Here’s a link to an article about a great new book explaining how we can inherit trauma from past generations of family members and how we can use family constellations and other methods to heal it.
The article (and the book) include case studies of clients that were not be helped with traditional psychology approaches that focused on what had happened throughout the client’s life. Once they opened to the idea that the trauma, pattern, addiction, health issue may have been inherited, solutions were found using Family Constellations concepts.
If you have an issue that doesn’t seem to shift no matter what you do, consider looking further back in your family line at where it may have come from. I can help you to do this.
People isolate themselves when they are feeling overwhelmed by life.They may have been hurt badly and not trust anyone or they may be fearful and depressed. Either way hiding out alone feels safer than risking contact with a world that to them seems harsh, unforgiving, cruel and threatening.
Life is not like that at all. You are always surrounded in the love of God, however, most people are so busy in their heads that they don’t notice it. You rush from one place, one task, one test to the next. You don’t rest fully in the peace of God, in your heart or spend time in nature deeply connecting to the Earth and your true nature.
People rush, rush, rush and then feel exhausted, then they wonder why they have no energy to enjoy life, to go and have fun. They get caught up in negative thoughts and conditioning, which just play out on an endless loop, until they wake up from this state of exhaustion and seek the light.
Sadly all this busy-ness has led to diminished connections with other people. It is rare for you to stop and meet another fully, to look into their eyes and feel their essence, to hear what is going on in their hearts and to talk honestly, truthfully about their experience of life.
You are all walking around like empty cups. Your cups should be filled with love and be over flowing from you to others. Connecting to God, to nature, to each other deeply fills your cup. But most people, nearly everyone, thinks they are too busy to slow down and have their cup filled.
If conflict occurs and you feel fearful, your cup is drained of the little amount of love you have in it. Then you feel empty, drained, exhausted. You know that it was the conflict with that person who led to you feeling drained, so you vow to isolate yourself from people like that, so you don’t get drained further. But in isolating yourself out of fear your cup stays empty. You get stuck in fear and that is the opposite vibration of love.
To love fully you need to be filling your own cup from God/Source/Nature, then you have so much love it doesn’t matter if a little conflict occurs. You will be able to respond to it more lovingly and be less affected by it as your cup is full and over flowing. Instead of getting upset, angry or blaming the person for negatively affecting you, you would simply send them love, feel compassion for them, as they are obviously having a hard time and have an empty cup.
So the key to feeling good is not to isolate out of fear, but to connect with love to God/Source/Nature, to listen to your heart and do things that bring you joy. Do this and your cup is filled, then it is easier to face the other aspects of life.
With people that you do feel safe and good around, make sure you take the time to connect, to talk heart to heart, to fel seen, heard, validated. You will never have that kind of connection with everyone, but when your cup is full the interactions that are less pleasant don’t bother you so much.
Yes you should have boundaries between yourself and those who disrespect you, abuse you or take advantage of you. That is self love, to say no to their demands. But make sure you spend time with those who do love you, respect you and treat you well. Don’t isolate and hide – at home, in social media, in work, etc. Come out into the open and breathe in fresh air, absorb the love, take the risk to open your heart and be present to what life is bringing you. It is all helping you grow and all leading you forward to a higher vibration, to the vibration of love. It is a process, a long one for many who resist out of fear, but know you will get there in the end, everyone will. You just have to open your heart, love yourself and others and just BE.
Be present to all that occurs, choosing faith and peace, knowing it is all perfect and all of life is made of God and is doing God’s will. There are no bad people or places or choices, just learning opportunities. Just people who have closed their hearts to love and the light and who will open back up in time. Nothing to do or force, just trust God’s plan and love all that arises. Send love to your fear, to your pain and to your sadness. Send love to those who you perceive have harmed you. That is what they need most – love. Noone who is feeling good about themself and is at peace within would willingly hurt another. They know that to do so hurts themself. So know that anyone who does hurt you is suffering, they are struggling within themself and with life.
You don’t need to accept the poor treatment, but try to send them love instead of hate or anger or judgement. They are judging themselves harshly and that is what leads to their angst. It can be torture when you are stuck in self defeating patterns of self judgement, self hate and self loathing.
Sadly many people speak to themselves more harshly than they would speak to others. They beat themselves up internally calling themselves names and feeling not good enough. It can be a very dark place. Know that noone will treat you as badly as you treat yourself!
When you are in that dark place the whole world seems dark, but the light is there, just waiting for you to see it and let it in. This is the process of awakening to love, light, God, peace and joy. This is the path back to wholeness. Become your own best friend, be loving and kind to yourself, say nice things about yourself to yourself. Be the loving parent you wished you had. As you become more loving to you internally, the outside world will mirror it, bringing you people who treat you with more kindness and love. Life is just a mirror showing us what we still have to heal.
Heal it and see the truth, there is nothing but love around us. Anything else is an illusion created by our minds out of fear, judgement and hate. Heal it and you wil see peace, joy and beauty wherever you go. for it is there, we just have to clear out the blocks, the filters to seeing it. Blessed BE. Amen.
Remember everyone is on this journey, you are all isolating out of fear to some degree, not showing your true self for fear of rejection or ridicule. Yet you all are longing for love and acceptance, so why not give it. Just love everyone as they are. If you could do this the pain and fear will drop away and you will all feel safer, happier and more able to enjoy life fully. Choose to love and be loving, that is the key. Blessed BE, Amen.
Nature vibrates at the rate of Source energy. It helps us slow down and our vibration rise. It is calming and soothing to our nervous systems that are over stimulated from modern living and rushing around.
Nature shows us life’s pace – things grow, bloom, wither and die. There is no fanfare or drama linked to these events, it is simply part of life.There are times when life seems bountiful – good weather, nutrients, enough water and plants thrive. There are times when life seems poor, harsh and cruel – no water, drought, blistering heat. Yet the plants and animals simply adjust, changing their behaviour to suit the circumstances. Some may perish. This is not a personal vendetta or attack. It is simply life in the bigger picture.
All species need some form of control to limit numbers and destruction of the ecosystem from over population. Different species eat each other. Pests and disease come to wipe out some populations. It is all part of the cycle of life.
Trees don’t take it personally when the wind blows, pushing them around. They just bend as much as they can and let the wind blow. They don’t go into ‘Why me, it’s so unfair, i’m a good tree, I haven’t hurt anyone, etc’. They just bend and adjust. They just keep growing. And life can be much simpler and more enjoyable for us if we learn to do the same.
It is our emotional reactions to events in our life that create the suffering. If we just flow with life, accepting what occurs and adjusting to it as need be, we wouldn’t suffer as much.
The loss of that job or partner is not a tragedy, it is a step in your evolutionary process, it is leading you forward to something far greater.
When we are comfortable in our lives, we just sit and be still through much of it. This is beneficial, a time of rest, restrengthening. The bud is beginning to reach out, absorb the sun and is readying itself to burst forth in bloom when the time is right.
Most of us will not step out of our nice, comfy place without a push, a life event catapaulting us forward to face whatever needs to be faced for our growth and evolution. We need the storms in order to grow. The floods and fires shake things up so that new life can spring forth once the tidal wave of change recedes.
Big events in our lives, unexpected massive changes to our lives are like these storms. They unhook us from our stable foundations and force us to adapt, to find a way to evolve and grow.
Human beings are part of nature and are also exposed to similar cycles and patterns of growth. Nature itself shows us the most useful way to respond. Nature adapts and moves on.The deer run when the lion is around and rest when it is not. The bear hibernates in winter. He doesn’t push through, trying to force things to be different than they are. He just does the wisest thing he can to conserve his energy and stay strong. He rests, sleeps deeply and awakens when the time is right and the harvest is present. We do the same.
Spending time in nature helps us in so many ways. The green colour which is so prevalent in natural scenes soothes our heart and helps the heart chakra open. The blue of water soothes our throat making it easier for us to calmly speak our truth. The beauty of nature leaves us in awe of life and to creation, helping us consider that there may be a creator who produced all of this magnificence.
Nature soothes us, replenishes us and helps us ground within our bodies, to come out of the head or mind chatter and be present in the moment.Walking bare foot on grass helps us heal. It allows the energy of the Earth to travel up our legs and calm the body. It is a good cure for jet lag too, helping us adjust to the new location / new energy that you are in.
Nature truly is our friend, of great benefit to us and when we destroy it, we are harming ourselves literally. Without nature in abundance the air we breathe would not get cleansed or purified, the water cycle would not work as well and pollution would stagnate in our water instead of being filtered out. The soil would erode without tree roots holding it in place and the land would become barren, making it more difficult to grow our food.
When we disturb the balance of nature we suffer as well. So plant some trees, support your local environmental groups and give thanks to this wonderful planet who supports us, nourishes us and heals us, all without asking for recognition, compensation or reward. Thank you Mother Nature. Thank you. Blessed BE, Amen.
People are over controlling when they feel scared and vulnerable underneath. They micro-manage everything in an attempt to stay safe and have everything work out as they want it to. If another person does not behave the way they want, the first person is likely to get very angry as they fear the consequences of that person’s actions will be devastating.
Underneath it all is FEAR, lots of fear, hurt and sadness which has built up over the person’s lifetime. The controlling personality is just a defense mechanism to cover up the fear and protect their vulnerability.
In reality the process of over controlling is exhausting, it is done frantically, manically. It is not a peaceful process and it certainly isn’t kind. A controlling person can be very bossy and judgmental as they push through trying to force the outcome they need to feel safe.
They are not thinking about the other person’s feelings or needs, only their own. While this sounds selfish, it is not really. It is not coming from a place of my needs are more important than yours. It is coming from a space of ‘I need you to do this in order for me to feel safe, I am in danger unless you do this, you must do this, please do this’. It is a painful way to live, so desperate and afraid.
Many controlling people appear tough, cold, judgmental, unemotional, but that is just the mask they wear to cover up their vulnerability and fear. What the person really needs is to drop the mask, feel the feelings, release the hurt and sadness, learn to speak their truth in kind and loving ways.For instance:
‘I know I have been pushy and controlling wanting you to do certain things. I’m sorry that I have been so forceful. I was afraid that if you didn’t do those things, X would happen and that worries me. I’m scared Y will occur and I wanted to avoid that. I understand you don’t feel the same ways as me and you may have felt I was saying “You are not good enough as your are”. Please know that I never meant for you to feel that. You are a beautiful child of God on your own path of healing and wholeness. I was just scared and wanted to avoid what I feared would occur. What I really need is to say all of this to you and stop pretending to be strong. Can we work out a plan together to tackle this situation, then I can relax knowing that it will be okay.
When I start to get scared or frustrated can you please just give me a hug, help me to feel okay, safe, reassured that all is okay. I would love it if we could do that. I know it is not your job to look after me, I will look after me, I am just sharing how I feel. I will do my best to let go and trust you to do what is agreed to. I may slip up and be pushy occasionally – this has been a lifetime habit. If I do slip up just let me know and give me a hug. Please don’t get mad at me. I mean no harm, I’m just scared and need to be comforted and reassured. Thank you for loving me, listening to me, and caring for me. I love you and value you and want to treat you better and I will do so. Thank you’
If a person who has been over controlling like this can speak their truth, the armour can start to melt, they can let go of the rigidity, soften the emotions and feel their heart beat.They will need to learn self supportive talking techniques to reassure themselves whenever they start feeling vulnerable. They will need to learn positive thinking / thought stopping skills, so they can stop a negative thought in its tracks and change it to a more positive one. ‘Yes, I used to believe it would be a disaster if …. occurred. I know now that I would cope, even if it did occur. In all the years of worrying about …… it has never or rarely happened and even when it has, it hasn’t been that bad. I’ve coped. I’ve survived. I’ve learned and I’m okay!’
Worry is pointless, it really is, let it go. Let go of wasting your days in fear. Let it go. Focus on your breathing and calm your body this way. Deepen your breathing as much as you can. Long breaths into the belly help your body to calm and to regulate itself. Fear chemicals will get dissolved and you can return to a state of balance and peace.
Know that those people who appear most rigid, have the most emotion locked inside them. They have not processed and released it. They have bottled it up inside and they are like a pressure cooker waiting to explode. They are under great internal pressure that they need to learn to regulate, to let the steam out little by little, in manageable ways until the pressure has dissipated.
The body actually has a natural mechanism to do this. It will ‘tremor’ to release the tension, stress and trauma that has accumulated in the body. You can activate the tremoring mechanism to safely discharge the blocked energy and calm your nervous system out of fight and flight back to peace. If you would like to learn more about the tremoring process see the Trauma and Tension Release Exercises (TRE) page of my website.
Processing the emotions underneath controlling behaviour will take time and courage to face the truth of your feelings and drop your personality mask. It requires a willingness to be vulnerable, to meet and reveal your true self, your inner child and all the hurts that have been hidden. Doing so leads to freedom, to inner peace, better relationships and more enjoyment of life. It is worth doing. Blessed BE. Amen.
Disappointment comes from wishing things had been different, from being unhappy with what was. But as you hold yourself in that place of unhappiness your future can not be happy. So to overcome disappointment with your life you need to learn to be happy and accept what is.
No matter what life brings you, you can always choose happiness. It is a choice.You can choose to celebrate the gifts you do have – food, shelter, friends, a job. Even if you don’t like the job or the home, at least you have one. Appreciate them. Appreciate all the good in your life, then things can improve.
Literally, as you chose to focus on what you want and taking steps towards it, you create the future anew and positive, supportive chemicals in your body. As you focus on the old, on the fact that nothing changes or that you have missed out on so much, you are creating sad, depressive chemicals in your body, which is why your body will then feel lethargic, at a loss, no motivation to do anything. You are bogging yourself down with heavy baggage. You have to let it go.
Doing so involves living in the moment, creating fun and joy. Do this. It can be as simple as playing some music that uplifts you or makes you laugh and want to dance. Light candles, incense and decorate your home in such a way that it feels a peaceful, happy place to dwell. Colour can really help to brighten things up. Spending time in nature also helps lighten the load – the green of the grass, trees, shrubs, etc opens our heart chakra back up, so we can feel connected, held, supported.
Your parents did the best they knew how and while you may wish that was different, it is the truth, and what occurred is what happened. You can’t change that and no matter how much you wish it was different, it can’t be. It has happened. Your choice is to waste your now upset about it or to use your energy to create an enjoyable now and a future you will enjoy and be proud of.
If nagging thoughts, sadness and preoccupation with the past continues to haunt you, then see a therapist to help you ‘unhook’ from it. There are many ways to do this – EFT, Psych-K, Lifeline Technique and more. Lots of ways to change subconscious beliefs and patterning that keeps you stuck in the old way. Family constellations can help shift the dynamics in the family so love can flow freely from the ancestors to the current generation. These are energetic processes that can help free you from what was and find peace. They don’t change the past but help you to see them and react to them differently. It doesn’t matter what the others involved do now. They don’t have to change for you to be happy. It is you who has to change, to see the truth of what is and to take responsibility for creating a life you desire.
Acknowledge the sadness of your inner child who is waiting for you to love him/her and to play with him/her. You can be the best parent to yourself. You can talk nicely to yourself, buy yourself presents, take yourself on excursions and outings to fun and interesting places. You can nurture yourself with massage and treats. You can cook yummy, healthy food for yourself and go on adventures. You are the one who can free yourself and give yourself the love that you need.
Literally, you can talk to your inner child and comfort him/her, give him/her a hug and hold her close. You can bring him/her into your heart chakra and tell him/her how much you love him/her and how precious he/she is. If you don’t have time to go on an actual outing, you can do a guided visualisation with your inner child and see yourself having fun.
It is up to you, you have to choose to prioritise time for having fun, for making your life how you want it to be.Next time a disappointment thought comes up change it to something more positive and take action to have fun – to do something you always wanted to do but didn’t get to do. Go dancing, play a sport, go camping, have an adventure. Do it. Do it. Do it.
If you are finding it difficult to choose to do things differently, to see the goodness around you, it can be because you still have emotional pain inside – be it sadness, anger or resentment. This creates stress and tension in your body.
It helps to release the stress and tension so that your body relaxes more, you feel lighter and then it is easier to do something different. While you are weighed down with the heavy baggage you feel sluggish, lethargic and like there’s no point trying, it’s too hard.
There are many ways to release stress and tension out of your body. One that I use and teach others is Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE). TRE is literally a process for activating the body’s natural stress, tension and trauma releasing process. Your body will shake out all that no longer serves it over time, freeing you of the density and enabling you to lighten up and have fun. To see examples of TRE in use and to learn more about it visit the TRE page of my website.
The mundane can be made extraordinary when you release your stress and emotional pain, change your self-talk and subconscious programming.
Who says your life should be any different? Why does life owe you more? Who do you think you are to know more than God? Your life was set before you incarnated. You chose the lessons you wanted to master and the people and situations to help you do so. It is all unfolding as it needs to and life brings you the events, people and situations to help you grow. When you accept this and flow with what is, life is much easier. It is only when we resist this, fight against it, etc, that we struggle. So let go of the struggle and flow with life. It really is okay to do so and you deserve it. You deserve to be happy and enjoy your life. Let go of expectations and accept what is. Choose to enjoy each day, to see the beauty all around you, to see the smile and joy of children, animals and nature. It is up to you – choose to see and feel the joy or choose the gloom and doom. You are harming yourself if you choose to stay stuck. You can move forward as soon as you are willing to let go of the past, be in the now, and take action to create the future you desire. You can do it. It is worth the effort. Blessed BE. Amen.
My higher self gave me this simple but important advice (19 Nov 2014).
When you fall into a low mood wondering if it is all worth it, it is because you are focused on what is wrong with the world and your life, instead of focusing on what is right and possible. You are getting better at focusing on what you want, on believing it is possible, on enjoying life regardless of the situation.
Jodi-Anne started her career as a local government Environmental Health Officer. She soon became interested in how to obtain behaviour change for sustainability and specialised in this area. She conducted the research for her PhD on this topic with a focus on business sustainability. Since then she has branched into activities for creating more sustainable and adaptable communities where people work in partnership for the good of all.
Jodi-Anne studied to become a Counsellor majoring in healing from Child Abuse, as she wanted to help heal herself and those around her who had suffered painful beginnings to life. She saw how deeply this affected people and limited their ability to love and accept themselves, to connect with others and with the Earth. She saw how the emotional pain people held inside led to dysfunction and disease, in particular to consumption and addiction. These coping mechanisms are ultimately unhelpful – burdening the individual, society and the environment. We need to heal ourselves so that we can be peaceful and harmonious in our interactions with our self, others and the Planet.
Jodi-Anne has a Bachelor of Applied Science (Environmental Health), a Post Graduate Diploma in Natural Resource Management, a PhD in obtaining behaviour change for sustainability, a Diploma in Professional Counselling (Abuse) and a Certificate IV in Workplace Training and Assessment. She has designed and facilitated leadership development programs for business and government organisations in conjunction with Global Achievers Company. She has also taught sustainability related topics at the University level and the Vocational Education and Training Sector level (TAFE). She enjoys teaching and continues to do so teaching a range of personal development workshops at the WEA (a local community college in South Australia).
Jodi-Anne loves to learn and is grateful for all she has experienced in her life. She now sees the painful childhood as a gift that has helped her evolve, learn self-love, forgiveness and true peace. She knows that if she had not been sexually abused and left alone so much by her parents who were out drinking, she would not have gained her immense desire for growth and healing. She would not have focused so much on learning and study. It was her pain that propelled her forward, fuelled her determination to have a successful career and feel some sense of security and control. Of course that would later be shattered as she realised the perfection of it all and surrendered to the guidance of the Universe, showing her how she could best serve the Planet based on her experiences.
Jodi-Anne started her life full of pain, disappointment and shame. She felt unloved and unwanted by her parents and worked hard to succeed and prove she was worth loving. She hoped to get noticed and loved, but found that she rejected any kindness for lack of trusting it was real. She was wounded and armoured living from the mind and closing her heart so as not to feel the pain within or experience any more loss and disappointment.
She achieved many impressive promotions in her career and multiple qualifications only to realise that these did not make her happy or healthy. She realised in time that she hated her life and fell in and out of depression for many years. She awoke to God and the greater evolutionary journey in her mid 20’s. Since then she has been focused on releasing her emotional pain and baggage to return to a state of harmony and peace. She has used many different healing modalities and is trained in those she found most beneficial – Psych-K, Reiki, Light Therapy.
In an unexpected turn of events Jodi-Anne found herself returning to the role she first commenced her career with. She had loved that role and sang through each day enjoying being of service to the community as an Environmental Health Officer. She is currently reliving this experience and happy living simply and performing a job she enjoys and enjoying her life outside of work.
For the first time ever she has no desire to achieve, advance, fix, heal or change herself or anyone else for that matter. She finally has peace inside and is content being in that feeling and opening to greater balance in her life with social activities, close heart-focused friends and a love for life.
She is not seeing clients or offering healing services at this stage.This is a time of celebrating the peace within and honouring self. Jodi-Anne will from time to time post on this website. She will not however be on here regularly so do not be surprised if she does not answer emails or queries quickly. She is finally living and loving her life.
It is her hope that all beings find this peace and become that in the world, for then we truly will have peace on Earth. Much love to all, Jodi-Anne x
I love the Voice Dialogue work of Hal and Sidra Stone. In this short video they are explaining how many relationships end when the partners have not maintained ‘energetic linkage’ with each other. At the start of a relationship we feel ‘connected’ very strongly and it is that connection that feeds the relationship and keeps it strong.
If either partner moves the majority of their energetic focus elsewhere the connection withers and eventually dies. This happens quite commonly when one partner may get focused more on work or a hobby. The majority of their attention is focused on that and not on the relationship, so the partners start to feel less close. Over time they drift apart until they no longer feel any connection with each other. It is very sad when this happens.
There does not necessarily need to be conflict, it is just a loss of connection and closeness. A common time when this occurs is with the birth of the first child. The wife may focus the majority of her attention on the child and the husband can feel left out. Not understanding why he feels sad or alone he may focus his time and energy on his work, his car, a hobby e.g. the Ipad / computer or start an affair to get the emotional connection from another source.
Sadly many people don’t talk about the growing void in the relationship, the feeling of loss or disconnection. Perhaps, they don’t want to risk acknowledging their vulnerability or they may try to do so but feel unheard. They then shut down further, turning their focus elsewhere. It is common for a woman to focus her energy and time on the kids or with her girlfriends. These provide her with the nourishment she had been missing, but it reinforces the energetic connection with them and not the partner. If the relationship is to survive the main energetic connection needs to be with the partner.
It doesn’t take a lot of time or effort to keep your energetic linkage strong – just take a few minutes each day to connect emotionally, to look into each others’ eyes and really be present with each other. Talk from the heart sharing what you are going through. Once a week or so go out and do something together that you both enjoy. The more you nurture the connection the stronger it will be. Even just holding the intent for their to be a strong connection helps – it reverberates out and the other will feel it energetically.