listen, to see and feel what needs to be felt. You are willing to connect and come home to your true self.

Often when I do this exercise, I find younger versions of myself hidden away in caves or corners, in the dark, cold and wet. These parts split off when I was younger due to their being too much emotional pain, fear or loss. When I find these parts I automatically start crying tears of relief. I scoop the younger me up and bring them into my heart space. I hug them, tell them they are loved and safe now, that they never have to be alone again. I become the loving parent to that part of myself. After they have been bathed, fed and clothed we sit in my heart space and talk and play, then they rest knowing they are finally home. It is a beautiful feeling.

While this appears symbolic to the mind, it is real to the body. The body stored the pain, the terror and loss. It is locked away in our cells as cellular memory and it needs to be released for us to be fully healthy and vital. So each time you do this process and you free another part of your self you truly are healing and coming back to a state of fullness, innocence and peace. Well worth the effort!

Let your imagination guide you and take you where you need to go. You may see bats fly out of a hidden space or ice melting symbolically showing frozen emotions are thawing. It all has meaning! If you are strongly mind-oriented you may find this difficult to do. Keep doing it and you will open up more and more. Even if all you see / feel is darkness and silence sit with it, breathe and see what happens, what you feel. If your mind comes in saying this is pointless or stupid, just thank it for trying to protect you. Your mind has helped you avoid the pain for many years, it becomes automatic and so it will feel uncomfortable changing that pattern and choosing to feel. Persevere and one day you may find rainbows and treasure in your heart space, joy and celebration as you settle in to your true home.

Blessed BE, Jodi-Anne

Categories
Conscious Evolution Personal Development Uncategorized

Snippets of wisdom…

Snippets of wisdom channeled July 2013.

Follow your heart. It will lead you where you most need to go – to be on purpose, on love and on bliss. For you can have these feelings all the time if you allow it.

Listen to your heart it will tell you what you need to do to have health, happiness and inner peace.So breathe into your heart. Visualise golden light awakening and enlivening it and let that light shine forth – soothing and awakening all souls you come in contact with. Spread love and light wherever you go and you will be a powerful servant of God – without even uttering a word.

You don’t have to have the answers or any knowledge. Just an open heart, that is all that is needed. Needed so much in all of society. Blessed BE. Light the way and enjoy each and every day as you live your life in gratitude and joy for all things.

Categories
Conscious Evolution Healing from child abuse Personal Development

Snippets of wisdom…

Snippets of wisdom channeled July 2013.

Life is what life is. Its going to happen regardless. You can choose to judge it, fight it, be angry or miserable about it or you can choose to enjoy it and accept it.

Categories
Conscious Evolution Healing from child abuse Personal Development

Snippets of wisdom…

Snippets of wisdom channeled June 2013.

You don’t have to have a complex life. You don’t have to save the world, find the solutions. It is okay to do work you enjoy. It is okay to choose a simple life that fulfills you and brings you joy. This is the goal! To move beyond ego, beyond searching and seeking and be simple and still. To accept and flow with what is. To love life, serve yourself and others being anchored in God’s love.

This was a powerful message for me from my higher self. For most of my life I have felt driven to ‘save the world’, to ‘save Mother Earth’, to find the solutions for sustainability. I have known for a long time that this compulsive drive stemmed from my childhood conditioning – from wanting to save my Mother from an abusive husband (my step-dad), and from wanting to succeed enough that my Dad might take me back, might love me. My Dad loves nature and I spent a lot of time in nature with him when I was a young child, so in my mind it seemed natural to think that if I achieved in the sustainability field it would matter to him. Despite knowing the source of this pattern and the fact that my desire to rescue Mother Earth was just a projection of my needing to save myself, the pattern has remained in place. Partly because I didn’t feel that I was a worthwhile human being unless I was being of service to the Earth or to others. I felt unwanted, unlovable, and unsafe interacting with the world. I hid who I really was behind the work-a-holic, super achiever. This helped me cope, but it didn’t lead to happiness. It led to a lot of seclusion and ultimately depression when I finally faced the fact that success meant nothing.

Since that realisation I have done a lot of soul searching and reprogramming of my subconscious beliefs to know that I am lovable, I am good enough, I am wanted and worthwhile. This helped and for the last few years I have focused more on honouring myself and living a simple life. I have only worked part time and I haven’t focused on achieving very much at all. I live in the country surrounded by nature and I grow my own vegies, collect fire wood for our wood heater and compost our food scraps. This way of living makes my heart sing. I am at peace amongst nature and in the quietude of life. But too much isolation isn’t healthy either! Too much isolation leads to loneliness and eventually depression.

So now I’m venturing back out into the world and aiming to have balance between working and living simply. It is an interesting process watching the old stuff come up and being grateful that I can just lovingly dismiss it. I am not hooked by it. I don’t have to achieve. I don’t have to ‘save’ anyone or anything. It is okay for me to relax and enjoy life. It is okay for me to play and let people close. It is okay for me to love and follow my heart. It is okay for me to marry and have a baby. It has taken a long time to reach this place of peace. There has been lots of resistance, lots of grief and lots of fear. A big part of me would prefer to hide forever and keep people at a distance. But not my heart. My heart wants to love fully and deeply, to honour all who I come in contact with, including myself. I know now it is okay to be me. That it is enough and that it is all I need to do. It’s time to enjoy life and being me!!

Categories
Conscious Evolution Healing from child abuse Personal Development

Snippets of wisdom….

Snippets of wisdom channeled June 2013.

You went through what was needed to get you to God and it worked. Now you must live in both worlds.

You are second guessing the Divine and that is always pointless.

Just because you can’t see how it is going to work out, doesn’t mean it won’t. You are required to trust and have faith.

Sometimes it is tempting to question what the hell is going on here on Earth. I mean, seriously, do we have to go through so much pain and suffering? Do we have to become so lost in despair before we can find peace and happiness? The answer, for me, is yes. If life was all rosy and easy then we wouldn’t turn to God for help, we wouldn’t surrender to a higher power. We would live simply from the ego fulfilling our every desire and focused on achieving more, having more pleasure, and getting more material stuff. This is true for a lot of people. There may be some saints out there who go beyond the ego level without suffering first, but they are far and few in between.

It is often the case that people only open up to a higher purpose in life once they have hit rock bottom. Once they have tried all that they can do to heal themselves or lift themselves up out of the painful situation that they are in. It is when we fall to our knees in desperation and we call out to a God we may not even believe in or believe can help us, that we start to surrender, that we start to separate from the ego and to embrace a new possibility.

For me, and many I know, it was my pain that caused me to open to a wider version of life than I ever knew was possible. I embraced personal growth, spirituality and eventually God. I reveled in the peace, the love, the joy that was found in such communities. The safe space that was created when wounded but loving people joined together in search of healing and happiness. I LOVED THIS! But I embraced it so much I stopped interacting in the real world. I lost focus on my career, on life. All I wanted to do was healing type activities and spend time with healing focused people. I lost balance. I lived in my higher chakras and not my lower chakras.

To be truly healthy we need to live in both worlds, to interact with all people and to spread love where ever we go. It doesn’t matter what your job is, you can spread love with those you interact with – be it just a smile, a kind word, a listening ear. You can positively impact all that you come in contact with, just by being YOU, just by being patient, kind and loving. That is being of service. You don’t have to go live in an ashram or give up all your material possessions. You just need balance – a foot in each world. We are spiritual beings in human bodies living an Earthly life.

Categories
Conscious Evolution Healing from child abuse Personal Development

Snippets of wisdom….

Snippets of wisdom channeled June 2013.

Follow your intuition, when it guides you to something but otherwise just BE, turn within – the answers you seek are there.

Don’t force yourself to do anything. Wait until you want to do something then do it.

This advice was given to me by my higher self when I was struggling to do what I felt I needed to do. I felt overburdened emotionally and physically with my to do list. Spirit advised me to be kind to myself, to not force myself to keep doing, doing, doing. This has been one of my biggest patterns this lifetime – I value work and achieving and have seen resting as foolish and lazy. Of course keeping busy means you don’t have to feel the emotions building inside, you can keep shoving them down until of course they explode! Not an effective coping mechanism in the long run.

I find it hard to shut off if I have something I feel I need to do. But I have followed my higher self’s advice often enough to know it is true. If I force myself to mark those assignments or do that task which I don’t really feel like doing, I end up doing it but it s hard work, I’m resentful and exhausted by it. Whereas if I trust that I don’t feel like it for a reason, if I go off and read a book, go for a walk, or call a friend – if I honour my needs first – then sure enough a time does come when I am willing to do the task and I can now do it from a place of love and joy. Sometimes it seems like time is running out, but the task always gets done. A burst of energy comes when needed. I am learning to trust this process and surrender into grace, into God’s timing not my timing.

Categories
Conscious Evolution Personal Development

Snippets of wisdom….

Snippets of wisdom channeled May – June 2013.

Just do what makes you happy.

You don’t need fixing neither does anyone else. Just spread love.

When you feel despair know that you’ve lost resonance – you’ve lowered energy and gone into shadow – so do a balancing process and reconnect to your radiant self, to God and to your heart.

Many of us feel like we need fixing, like there is something wrong with us, that we’re not good enough or not okay as we are. In reality that is just our perception based on a lot of conditioning from the past. When we fall into this way of thinking it is easy to beat ourselves up, to become angry or upset, to fall into despair and grief. The black hole can get bigger and bigger depending on our thinking patterns and the actions we take.

When you start to beat yourself up, stop, take a deep breath and a step back. Try to witness what is going on and to see where you are feeling vulnerable. What is it that has been triggered? What is it that you are afraid of? Send yourself love. Give yourself the consolation and comfort that you need. Be the good parent to your own inner child.

We actually are all perfect as we are. Any damage we carry is just emotional baggage that can be released. We are still whole and complete underneath it. We just have to release the baggage and take off all those layers of protection that keep us feeling small and behaving that way.

To do that all we need to do is to accept our self and how we are feeling. So instead of beating your self up, stop, breathe, recognise the pattern and the thoughts. Send love to your self and the parts of you that are hurting. Breathe into your heart chakra and connect with your emotions. Allow them to flow through you. Just breathe. If you need to scream, scream. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to release rage do so – just do it in a way that does not hurt you or anyone else. Some people yell, some people punch a punching bag, go for a long walk or run, do whatever you need to do to shift the emotion. And know it is just that emotion. Once you release it you can balance back up.

Many of us are afraid to release our emotions, afraid that if we let some of it out, the rest will come pouring out and over whelm us. It’s okay. Support yourself through the process. If you need to have a friend with you, do so or if you need to have someone you can ring if you really struggle then arrange it. If you need to see a therapist to help you learn the skills of emotional release and balancing then do so. Whatever works for you is okay. There’s no need to keep swallowing it and pushing it down. You don’t need to punish yourself any more. Let freedom in. Make space for it by clearing out the old emotions and baggage. Create space for love, joy, laughter and peace. It is well worth the effort!