Tag: relationships

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Personal Development Relationships

How do you recognise when a relationship no longer serves you?

It can be hard to know when to let go and when to hold on. In this video, I discuss some signs to watch out for to help you get clarity.

Relationships occur to support your growth and expand your understanding of life. Through conflict and challenges in relationships, you learn to see your conditioning, your patterning and what it is you need to heal.

Simply leaving one partner and moving to the next one will result in repeating the lesson and confrontation which will surface once again hoping you will heal it and resolve the issue. Once you heal the issue inside you, you no longer need to manifest it in the outside world.

So how to tell if the conflict you face in a relationship is leading to beneficial growth and therefore is still a useful, supportive relationship or if it is time to leave? That is the million-dollar question.

If your relationship is generally happy, filled with love and supportive of you and your growth, then it is beneficial. If your partner accepts you as you are, cares for you and wants the best for you then it is clear that this is a beneficial relationship in which you can continue to grow.

Life will never be completely easy and relationships will always have their ups and downs. The challenge is not to run away too early or throw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak.

It is a time of tumultuous growth on Earth. Much is being asked of you all and you are clearing out dense emotions and energy at a rapid rate. There are going to be times when you or your partner are bogged down in their stuff, where they are not able to see the light of day, where they appear stuck and hopeless. Will you love them at this point or leave them? Love stays. Love heals. Love reconnects the wounds within to the light of love and freedom.

Love and support each other through these challenges. See the good in each other, not the weaknesses. See the growth and changes occurring in all beings you interact with.

While there is love and support a relationship is worthwhile. When the love is gone or there is meanness, harshness and selfishness, then perhaps it is time to part. But not beforehand and don’t go too soon, as it may just be a healing crisis that can be worked through resulting in elevated energy/vibration for all.

Trust life to guide you forth. If you are meant to leave you will get a clear message. If you are confused then it is not time to go. Look at your own stuff to heal, focus there and keep healing your own stuff, raising your vibration and welcoming greater love and light into your heart, body and mind.

You are a being of love. It is only the wounds that stop you from seeing it and feeling it. Don’t reject yourself or others. Love them. Love them all. It is love that heals and reunites us.

If you are being abused by a partner by all means leave. But if there is love there, support and encouragement – see it, value it, appreciate it.

If you can talk heart to heart and connect deeply that is a gift, a powerful healing opportunity guiding you both to wholeness. Don’t turn away from such love because it is not your version of perfection.

All relationships will have challenges, that is what they are designed for. They help you clear out your conditioning and patterning. Will you love or reject the other when they are less than perfect? You too are less than perfect. Do they accept you? Are you being less loving than them?

It can be very complicated to see through all the projections and wounded aspects to see into the heart of the other. But try to do so. In their heart they are still pure, innocent souls. Each just needs love and acceptance to help them unlock the door to their heart and let their light shine.

That is why we bond in a relationship. We are looking for someone to love us as we are, which gives us permission to consider that we are worthy of love and are okay even with our wounds. When we feel this, we can let our guard down, the defences and walls dissolve and we can be vulnerable, authentic and intimate.

Without that acceptance, we don’t feel safe to expose our tender hearts and heal our deepest wounds. It is the love and safety that comes with intimacy – seeing into another’s true essence, that heals us both, all who participate in it. Be that loving. Be that supportive of each other and your relationship will continue to grow and evolve.

That is the goal of life – to evolve into conscious and loving light beings while living here on Earth. If you can still your mind and go deep within to the still place of your heart, you will hear the truth about your relationship and you will know what to do. The answers are within you, you just have to have the courage to hear them and the sense to patiently wade through all the static-like noise that comes from your projections and mind chatter.

Never take action rashly. Never leave or attack the other when you are feeling threatened/defensive/rageful. Breathe through those emotions and work through your stuff, so you come to a place of balance before talking to your partner or friend about the situation. In this way, you respond with honesty and love for both of you, as opposed to reacting full of initial emotion, which does not necessarily represent how you really feel.

You can use Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) to help you to release your frustration, stress and tension. It will help you to complete unfinished trauma activations from the past, so that you can relax, be more present and see how you feel based on today’s information, rather than being driven by past pain and disappointments.

TRE can help you to balance your nervous system, body and mind. It helps you to reach a place of greater peace and calm where you can enjoy socially interacting with others, not seeing threats or dangers where none is present.

Trust life to lead you forth. Let go of needing to control it all or figure it out. If you are confused it is not time to leave. It is time to look within and heal the buttons being pushed and the wounds beneath them.

Relationships are not meant to be warm and fuzzy all the time. They are tools for growth and learning how to love fully, accepting another as they are – not directing them to be your ideal man or woman.

They are who they are, accept them. Don’t try to change them or control them. That will only result in resentment and frustration on both sides. No one likes to be told they are not okay or not good enough. No one deserves to be treated that way.

Love everyone you come in contact with. That is what we all need, to open our hearts and become our true, authentic selves. So choose peace and happiness. Don’t take things personally and accept each other as you grow and evolve in love. That is how it should be. Blessed BE. Amen.

In this video, Jodi-Anne explores ‘How do you recognise when a relationship no longer serves you?’ It is one of over 100 questions she has asked about life and channelled an answer through automatic writing. All of these answers to questions about life, how to live peacefully and happily are available for free on the ‘Life Insights‘ page of her website.

Categories
Conscious Evolution Personal Development Relationships Self help techniques

How do you know when leaving is your best option?

This week I’m sharing a video on when to stay or go from a relationship. As conscious, loving beings we often stay longer in a relationship than may be beneficial for us. We keep hoping our love, our sharing, our acceptance of the other will lead to their growth, to improvements in the way the other relates to us and the world. We hope our love is enough to prompt change in the other.

If we stay too long we can become exhausted, angry and resentful. No matter what we do it won’t be enough if the other person doesn’t want to heal, to look within feel and grow. If they are content with the status quo it is pointless staying if you are not being treated how you would like, if your heart is feeling taken advantage of or neglected by the other.

You owe it to yourself to honour your own needs and leave. Trust you will be taken care of by life. You will be guided forward to what you need most and in time that may include a more loving, heartfelt partner who can meet you with an open heart.

Like attracts like. Keep healing your pain, your hurts and treat yourself with love and kindness. No partner will meet all of your needs. You need to meet your own needs so you can then interact from a place of overflowing love and join from that space.

In this video, Jodi-Anne explores ‘How do you know when leaving is your best option?’ It is one of over 100 questions she has asked about life and channelled an answer through automatic writing. All of these answers to questions about life, how to live peacefully and happily are available for free on the ‘Life Insights‘ page of her website.

Categories
Conscious Evolution Personal Development Relationships

How do you accept where people are at?

Here’s a video exploring how to accept where people are at. We all have different levels of emotional and spiritual awareness. We are all healing and evolving at a rate we can handle. When those you love appear to be in a different place to you it can be tempting to rescue them or judge them as less aware, but that isn’t helpful or even true.

From a larger perspective, some of us can be very egotistical about spirituality and what we think is right. Each person has to find their own truth, their own way to their heart and to live from that space. The best thing we can do to help is to focus on love and acceptance, coming from our own hearts, so that we are anchoring that vibration for the benefit of all.

In this video, Jodi-Anne explores ‘How do you accept where people are at?’ It is one of over 100 questions she has asked about life and channelled an answer through automatic writing. All of these answers to questions about life, how to live peacefully and happily are available for free on the ‘Life Insights‘ page of her website.

Categories
Family Constellations Healing from child abuse Personal Development

Do we need to forgive?

This short video explores forgiveness and whether or not we need to forgive. I hope you find it useful. Many blessings, Jodi-Anne

Many people say that to have peace we need to forgive those who have hurt us, to let go of the pain and any resentment, judgement, hate or anger we may feel towards the other person. It is true if we hold onto these emotions we are keeping ourselves stuck in the energy of the past events and keeping it alive in our bodies. By focusing on the “wrongdoing” we keep our self reliving it and replaying it in life, as we attract in other similar situations – in a subconscious attempt to heal the wound.

If we have formed beliefs that the world is dangerous or people can’t be trusted or everyone’s out to get me, then we live life with that viewpoint. 

Our eyes can’t perceive all the data that is there when we look at a scene. Millions of bits of information are sent to our brain which filters it based on our beliefs of what is most vital for us to see for our survival, our well being. So if we are locked in fight or flight or trauma from the past with beliefs that we are in danger all the time, then that is what the data gets searched for and we only see that subset of information about the scene we are viewing. We don’t notice the beauty, the love being shown between people or animals and their owners, etc, we just see the potential dangers, threats and situations to avoid in order to best protect ourselves. It is a self-protection mechanism called a ‘negativity bias’. It is an evolutionary tool, a mechanism that makes sense biologically to keep us alive.

The sad part is that if you have those types of negative beliefs or buried trauma inside your body you miss out on seeing and feeling all the goodness in life that is there waiting for you to see it, to let it in, to trust and believe it is possible, that you deserve it and to accept it. You are worthy of good things, of fun, of love, of laughter and joy. You are worthy of wealth, an abundance of food, shelter, clothing, health, etc.

The world is abundant, there is goodness out there, all around us, we just have to do the work to heal our programming – our negative beliefs and to shift out the pain and trauma in our bodies so it knows the war is over and can relax and start to enjoy life more.

Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) helps you to clear out the stagnant fight, flight, freeze energy out of your body so you can relax. It helps to complete the old trauma activations by shaking and using up the cortisol and adrenaline released during moments of stress, tension and trauma. If in those moments you didn’t flee or fight back then those chemicals stay in your body adding to tension, rigidity, pain and numbness. This can be reversed by completing the trauma activations so your body can calm and relax back down knowing it’s over, you’re safe now and all is well.

If you are holding on to a grudge about what has happened to you or onto what you have missed out on because of your experiences – then you are keeping yourself caught in that dynamic of feeling bad, victimised, empty of joy and vitality. You are punishing yourself with your choice of thoughts and actions that will result from that level of thinking.

Forgiveness is not about letting go of wrongdoing, it is about realising that whatever has happened in your life has happened and accepting it and getting on with your life to let more goodness in. 

You accept what is and turn towards life, to focus on the now and what is to come, instead of being turned away from life focused on the past, entangled with it and missing out on your now. Focus here, now and move forward, you can do it. It is a choice you have to choose to make.

Many people hold on as they think it is punishing their parents or those that hurt them. They don’t want to let them off the hook, but doing this just keeps you caught up in the pain. You need to choose to let it go for your own sake, so you can move on and enjoy life. Your parents may not have been perfect parents, but they did what they could for you with the knowledge and emotional maturity they had. They too may have been suffering and caught up in the pain of their past.

Family Constellations shows us that when people are entangled with ancestors and the traumas or unfinished business within the family system, their energy is literally stuck there in that event or with that ancestor who may have been rejected, died young or suffered some tragedy that wasn’t spoken about or fully grieved. That stuck energy, that trauma occupies their energy, they are bound to it, turned towards it, enmeshed with it and literally unable to look away and focus on their now.

If your parents were entangled in the past in this way, they simply could not focus all their energy on being present with you, giving you the love and nourishment that children desire, hunger for. They literally were not available to live their lives fully and you missed out on their attention, the full connection with them that you wanted. They too missed out on being fully present in their life and on being an attentive, loving parent with their children. They missed out too.

See how the trauma continues down the line. If you judge your parents and turn away from them, reject them, assume you are better than them or know more than them – then you too turn away from being present fully in your life. A lot of your energy is caught up with your past and what you missed out on, on the pain and disappointment or anger over what happened. You say no to them and in essence no to life. You stop letting whatever goodness they can give you in. When you have kids they too will feel the lack of your presence and feel like you are not fully present or available for them. They too will feel they have missed out and they may judge you and turn away as they get older. The pattern repeats unless you heal the trauma so that all who are entangled can finally let it rest and turn to focus on their own lives, to live them fully, joyously, focused on creating and accepting the goodness of life.

Family Constellations can help to untangle the traumas and past hurts, it can help free everyone involved, so they can focus on the now and enjoy it.

Your parents didn’t deliberately hurt you. If it seemed like they did, this was just their pain seeping out, being projected onto you. They too have wounds from their childhood and from their ancestors which they carry. They too are burdened and lived out all this pain the only way they knew how to do so. The result was what you experienced as a child. They didn’t have the tools to do it differently. Now we can. Now we can set ourselves and them free, to enjoy life more fully.

Do the work to heal and let go of the pain, accept what happened and see your parents for who they truly are, and thank them for your life. Focus on the goodness they gave you and let it in. Even if there was trauma and abuse, they gave you life and that is a great gift. Accept that and honour them for that.

If your parents are still alive and you interact with them, let yourself receive their love in whatever way they can show it to you. They may not be able to express it, but perhaps you can see it in their gestures, their gifts, their contact with you and wanting to spend time with you, their compliments or money or food – whatever it is, let them give to you, let yourself receive the goodness, love and energy from them so that your cup is filled, so that you are nourished and can live your life from a place of fullness, not emptiness, barrenness, darkness.

If your parents are dead or are not able to give you love then you can visualise receiving the love and goodness from them and from other relatives with who you may have had more positive interactions. Recall positive times and relive those memories, anchoring in the fun, the love, the goodness. See those ancestors around you in Spirit, supporting you, encouraging you, cheering you on as you live your life.

Let the goodness in. There is much waiting for you to receive it, but to do so you have to let go of the old emotions and traumas, so your arms are free to receive the new. You can do it!

You can do it for yourself, for your children, for your family. All will benefit when you heal and let go of the past burdens that you have carried. The whole family system is affected when a member of it chooses to love and does the work to heal. It is a true gift that you can give to yourself and your family, so all can live more peacefully.

Forgiveness is not about right or wrong, about who did what and atoning for it, making up for it. It is simply about accepting what occurred and healing the wound so you are free from the pain. 

It takes effort to heal and become free. Simply saying “I forgive you” does nothing, very little. It actually has a negative effect because in essence, it is a judgement on the person and their action. It says “I know you should have done better, but you didn’t, and I begrudgingly accept that and I will forgive you because I am a better person, a bigger person than you”. See the judgement in this, feel how it stops the flow of love.

It is like putting a boulder in the river, disturbing the flow of life force energy from your ancestors, your parents, to yourself. It is like you are trying to politely cover up something that is disgusting and pretending it is no longer there – like putting a white cloth over the top of some vomit or dog poo. It still stinks, it is still there, but it appears to be gone, buried, hidden. You then tiptoe around it, trying not to look at it or step in it, but it is still there, just waiting to be seen, festering, decaying and having a negative impact on your vitality.

You are not bigger than or better than your parents. They are the BIG ONES and you are the LITTLE ONE. They came first, they gave you life and the life force flows from them to you. If you resist them, you resist life. Let the life force flow to you unhindered. It is not about forgiving them, it is more about accepting them for who they are and letting them stand there with no judgement or condemnation. Just let them be who they are and thank them for what they did give you. Anything they couldn’t give you, you can get from elsewhere. You can make something good out of what they gave you, make something good out of your life and the opportunity presented to you. In this sense, forgiveness is about peace, acceptance and harmony, and restoring these to the family system for the wellbeing of all. Blessed BE, Amen.

In this video, Jodi-Anne explores ‘Do we need to forgive?’ It is one of over 100 questions she has asked about life and channelled an answer through automatic writing. All of these answers to questions about life, how to live peacefully and happily are available for free on the ‘Life Insights’ page of her website.

Categories
Conscious Evolution Personal Development Relationships

How to know when leaving is your best option?

Many of you on the healing path are committed to loving fully. You do your best to love unconditionally and to accept those around you as they are.

You try to ignore when people behave in less than ideal ways and love them through it, knowing they only lash out, shut down, are moody, or whatever it is, because they are hurting inside.

You know love heals all things so you shine, shine, shine your love at the person hoping it will help them shift out of their stuckness, back to happiness. This is honourable, but you shouldn’t keep doing it to your own detriment.

Each individual has to feel their emotional pain into completion. They have to make the effort to go within, feel it, embrace their younger selves who are hurting, help free them from the pain, and welcome them into their heart. No amount of your love can do that for them.

The individual has to do the work to heal. If they don’t all that you are doing is lifting them up slightly, but they’re going to fall back down again. They have to, in order to go into their pain and process it.

Life will keep bringing them challenging situations to get them to feel, heal and release the past. If they try to avoid it, or blame others or their circumstances, they are just prolonging the misery.

We know you want to help them through it, but you can’t do it for them. By staying all you are doing is exhausting yourself, and having your vibration lowered by their dense energy and moods.

Yes, the other is an innocent soul that is hurting. That’s true. We understand you want to look after them, help them, care for them. But if they’re not looking after themselves, not honouring who they are and making the effort to heal, then you’re wasting your time.

You are better off to leave, let your vibration rise higher and shine your light wherever you go, knowing it benefits all. And those who want to heal, who want to go within and do the work to free themselves – they will uplift you, inspire you and cheer you up as they progress.

You benefit from helping them as it fills you with joy to see their progress, to see them getting happier and more fulfilled. It’s a win-win situation, where both are benefitting.

You don’t have to stay connected to people whose energy or behaviour drains you. You owe it to yourself and to those you work with to leave, so you can shine more brightly for all.

The person may struggle and drop further into pain if you leave, but that’s not your fault or your responsibility. It’s actually your gift to them, as it will help them feel and release their pain. It may be the catalyst they need to help them move forward.

So trust your inner guidance. Trust the Universe to look after the other if you go. Trust that everything happens for the benefit of both parties. Trust you will be led forth to your next adventure, to the next scenario to deepen your growth, as will the other.

Don’t hold yourself in pain out of love and loyalty. Sometimes it is meant to end. You are meant to go. You know the truth of this in your heart. You are just finding the courage to hear it, accept it, and act upon it. Blessed BE. Honour yourself and shine your light for the good of all.

Channelled By Jodi-Anne (8 January 2020).

  • Jodi-Anne has the ability to ask and receive answers to questions about life. The information she receives comes from Spirit, Source, God, whatever you would like to call it. She is just the conduit receiving the message. Take what reads true for you and leave the rest. Each soul has their own truth, their own values and insights. This is just one messenger and the information she has received. Blessed BE.
  • Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.
  • If you found this blog useful you may wish to consider purchasing a copy of Jodi-Anne’s book ‘Advice from a higher Source’ which contains 85 answers to questions about life. The paperback book or ebook can be purchased online at – http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JMS2011. (Once you have clicked into view the description of the book, go to the top of the page and choose the flag symbol for your country, this will show you the price in your currency and enable you to purchase it in that currency)
Categories
Conscious Evolution Personal Development Relationships

How do you let go of someone you love?

The time comes in every relationship where you start to question whether there is potential for continued love and growth, or whether it is time to separate and expand your wings.

Sometimes the answer is obvious. If there is hurt, suffering, cruelty, abuse, or more subtly if there is disrespect, lack of love and nurturance, lack of support and care for each other. In these situations separation is warranted as the two souls are no longer energetically supporting each other to grow.

It is trickier to ascertain the ‘right’ move when there is love, respect, support and care, but it just no longer feels like a useful connection, when it feels like walking through mud or uphill. There’s nothing particularly bad or wrong, it just feels heavy instead of uplifting, joyful and celebrating life.

If your relationship feels like it is winding down, petering out, closing off, if it feels like it is closing, completing, finishing, then energetically the separation has started. Your ego is fighting against it, because it loves the person. Your situation may be safe, comfortable, known and easy, but your soul wants you to explore more, to grow, to experience new things.

When this is occurring it is tempting to fight back, to say no, to say “I love this person so much, please don’t make me leave.” But the more you resist, the more you suffer.

Your energy will take you where you need to go, and if it is away from that person, then it will occur, if that is what is most in line with your highest good.

Instead of fighting against it, celebrate what you’ve shared. Celebrate all the growth, love, joy and care that you’ve shared. Celebrate the good times, the challenging times and all that has occurred in between.

Yes, your world is changing. Yes, you are moving on and you don’t want to let go, but you will need to. Trust it is also in line for the highest good of the other person. If it wasn’t, it wouldn’t be happening. Trust that even if the other person doesn’t want to let go either, that there’s a reason for it.

Of course you want to hold on if it feels safe, comfortable, known. But there’s more out there, more growth, more situations that will help you evolve and reach your highest potential.

Sometimes staying is not the best option on a higher level, bigger picture perspective. Yes there’s love, respect, care and support, but is there a spark, an aliveness, an excitement, a joy and vitality between you? Do you light up inside when you see the person and spend time together? Do you laugh and bring out the best of each other, while also listening heart to heart to each other when feeling challenged? Are you both growing, looking within and doing your inner work? Or are you just standing still, being together, because it’s easier, less risk, less effort?

It’s perfectly okay to leave, to walk away, to separate, to let go of the known and enter the unknown. You just have to find the courage to turn around and walk away, to take one step after the other, to get used to being outside of your comfort zone and to move forward alone.

It is not wrong to leave. You are not punishing the other or rejecting them. You are simply saying goodbye as the connection no longer nourishes you, fills you up or leads to joy and happiness for you.

There’s no need to make the other person wrong, bad or deem them not good enough. No need for stories to justify what is occurring. Just accept, it simply isn’t serving you anymore and it is time to part. You can separate with love, with purity, with honesty. You can separate with excitement and joy for the new.

You are not being disloyal. You are just honouring your inner impulses which are moving you in a different direction. Each will face challenges as they open to the new and learn to be on their own again or with a new partner when the time is right. The Universe will orchestrate what each needs and look after you both.

Don’t hold on out of fear for your partner’s welfare without you. Take a deep breath and let go. Trust life to lead them forth to what they need too. Trust life to help them continue to grow and evolve too. Trust life to look after you both and relax.

If it feels inevitable, like you don’t really have a choice, then know your intuition and clarity is guiding you forward, helping you walk where you are reluctant to go. It’s okay. Surrender. Let what needs to happen occur.

You can say goodbye with love and move forward with joy. It doesn’t have to be tragic or painful or dark. Just accept what is. Let it occur naturally and easily, for it can. You are just two souls that have supported each other’s growth and now it is time to venture forth alone, in separate directions, as each grows and evolves on the path most suited for that individual.

Image by John Hain from Pixabay

So celebrate the love, the growth, the time shared together and move forward with peace in your heart, knowing all is well and much goodness will come from this change for both of you. Much goodness comes to you both as you step forward into the next phase of your life and go your separate ways.

Be gentle with yourself and the other as you go through this process. Part of you may get angry and push the person away, as that then feels easier, better, if you have a reason to go. There’s no need to create any drama or conflict. Just face facts.

“I love you, but I no longer want to be with you. I feel our lives are moving in separate directions. Thankyou for loving me and sharing the time with me, but it feels like it is coming to an end. Please let me go with love, so we can both move forward knowing we are cared for and supported in our evolution and growth. You are a beautiful human being and I wish you well. Go forth with love, with my blessing and gratitude for who you are and all we’ve shared. Goodbye and good luck with all you do”. So be it. Amen.

That is all that is needed, an honouring of what has been and a willingness to move forward into what will be. Know that you will both prosper, both love again, both be okay. Trust in this and choose peace for everything truly is okay.

It is just the crumbling of your known space, your foundations, so that something new and magnificent can rise from the ashes. Trust in your transformation and know the other will grow too. Everything that happens does so the souls involved grow and evolve.

It’s okay for you to leave, even if the other is upset, hurt, or angry. Trust God to look after them. Trust life to guide them forth. You can’t hold their hand and look after them forever. You have to let them go and grow on their own.

It’s just like letting go of your adult children when they leave home. You need to let them explore life on their own and you need to turn away to focus on your own life and fill the void that is created with the separation, with love, peace and acceptance of what is.

You will be fine. Trust in life to lead you forth. Your heart will hold your hand. You are not alone. There is great love and support showering down around you from the Universe, your Guides, ancestors, the Angels and Archangels who watch your progress and smile, as you close the door on your past, on your known life, and open to the new.

Open the door and walk through. Great goodness awaits you as you walk forward with love into the new. Know you can cope with any challenges that occur. You can breathe through any pain or emotions that arise, and you can give love, joy and support to yourself and your inner child. You can be that loving partner to yourself. You can be that for you. You are enough.

You don’t need to cling to someone who loves you if the situation no longer serves you. Let go with love and move forward courageously into the unknown, into freedom and growth. You can do it. And you will when the time is right. Blessed BE. Amen. All is well, truly it is.

Channelled By Jodi-Anne (13 August 2019).

  • Jodi-Anne has the ability to ask and receive answers to questions about life. The information she receives comes from Spirit, Source, God, whatever you would like to call it. She is just the conduit receiving the message. Take what reads true for you and leave the rest. Each soul has their own truth, their own values and insights. This is just one messenger and the information she has received. Blessed BE.
  • Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.
  • If you found this blog useful you may wish to consider purchasing a copy of Jodi-Anne’s book ‘Advice from a higher Source’ which contains 85 answers to questions about life. The paperback book or ebook can be purchased online at – http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JMS2011. (Once you have clicked into view the description of the book, go to the top of the page and choose the flag symbol for your country, this will show you the price in your currency and enable you to purchase it in that currency)
Categories
Healing from child abuse Personal Development Relationships Self help techniques Uncategorized

How do I stop reacting from the past?

Chakra banner

To stop reacting from the past you need to let go of old hurts and realise that the actions today are not related to the past. The person with you today is not the person from the past. They do not think, react or explode like the person in the past. Any similarities are there as triggers to help you release your past residue. They may have some similar traits, but it is not the same.

In the past when you were hurt so deeply it was because you were a child and felt helpless to control or shift what was occurring. You couldn’t escape the pain unfolding in your childhood home. You couldn’t leave. You couldn’t heal the adults or talk them into a better feeling state. No matter what you did to make life better – being quiet, cleaning up, being funny or cute or getting good grades. No matter what you tried you couldn’t shift what was going on inside the adults involved. It was up to them to heal themselves, to take responsibility for what was occurring and to do something about it.

Likewise, if you are still expecting the worst, reacting to your partner or others as if they are that past person, then it is your responsibility to shift the feelings and patterns inside yourself.

Your partner is allowed to behave the way that he or she does. They are allowed to have their ups and downs, their challenges and time required to find a way through them. They are allowed to be human and imperfect. They are allowed to be who they are with their quirks, habits and abilities – good and bad.

As long as they are not abusing you or being mean to you, you have no reason to truly be upset with them. It is not their fault that you fear the worst. It is not their fault you expect World War III whenever they get a little upset. It’s not their fault if you misinterpret their reactions and feel unloved, ignored or left behind. It is not their fault what is going on inside you. That is your area of control and responsibility.

Let the person off the hook. They haven’t done anything wrong. They are just being themselves and you are triggered by some of their behaviour. The trigger is in you and it is occurring to help you see there is some wounding in you that needs to be seen, felt and released.

So thank the person for showing you your route to freedom – they have shown you where you need to focus your healing energy, so that you don’t automatically react with fear around them or others, so you don’t live on egg shells waiting for the walls to crumble, so you don’t live tensely waiting for the moment to run and hide.

That high level of preparedness, of reactivity, is bad for your health. It not only impacts your ability to enjoy life. It impacts your immune system and digestion, and many other bodily functions. Instead of being in rest and digest mode (parasympathetic nervous system), you are in fight, flight or freeze (sympathetic nervous system) with adrenaline and cortisol pumping through your body. Blood is diverted from your organs and into your periphery, your muscles so that you can react instantly.

You need to calm your body down. You need to come out of hyper-alertness, hypervigilance and relax. Easier said than done! There is an alarm going off in your head shouting “Danger, war. React”. But really there is no danger, no war. No need for overreaction.

The work that needs to occur is inside you. It is not your partner’s responsibility to fix what is inside you or to not trigger you. If the pain is inside you then you will get triggered. Even if they altered their behaviour you will get triggered by something else because the pain is inside you.

Leaving, being on your own, isolating doesn’t resolve the pain. It just avoids it, delays its resolution. So it is best to stay and face it, unless the relationship truly is toxic and abusive, then you should leave for your sake and your children’s. But if there is love, if there is tenderness, closeness, compassion – some of the time – then the relationship is a beneficial one.

It will never be perfect, no relationship is. Each person is here to evolve and grow, so they will have times of feeling stretched, triggered, lost and despairing.

It is the path to freedom – to feel these things and move through them. That’s the challenge to move through it so you’re not constantly reacting the same way to the same thing.

When triggered remind yourself this is not the past, this is not the same, this is not my parent or whoever it was who did abuse you in the past. Remind yourself I’m not a little child anymore. I do have power. I do have choice and I choose to support myself through this reaction. I recognise this is my stuff. It’s not about the current person and his actions and reactions. He/she is okay and probably doing the best they can right now, same as me. I’m going to honour us both.

I’m going to sit and breathe and let these feelings flow out of me. I’m going to do whatever I need to, in order to honour myself and my body and balance back up. I’m not going to beat myself up for reacting.

I’m going to speak softly and soothingly to the younger part of me who is hurting and hug them, hold them, comfort them, help them to let go of the past pain and see that it’s okay now. It’s safe to relax and have fun. I’m going to invite that younger part of me to rest in my arms, or a garden, or a fun place in my heart; to see that they are cared for and loved, and safe and protected. That’s my job as the adult that I now am. I need to look after me, so that I do feel safe and can let go of the past.

What happened in the past is not occurring now, but it feels like it is as the trauma is still present in my body. I have to help my body let it go and I do that by being kind and gentle with myself, and my partner or whoever it is that has triggered me.

I am the one who got triggered. Therefore it is me who needs to do something to feel better. It is not about them changing. It is about you altering your inner reactions so you do not trigger so easily. So stop blaming, judging or condemning the other person, and focus on healing your inner world.

Do what is needed to soothe your body – spend time in nature, have a bath or foot soak, have a massage or other form of body work, rest, draw or write to shift the energy out, relax, rest, meditate, listen to soothing music, smell relaxing smells – essential oils, incense, cooking. Do whatever you need to do to look after you.

And know that each time it happens you are letting go of the old so you can be present to the now, to be here now, not dragging along the past in your back pack or body. In this sense it is good that you got triggered, so you can clear out more of the past stuck within you.

You may resent the fact it is still occurring, but the truth is it needs to occur to help you heal, to give you the opportunity to honour yourself. And the more pain you went through, the more there is to be released. It just is what it is.

Don’t fight against it. Don’t resent it or the other person – that just prolongs it. Do what you need to do to find peace. That is the most useful thing to do. There are many tools and techniques you can use to release stress and trauma out of your body, but listening to and honouring your body and its’ reactions is a very, very good start and it is free. There is no need to see a practitioner, unless you want to or feel that you need help to build the skills to self soothe.

Whatever you do, choose peace and kindness for yourself and the others involved. Each is doing the best they know how with their current mindset and feelings. Each is serving the other with what gets triggered and each can help the other as they move through their releases by just being there and accepting the process.

No one needs to be rescued. Just seen, loved and accepted as they are. Give each other that gift and in time you will blossom.

blur care close up countryside
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

This is just residue releasing so that you can be more present to enjoy the now together or apart. It matters not. Free the space within you, so love can fill up the space previously occupied by hurt, loss, disappointment or grief. Let it go and let love fill the space. You can you know. It is worth the time and effort to do it, so you can enjoy life more. Blessed BE. Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (24 February 2019).

  • Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.
  • If you found this blog useful you may wish to consider purchasing a copy of Jodi-Anne’s book ‘Advice from a higher Source’ which contains 85 more answers to questions about life. The paperback book or ebook can be purchased online at – http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JMS2011. (Once you have clicked into view the description of the book, go to the top of the page and choose the flag symbol for your country, this will show you the price in your currency and enable you to purchase it in that currency)
Categories
Personal Development Relationships

A neuroscience love song

Super cute! A lovely sounding song that explains what happens chemically in our brain when forming and maintaining a relationship.

Categories
Conscious Evolution Health Personal Development Relationships

How do you accept someone’s fate?

When someone is given a bad diagnosis it is tempting to try and fix them, to take control and try to rectify it all. This is not what is needed. Drop through the defensive reactions and feel the pain leading you to step into rescuing. It is your pain – your sadness that your friend is sick or dying or has suffered some great loss. It is your anger at feeling helpless and unable to resolve it. It is your fear of upsetting them by not doing enough or doing the wrong thing, saying or not saying the right thing. Stop trying so hard. This is not about you.

Your friend is in pain, just be there for them. Just hold their hand, comfort them, listen to them. Ask them what they need or want from you and do what they say. They may not want to rush off seeking miraculous cures half way around the globe. You would, but they might not. They may choose to spend whatever remaining time they have with their loved ones, enjoying their home, pets, favourite food and spaces. They may want to slow down, surrender, accept their fate and die peacefully with those they care most about.

Yes, you could research diets, treatments, cures on their behalf and share that information. You could do that and it is indeed kind and coming from a loving space. But can you do it peacefully or are you losing your peace, your balance, your self-alignment in your desperate quest to help the other?

What is it deep down that you are afraid of facing: your friend’s demise, your own, your buried emotions from the past? Work through whatever arises for you with kindness and compassion. You don’t have to suffer or feel guilty for being alive. You don’t have to stop living your life, just because they are unwell. You don’t have to drop everything to be there all the time. Send love, do what you can do peacefully and rest. You do not need to make yourself sick too.

We all die at some time. We will all perish one way or another. Sometimes it happens slowly, sometimes quickly, sometimes unexpectedly and sometimes way too soon. That is life. There are no guarantees here, so do what you can to enjoy your life, to love fully and have an open heart, spreading joy wherever you go. If you live this way you are making a positive impact with every breath and step you take, with all who you interact with. When you live this way, with an open, loving heart, you are being of great service to the planet and to humanity who will remember you fondly when you do return to Heaven and to those loved ones waiting for you on the other side.

Remember that when people die they re-enter the realm of unconditional love, of peace and contentment, of non-duality. They reunite with their loved ones, with God, their Guides and Angels. They get to be home in Heaven; to review their life just lived, to see how they did throughout their journey, where they grew and evolved, and where they still have room to grow. This then becomes the focus of their next life, so they can heal and master that issue.

It is all a progression to being able to embody your higher self on Earth, a growing to perfection and completion, so that you can be unconditionally loving and united with God while in the body. So this is not the end. It is just one transition in many that occur as a Soul evolves from one incarnation to the next.

So it is not a tragedy, not something to be mourned. It just means your friend is coming to the end of this lifetime. She has learned her lessons, experienced what she needed to experience and is ready for the next step on her adventure. And if she is not yet complete, then she will live on despite the diagnoses.

People do defy their clinical diagnoses every day. People live longer than they are told they will. Some do experience unexplainable cures – from the medical perspective. Some live on and some die. It is not up to you. It is up to the person and God, and what they chose as their life plan before incarnating on Earth.

So let go of trying to rescue or fix or deny your feelings of helplessness. Accept the truth: you are sad your friend is sick. You wish it wasn’t happening and that you could make it all better. Part of you wants to cry, to yell, to fight, but the best thing to do is to surrender, to accept what is, and to accept your friend’s choices, no matter what they choose. Whether it be to rest and go out gracefully or to search for a cure and more time. It is their choice, not yours. So let go of control and breathe. Breathe through all the emotions and fears and come back to love. Come back to love and just be there, willing to do whatever your friend wants you to do.

Yes you can provide some information on cures, diets, healers, etc, but then let go. Let them choose in their own time. This is their journey, their process and much is occurring inside them. A serious health diagnosis is a catalyst for great change within a person. It causes huge amounts of self-reflection, realisations and insights. It leads to great spiritual growth and Soul healing. This is its purpose. It is a phase of massive, rapid shifting of core beliefs, attitudes and ways of being. It is a catalyst for growth and change. It is not meaningless or random. It has great purpose and it is serving the person, even if it looks like it is not.

All who are affected, who know the ill person will be altered. Their process causes great shifts and evolution in all they know. Each person will be triggered in different ways due to their past. They will face and work through these triggers to find balance and love, or they will fall further into disconnection, loss and addiction. Each will grow as a result of their love for the person who is sick and their response to it. See how big a catalyst for change these situations are.

Each person will grow, will reflect on how they are living their life and make changes to operate more in accordance with their heart.

Some will do so out of fear, thinking they need to enjoy life as much as they can while they still can.

Some will want to create a positive legacy to be remembered by, to do good and feel like their life has helped others, made a difference.

Some will start to live more simply, letting go of stress, busy-ness and consumerism, realising you can’t take it with you and your time is more precious than the things.

Some will focus more on connecting heart to heart with others, deepening friendships and connections as these are what last in the long term, as opposed to things.

There can be many different reactions, but see how they all lead to growth. See how your friend’s illness not only is a catalyst for her, but for all those who love her and wish her well. See how much she is being of service to you all with what she is going through. See how perfect the design of life is. You may not like what occurs, but it all occurs for a reason and that reason is evolution and growth.

Remember you are not your bodies, you are Souls having a vacation on Earth to learn and grow, and at some stage the vacation ends, and you return home to those who love you and celebrate your growth and evolution with you, until you choose your next incarnation and adventure on Earth. Death is not the end, just a stepping stone in a path of many lifetimes, leading you home to love and peace within. Blessed BE, Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (21 July 2018).

Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.
Categories
Conscious Evolution Relationships Self help techniques

How to accept where people are at?

Are you struggling to accept someone’s choices or journey? Here is a blog I channelled on ‘How to accept where people are at’.

Amongst your community there are many people with low levels of awareness, that does not make them wrong or less than you or others who are more aware of life and the larger reasons for it. All beings are exactly where they need to be for their evolution and growth. All are awakening and becoming conscious at the rate that is best for them.

Some who appear less conscious, actually are highly evolved beings who have chosen particularly hard life paths to attempt to master a particular skill. You cannot tell someone’s level of awareness by looking at them or analysing them with your mind. You can only glimpse it through your heart, through witnessing their heart in action, their vibration, their kindness to other beings.

Those who are lofty in knowledge are not necessarily living that knowledge. They may know what it means to be aware, conscious, God-like beings. This does not mean they do it, be it, breathe it – have embodied it. They will in time. Often gaining a lot of knowledge occurs because there is deep pain to be released and they are avoiding feeling and releasing it, by staying stuck in their heads, not in their bodies where the pain is located.

In time when they are ready they will drop down into the pain, feel it, release it and balance back up. Everyone does this when they finally feel safe enough, loved enough and trusting enough that they will cope and come out the other side.

It takes time to build emotional awareness and ability to feel what is truly going on inside, to drop down and listen, to feel into that inner silence and allow forth that which needs your presence and allowance to surface, to enable your freedom once it is released.

To do it sooner than you are truly ready for just results in fear, results in retraumatisation and disillusion. To push too far before you have the ability to process it safely harms the body, as you reattach to the emotion and the story, instead of just witnessing it and letting it go. People need to learn these skills first, learn how to sit in the pain and not own it, just let it float by. They need to learn to trust life to hold them, care for them and provide for them. This only gets learned through experience of synchronicities and life’s majestic gifts, when things happen unexplainably showing you there is a bigger plan unfolding and you are just one small part of that.

People cannot be told about this and embody it, they have to experience it and it takes time. This is why you can plant seeds of awareness, but can’t make them blossom. Life will do that and it takes each plant a different amount of time, water, love and growth to do it.

So as an educator or helper the best thing you can do is share your story, your experiences of the mysteries of life to give another hope, inspiration and a little more faith and trust. Then let go, let life lead them forth and provide them with their own miracles, to open their hearts and let them heal. You cannot make it happen. You cannot rescue or fix anyone. God will do it perfectly at the right time for that person. So do not lose sleep worrying about others or trying to figure out how to help them realise the truth or release their pain. Life will do it, life will guide them forth.

The best you can do is vibrate in as close a state of love and acceptance as you can, then your energy will help uplift theirs and hold the space for their awakening to life and its larger mysteries. Just love and accept them and know they will be led forth to their magnificence when the time is right. Blessed BE, Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (27 September 2016).

Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.