When you are caught in emotional pain it is tempting to blame others and judge them for their choices. Yet each is doing the best they can to cope with the pain and trauma they have inside.
Each is doing what they can to live, survive and eventually thrive. Just because you don’t see another’s pain doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Everyone has challenges. Everyone is evolving and therefore going through challenges and change. It is a never-ending cycle of growth.
Allow each person to be where they are and to do it their way. Some will reach out longing for connection. Some will hide and isolate themselves for protection, not wanting to be caught up in other people’s drama or just trying to survive the drama going on within.
When life has been hard it can be very messy inside, with chaotic thoughts and mood fluctuations. It can take a lot of energy just to navigate through the day and function effectively enough at work and in your day to day activities. There is often little energy after doing all that and people need to rest, to re-energise, to refill their dwindling energy reserves.
Different people refuel in different ways. Some need time alone. Some need time in nature. Some need to exercise or do an activity that they enjoy. Some need to be with friends or family who love them and fill them up. Whatever works for you will not necessarily work for others. Each has to do it their way, in their own time.
Shake out your stress and frustration using Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE). It can help you to calm your nervous system and body, so you don’t feel so scared or feel a need to isolate yourself. It can help you to drop back down into the social engagement state (ventral vagal) of your Autonomic Nervous System (ANS). It helps you to self-regulate and to release your past hurts and traumas.
When you clear out the old pains, the stagnant energy, it’s easier to focus on living and enjoying your life regardless of what others choose to do. When you’re balanced and at peace, you can hear your intuition and guidance. You can receive insights into the deeper reasons why certain events are occurring or why people are behaving the way they are.
Do what you need to do to look after yourself, to nourish your body, mind and keep your energy clear and vital. Let go of worrying about others or assuming they don’t like you or some other judgement. Let it go. Focus on what you can control and change, and that is you, your health and wellbeing.
TRE can be a great support to assist you with this. Once you have learned TRE and can self-regulate it, you can do it for free at home as often as you need to help you maintain balance and heal. It’s a wonderful tool for self-care.
Expecting more than someone can give just sets yourself up for disappointment. Learn self-reliance and spend time with those who do connect with you, who do have energy for you. Don’t waste your breath complaining about what is – if others can’t give to you, there is nothing you can do to change that fact. The individuals involved have to change, heal, decide to spend time with you. Some might and some might not.
Remember each is struggling with their own internal world, their own challenges and they are doing the best they can. Choose love for all beings and focus on healing yourself, so that you can feel peaceful regardless of what occurs around you.
You may not like the way some people behave or the state of the world and what occurs in it, but it is what it is. Do what you can to be happy, to influence those you can and let the rest go. It is all happening for a reason and it is all part of the evolutionary journey. Choose kindness in all you do and choose peace within. When you can do this you will see more peace outside in the world as well.
Do not let yourself be used, exhausted, emptied by others. Have firm boundaries and say yes when you want to and no when you don’t want to do something requested of you. There is no need to sacrifice yourself to please others. Each is on their own journey of awakening and will get there in the end. Each person will find love and harmony within. They just have to process their pain, release the emotional density and centre within.
Send each person who irks you, love. Know they are doing the best they can, then let it go. Let them be where they are at. Let them be who they are. Love and acceptance heal, not judgement or blame. Let it go and choose peace, accept what is and live your life knowing all is okay, all is a part of life and all happens for a reason.
By Jodi-Anne (29 June 2016).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.