It can be hard to forgive when you have been hurt deeply. This video explains some deeper aspects of forgiveness and how Family Constellations can help you to say what you need to say to those involved and hand back anything you’ve carried or been burdened with. Connecting with the energy of those involved in a constellation helps you to feel into their side of the story, to clear some of the emotional pain and to find peace. It’s well worth doing so you can focus on living and enjoying your NOW, not being stuck, entangled in the past.
This week I’m sharing a video that explores why trauma repeats through families. It is often completely unintentional, but a parent’s wounding from the hurts in their life can make it hard for them to be fully present and available to their children.
Despite their efforts, part of their energy is tied up with their past and has them metaphorically turned towards the past and away from the now. The kids feel this and grow with a sense of lack. Once they become parents the same process repeats unless they take action to heal, so they can face now being present fully and available to their kids who will then grow with a sense of fullness, of being seen, held and safe, knowing they belong and that they are okay.
Family Constellations is a modality that can help unentangle you from the past so that you can turn and be present to your now, more able to give and receive love.
In this video, Jodi-Anne explores ‘Why does trauma repeat through families?’ It is one of over 100 questions she has asked about life and channelled an answer through automatic writing. All of these answers to questions about life, how to live peacefully and happily are available for free on the ‘Life Insights’ page of her website.
This short video explores forgiveness and whether or not we need to forgive. I hope you find it useful. Many blessings, Jodi-Anne
In this video, Jodi-Anne explores ‘Do we need to forgive?’ It is one of over 100 questions she has asked about life and channelled an answer through automatic writing. All of these answers to questions about life, how to live peacefully and happily are available for free on the ‘Life Insights’ page of her website.
There is darker thought and that attracts darker entities that also cling to the primal-ness of man and its animal urges. These darker thoughts, urges, and tendencies lead to great anger, rage, guilt and shame. This leads to pain intensifying and the heart being shut down, ignored, emotions not felt, softness rejected, steel like grips on control, on destruction of anything that threatens or could lead to softer feelings. It is violently rejected to avoid feeling the pain.
So it’s not evil as such, just deeply wounded, and like attracts like. So people who are deeply hurt and vengeful are drawing on the energy of other souls who feel the same way – incarnate and discarnate. These energies, these souls join together and can be a strong force suggesting, encouraging the living being to act out in destructive ways, to get even with those who hurt them.
The darker energies, the souls who are still hurting can take over the living person and make them do atrocious acts. This is what you call possession.
But it’s not an evil force out there attacking innocent people. It is just other wounded souls linking together. It is the collective pain and trauma of humanity projected out, seeking somewhere to go, to resolve, to find peace.
This is why exorcism that attempts to fight against an entity will rarely work. The entity fights back. They enjoy the game, the struggle, the pain they cause. What they don’t like, what repels them is love and purity, light and innocence.
They don’t want to be near that as it would cause them to feel their pain and that is all they are – a big ball of energetic pain that has lodged itself within the person. As the person heals, as they let love in, the darker spirits have to leave as they no longer match the vibration of the person they were inhabiting and are no longer welcomed there.
In a sense they can’t stay if the person asks them to leave. They only hang around as the person energetically is open to receive them. So the solution is always love, not fighting, love.
Outright evil does not exist as its own being. It is just the wounded energies of the masses, playing out its pain, begging for healing. And just like a child who doesn’t want to eat its vegetables, it resists the light thinking it will destroy them, but really it would nourish them and bring them home to their hearts.
Evil energies are just misguided souls that are playing out their pain until it gets healed. They recreate the traumas over and over again looking for healing. Same as we humans do.
Unintentionally or unconsciously we repeat patterns in our relationships, our work, our finances, etc. until the wounds, the negative conditioning gets changed and we realise that we are loved, we are lovable, and we are perfectly okay.
It’s a long journey to acceptance of what is, has been and will be. To trust in life and know that you are being led somewhere useful for your conscious evolution. The same process of growth continues after death in the spiritual realms.
We are all surrounded by spirits every day. They walk amongst us, talking to us subconsciously, encouraging us to do good or bad depending on their tendencies.
By calling on your Angels, Guides and Higher Selves you can protect yourself to an extent from these entities that may encourage you to do harm.
Call on the entities of love and light to protect you, to guide you, to help you heal and embrace love and goodness. They will guide you, as they do for all of humanity who has the free will to choose light or darkness, good or bad.
It is up to the souls involved to choose where there allegiance lies. Eventually all choose love and light, all ascend towards Heaven’s door and being able to see and feel God’s light, God’s presence in your heart and the heart of all beings. Blessed BE, Amen.
By Jodi-Anne (19 February 2019).
- Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.
- If you found this blog useful you may wish to consider purchasing a copy of Jodi-Anne’s book ‘Advice from a higher Source’ which contains 85 more answers to questions about life. The paperback book or ebook can be purchased online at – http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JMS2011. (Once you have clicked into view the description of the book, go to the top of the page and choose the flag symbol for your country, this will show you the price in your currency and enable you to purchase it in that currency)
If you would like to experience this in real life I am holding a Systemic Family Constellation Workshop 28 Oct in Meadows, South Australia. For details click here.
Many people say that to have peace we need to forgive those who have hurt us, to let go of the pain and any resentment, judgement, hate or anger we may feel towards the other person. It is true if we hold onto these emotions we are keeping our self stuck in the energy of the past events and keeping it alive in our body. By focusing on the “wrong doing” we keep our self reliving it and replaying it in life, as we attract in other similar situations – in a subconscious attempt to heal the wound.
If we have formed beliefs that the world is dangerous or people can’t be trusted or everyone’s out to get me, then we live life with that viewpoint. Our eyes can’t perceive all the data that is there when we look at a scene. Millions of bits of information is sent to our brain which filters it based on our beliefs of what is most vital for us to see for our survival, our well being. So if we are locked in fight or flight or trauma from the past with beliefs that we are in danger all the time, then that is what the data gets searched for and we only see that subset of infomration about the scene we are viewing. We don’t notice the beauty, the love being shown between people or animals and their owners, etc, we just see the potential dangers, threats and situations to avoid in order to best protect our self. It is a self protection mechanism called a ‘negativity bias’. It is an evolutionary tool, a mechanism that makes sense biologically to keep us alive.
The sad part is that if you have those type of negative beliefs or buried trauma inside your body you miss out on seeing and feeling all the goodness in life that is their waiting for you to see it, to let it in, to trust and believe it is possible, that you deserve it and to accept it. You are worthy of good things, of fun, of love, of laughter and joy. You are worthy of wealth, abundance of food, shelter, clothing, health, etc.
The world is abundant, there is goodness out there, all around us, we just have to do the work to heal our programming – our negative beliefs and to shift out the pain and trauma in our bodies so it knows the war is over and can relax and start to enjoy life more.
Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) helps you to clear out the stagnant fight, flight, freeze energy out of your body so you can relax. It helps to complete the old trauma activations by shaking and using up the cortisol and adrenaline released during moments of stress, tension and trauma. If in those moments you didn’t flee or fight back then those chemicals stay in your body adding to tension, rigidity, pain and numbness. This can be reversed by completing the trauma activations so your body can calm and relax back down knowing it’s over, you’re safe now and all is well.
If you are holding on to a grudge about what has happened to you or onto what you have missed out on because of your experiences – then you are keeping yourself caught in that dynamic of feeling bad, victimised, empty of joy and vitality. You are punishing yourself with your choice of thoughts and actions that will result from that level of thinking.
Forgiveness is not about letting go of wrongdoing, it is about realising that whatever has happened in your life has happened and accepting it and getting on with your life to let more goodness in. You accept what is and turn towards life, to focus on the now and what is to come, instead of being turned away from life focused on the past, entangled with it and missing out on your now. Focus here, now and move forward, you can do it. It is a choice you have to choose to make.
Many people hold on as they think it is punishing their parents or those that hurt them. They don’t want to let them off the hook, but doing this just keeps you caught up in the pain. You need to choose to let it go for your own sake, so you can move on and enjoy life. Your parents may not have been perfect parents, but they did what they could for you with the knowledge and emotional maturity they had. They too may have been suffering and caught up in the pain of their past.
Family Constellations shows us that when people are entangled with ancestors and the traumas or unfinished business within the family system, their energy is literally stuck there in that event or with that ancestor who may have been rejected, died young or suffered some tragedy that wasn’t spoken about or fully grieved. That stuck energy, that trauma occupies their energy, they are bound to it, turned towards it, enmeshed with it and literally unable to look away and focus on their now.
If your parents were entangled in the past in this way, they simply could not focus all their energy on being present with you, giving you the love and nourishment that children desire, hunger for. They literally were not available to live their lives fully and you missed out on their attention, the full connection with them that you wanted. They too missed out on being fully present in their life and on being an attentive, loving parent with their children. They missed out too.
See how the trauma continues down the line. If you judge your parents and turn away from them, reject them, assume you are better than them or know more than them – then you too turn away from being present fully in your life. A lot of your energy is caught up with your past and what you missed out on, on the pain and disappointment or anger over what happened. You say no to them and in essence no to life. You stop letting whatever goodness they can give you in. When you have kids they too will feel the lack of your presence and feel like you are not fully present or available for them. They too will feel they have missed out and they may judge you and turn away as they get older. The pattern repeats unless you heal the trauma, so that all who are entangled can finally let it rest and turn to focus on their own lives, to live them fully, joyously, focused on creating and accepting the goodness of life.
Family Constellations can help to untangle the traumas and past hurts, it can help free everyone involved, so they can focus on the now and enjoy it.
Your parents didn’t deliberately hurt you. If it seemed like they did, this was just their pain seeping out, being projected onto you. They too have wounds from their childhood and from their ancestors which they carry. They too are burdened and lived out all this pain the only way they knew how to do so. The result was what you experienced as their child. They didn’t have the tools to do it differently. Now we can. Now we can set ourselves and them free, to enjoy life more fully.
Do the work to heal and let go of the pain, accept what happened and see your parents for who they truly are, and thank them for your life. Focus on the goodness they gave you and let it in. Even if there was trauma and abuse, they gave you life and that is a great gift. Accept that and honour them for that.
If your parents are still alive and you interact with them, let yourself receive their love in whatever way they can show it to you. They may not be able to express it, but perhaps you can see it in their gestures, their gifts, their contact with you and wanting to spend time with you, their compliments or money or food – whatever it is, let them give to you, let yourself receive the goodness, love and energy from them, so that your cup is filled, so that you are nourished and can live your life from a place of fullness, not emptiness, barrenness, darkness.
If your parents are dead or are not able to give you love then you can visualise receiving the love and goodness from them and from other relatives who you may have had more positive interactions. Recall positive times and relive those memories, anchoring in the fun, the love, the goodness. See those ancestors around you in Spirit, supporting you, encouraging you, cheering you on as you live your life.
Let the goodness in. There is much waiting for you to receive it, but to do so you have to let go of the old emotions and traumas, so your arms are free to receive the new. You can do it! You can do it for yourself, for your children, for your family. All will benefit when you heal and let go of the past burdens that you have carried. The whole family system is affected when a member of it chooses love and does the work to heal. It is a true gift that you can give to yourself and your family, so all can live more peacefully.
Forgiveness is not about right or wrong, about who did what and atoning for it, making up for it. It is simply about accepting what occurred and healing the wound so you are free from the pain. It takes effort to heal and become free. Simply saying “I forgive you” does nothing, very little. It actually has a negative effect because in essence it is a judgement on the person and their action. It says “I know you should have done better, but you didn’t, and I begrudgingly accept that and I will forgive you because I am a better person, a bigger person than you”. See the judgement in this, feel how it stops the flow of love.
It is like putting a boulder in the river, disturbing the flow of life force energy from your ancestors, your parents, to yourself. It is like you are trying to politely cover up something that is disgusting and pretending it is no longer there – like putting a white cloth over the top of some vomit or dog poo. It still stinks, it is still there, but it appears to be gone, buried, hidden. You then tiptoe around it, trying not to look at it or step in it, but it is still there, just waiting to be seen, festering, decaying and having a negative impact on your vitality.
You are not bigger than or better than your parents. They are the BIG ONES and you are the LITTLE ONE. They came first, they gave you life and the life force flows from them to you. If you resist them, you resist life. Let the life force flow to you unhindered. It is not about forgiving them, it is more like accepting them for who they are and letting them stand there with no judgement or condemnation. Just let them be who they are and thank them for what they did give you. Anything they couldn’t give you, you can get from elsewhere. You can make something good out of what they gave you, make something good out of your life and the opportunity presented to you. In this sense forgiveness is about peace, acceptance and harmony, and restoring these to the family system for the wellbeing of all. Blessed BE, Amen.
By Jodi-Anne M Smith (21 October 2017).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.
Are the emotions you struggle with yours? Science has now shown how unfinished trauma is passed on genetically to future generations. We carry the wounds of our ancestors in an attempt to heal it. This process and ways to help release what you carry is explained in the attached article.
For example: Did your mom or dad reject their sadness and grief? Are you, or your kids, depressed or always grieving?
Did they hide or bury their anger? Are you or your children unusually angry, or did you choose an angry partner? Or perhaps you can’t access your anger at all, while feeling depressed and broken?
Did they disown their need for love and intimacy? Do you hunger for love and yet cannot find it?
Family systems seek wholeness by re-creating what was disowned by previous generations. These later generations (ours and our children’s) try to bring this wholeness by acting out rejected family aspects.
Family Constellation work shows us when these patterns run our lives and how to disentangle from them.
This is a great 2:37 min podcast explaining recent scientific research that has found that the impacts of trauma experienced in your life or trauma inherited from your ancestors through changes to their DNA that are passed onto you in their sperm or egg, can be reversed through positive environmental experiences.
In this study, which involved mice who had been traumatised, they found that the trauma behaviours such as depressive behaviours, cognitive problems, anti-social behaviours, and risk taking all stopped after exposure to positve environmental experiences. Furthermore the trauma markers on their DNA healed and were not passed on to their offspring.
How does Family Constellations work? It works by calling in information from the field of the family soul. You do this by the client asking a question such as “I just can’t seem to make a relationship work, I want to know why”. The field will then provide information relevant to that topic. After a short discussion the facilitator will suggest to the client that they look at a specific topic – a selection of people who are most relevant.
For the question above they may look at the client and his current relationship to see what information is reveealed. In this case they would set up representatives for the two people involved and allow the field to show the dynamics including any blocks. Another option would be to set up representatives for the client and each of his major relationships to see the pattern and gather information and insightes from throughout his life. A third option would be to setup representatives for the client’s family of origin – Mum, Dad, and siblings to see what gets revealed that way. There are many options.
Once setup the field will reveal insights and clues as to why the client is having difficulty. It could show a blockage between the parents that is affecting the client or an identification, an entanglement with a past ancestor who never married or who was heartbroken by a partner and never trusted another. The client could have a hidden loyalty with this ancestor and it would impact the client’s ability to have a successful relationship.
These loyalties, entanglements and identifications occur at the soul level, the subconscious level. The client may never have heard of the ancestor or what they experienced, but energetically they are intertwined. The field will reveal this, enabling it to be acknowledged, respected and let go of. The entanglement can be resolved, any unfelt pain or trauma felt and released. This benefits all involved.
The family soul is looking for harmony and peace, to have the pain released, for love to flow. It recruits current family members to do this on behalf of the ancestors. Once it is completed all are free from the burden. The Family Constellation process enables this to occur.
Trust your intuition and inner guidance, it will tell you whether this is a process you wish to undertake to free yourself and those you love. It is well worth doing so love can flow freely between you all. So be it. Amen.