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Healing from child abuse Self help techniques

Overview of techniques for emotional release

When emotions are overwhelming it is tempting to get busy, to turn to sugar or other addictions to numb out and escape the feelings. This just keeps the emotions buried inside. The only way to truly escape from them is to feel them and release them so that they are no longer inside, surfacing over and over again in an attempt to get you to embrace them.

There are many ways to feel and release emotions. Below is a range of techniques that you can use for either no or low-cost. Try each and see what works best for you. If you find that you still can’t cope with the intensity of the emotions then reach out for support. A list of free counselling helplines within Australia is included below. If you are not from Australia an internet search or question to your local doctor will hopefully provide you with details of similar services available close to you.

  • Expressing how you are feeling – Speak your truth, honour your feelings – just do it in a way that is safe. If that means screaming into a cushion or in the car with the windows wound up, do it. If it means crying while curled up on the floor, do it. If it means beating cushions on the lounge while expressing your anger, do it. If it feels safe to do, you may choose to imagine the person who upset you is there with you and tell them the consequences of their actions and its impact on your life. The important part is expressing what you feel. Letting it leave your body rather than locking it up inside you.
  • Writing out how you are feeling – a journal or diary can be used to write about how you are feeling and why. This honours your emotions and helps you to connect within, to reflect on what you are feeling and the reasons for it. It helps you to gain insight into your experiences and behaviour. It can be very helpful especially if you feel you can’t share what you are going through with anyone else. Some people like to express their feelings in poems or songs, they find that very therapeutic. You can also write letters (which you won’t actually send) to those that hurt you expressing your emotions, the impact on your life and your needs now. Because you don’t actually send the letter you can express the depth of your rage and grief, really letting the person know how you feel. After you’ve written it rip the letter up and burn it, let it and the emotions go.
  • Drawing how you are feeling – art can be a powerful method for releasing emotions as it is more ‘feeling’ based and less ‘thinking’ based. Pick up crayons, paint or clay – whatever feels right – and use it to express what you’re feeling. Just scribble or draw, allow what needs to be expressed to come out. You don’t need to try and draw something specific, let it evolve out of your emotions. It can be very surprising to see what appears this way. When it’s done the emotion is out of you and on the paper. You can keep your drawings as a record of your healing journey or rip them up and burn them as a symbolism of release.
  • Moving the energy – emotions are energy in motion (e-motion). You can shift anger and rage by doing vigorous exercise. Go for a walk, run, swim or whatever form of exercise feels right. Do a gym class, punch a punching bag, whatever works for you. As you exercise you release the pent up energy and therefore the emotions.
  • Embracing the healing power of nature – sitting or walking in nature can be a powerful healer. I find that being in a garden or forest helps me to centre and ground, to balance back up, to feel stronger, more peaceful and able to cope with whatever I’m facing. Standing near or in the ocean, feeling the salt air or the salt water if I’m in it helps cleanse me, freshen me, drain away the negative emotions, leaving me feeling lighter, cleaner and stronger. (Having a bath with a handful of rock salt in it does a similar thing).
  • Meditation – If you can sit still and meditate then simply observing your emotions and the associated thoughts can allow them to shift and release. They no longer need to fight for your attention so they quieten down as you honour them and accept them – as you acknowledge the reason the emotions arose and what information they are giving you about your life and any actions needing to be taken. Just sit and breathe deeply, witness what occurs within your body. Allow emotions, thoughts, images and memories to surface and release. Our breath is very powerful and can shift even the most intense of emotions if you allow the process to occur – keep breathing and witnessing – and allow the emotions to flow and shift. Trust that they will move and breathe through any resistance.
  • Flower remedies – There are a wide range of flower remedies such as Bach Flower Remedies and Australian Bush Flower Essences. These are relatively low-cost and help the body to balance emotions and clear blockages. There are remedies to assist when you have experienced shock or trauma (Rescue Remedy or SOS Remedy). There are also remedies specific for individual emotions and issues – such as grief, fear, anger, sadness or for building confidence, self-love and self-esteem. Many health food shops and some chemists stock flower remedies within Australia. They can also be ordered over the internet from wholesale stockists or manufacturers.

Australian Counselling Helplines

Below are the details of some of the free counselling services provided by organisations within Australia. (This information was accurate as of 2010.) Visit their websites to find out what other services they provide or can refer you to. There are often support groups and sometimes workshops you can attend. There are also some Government funded services to support those suffering from depression and mental health issues. Ask your local doctor about what services are available in your local area.

Adults Surviving Child Abuse (ASCA), Phone: 1300-657-380 – provides support, information and referrals throughout Australia to survivors of all forms of child abuse and neglect, male and female, family members, supporters as well as health professionals. Operating hours are 9–5 EDST with answering machine outside these hours and while counsellors are on another call. All calls made after hours will be returned the following day. http://www.asca.org.au/

Kids help line Phone: 1800 55 1800 – Kids Help Line is Australia’s only free, confidential and anonymous, 24-hour telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged between five and 18. http://www.kidshelpline.com.au/

Lifeline Phone: 131 114 – A 24-hour telephone counselling service available for anyone, at any time, and from anywhere in Australia for just the cost of a local call. http://www.lifeline.com.au

Parent help line Phone: 1300 364 100 – The Parent Helpline is a service of the SA Government Department Children, Youth and Women’s Health Service and provides telephone information, counselling and support – 24 hours a day, seven days a week, every day of the year. It is available to parents of children and young people from birth to twenty five years and to people working with children and young people, including teachers and childcare providers. http://www.parenting.sa.gov.au/helpline/. For details of services provided in other states of Australia see: http://www.aifs.gov.au/nch/resources/counselling.html#nat

Paying for supportive healing services

If you have funds to spend then you can of course choose from a wide range of modalities and services to assist you with your healing journey.

  • If you want to talk about your experiences – then Counsellors, Coaches, Psychiatrists and Psychologists may be of assistance. Each has a different approach, cost and use. Ask questions before deciding on a practitioner to see. What is his or her experience with healing from child abuse? Do they regularly prescribe the use of anti-depressants and medication? How long do they normally see clients for? What are their spiritual beliefs? Find someone who you resonate with, who feels safe to be with and who listens to and honours you. Be prepared that you will probably feel worse before you feel better. As you make insights about your life and the reasons for your behaviours you will uncover the pain that led to your conditioning and repetitive patterns. It is painful facing all of this but it has to be done in order to heal and find inner peace. Take your time, rest when you need to and explore yourself and your past at a rate you can handle. Many abuse survivors, like me, push themselves way too hard in an attempt to heal quickly. Be kind to yourself.
  • If you want to use non-talk focussed approaches – then a range of methods can be used to support your body to release and heal. Massage is very beneficial; especially for physical and sexual abuse survivors who learn from it that touch can be safe and nurturing. There are many different types of body-work that can be of assistance, including: acupuncture, bowen, myofascial release, reiki and rolfing. Ask friends what they have tried and felt helped. Get referrals to practitioners that people you trust have visited. Do some research on the internet and follow your intuition as to what feels most appropriate for you. Try something and if after a few visits it doesn’t feel helpful, try something else. When you have found something that works for you, stick with it. Allow it to take you deep within. Often people stay at the surface by chopping and changing the modalities that they are using. They fail to go deep within, feel their pain and release it. Instead they just seek pleasure from these body-work approaches. While this feels good it’s not achieving the ultimate need – releasing the emotions buried within the body.
  • If you are willing to talk a little – then there are a range of practices available that are quick and brief therapies rather than involving years and years of talking. Homeopathy can be very beneficial – you talk just enough that the practitioner can select the right remedy to support you with the major issues you are currently facing. You use that for four to six weeks then return to repeat the process. Thought Field Therapy, PSYCH-K, and the LifeLine Technique can help you to release buried emotions and/or change self-defeating, subconscious beliefs. You don’t have to explain your history or anything about yourself. Just tell the practitioner what the topic is that you want to work on and any beliefs that you want to change. They will then guide you through the process. A different topic is worked on each session.

There are many options and many ways to heal. The above are just a sampling of techniques that I’ve experienced as beneficial in my healing journey. See where you feel guided and follow that path. Trust in yourself and the process. Your journey like everyone else’s will be unique to suit your unique needs and issues.

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Healing from child abuse Self help techniques Uncategorized

Letting go of control and worry

A lot of us spend a huge amount of time and energy trying to control what happens in our life. We may attempt to control what our partner and children do, what happens at work, how we look at all times, how our friends and family behave, and what other people think of us. Ultimately all of this is wasted time and energy because we can’t control these things. Worrying about them certainly doesn’t help, it just drains us.

All we can control and change is our self – our thoughts, beliefs, behaviours – how we react to people and situations. Once we realise this we can use our time and energy more wisely, focusing on improving our self and doing what we want with our life. This is a big key to freedom and happiness. It’s like the serenity prayer:

God help me to recognise the things I can control and the things I can’t

Things I can change / control Things I can’t change / control
What I think about myself What other people think of me
My beliefs, opinions & expectations. How I react to & judge other people My feelings
Speak honestly about my feelings & what I want. What I do to & for other people Other people’s feelings
What I swallow today. What I do for exercise today My weight today
Make amends for past actions. What I will do now & in the future What I did in the past
The pain I feel from the past. What I say to people What others did in the past
My level of independence. My ability to cope with what others do.How I behave. What other people do now & in future
The people I spend my time with Who my family members are
What I do to earn money Time wasted in a job I don’t like
My activity & stress levels now & in the future. My diet Being sick today
The present & what I do that may assist in a positive future The future
Accept myself & take action to accomplish what I want What other people accomplish
My level of gratitude for what I do have. How much I enjoy my life as it is. What other people have or do that I can’t do
My attitude towards aging. Staying young at heart, fit & healthy Getting older
Make the most of every day. My beliefs about what death means Dying

More detailed explanations of some of the above:

  • Your feelings – When a feeling has been triggered such as anger or grief, you have that feeling – you can’t wish or ignore it away. It’s there. You need to work through those feelings, allow yourself to feel them and release them in a healthy way. Once the feeling has passed you can then train yourself not to react that same way in the future, you can change your beliefs and thinking so that you don’t get angry or hurt by what someone else does or says.
  • Your partner’s behaviour – When your partner does something that you don’t like, you can try to ignore it and say nothing. You can waste energy wishing they wouldn’t do whatever it was that upset you. You can waste energy trying to control them by telling them off and telling them what you think they should do. Or you can try to manipulate them so that they feel guilty or ashamed to behave the way they did. Ultimately all of these techniques will not work and will only cause larger problems. You can’t control anyone else’s behaviour, so you’re wasting your time. You’re better of to stop, look and listen to yourself. What has upset or annoyed you? Why? What do you assume your partner’s behaviour means? What has it triggered in you from the past? Is your judgment about the way it should be done reasonable? Learn from it. Then honestly discuss your feelings and your response to what they did with them. That way you can both learn about each other and resolve the issue.
  •  Expectations – Let go of conditional thinking – if I do ……….. then ………….. will happen. Life is not that simple and having expectations just sets yourself up for disappointment. Let it go and flow with life.

Prepared by: Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, 2006, Letting go of control and worry, adapted from: Hendricks G & Johncock P, 2005, The book of life – the master key to inner peace and relationship harmony, The Transformational Book Circle, Ojal, California.

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Healing from child abuse

Trust is a must!

So, so true. You deserve to be loved fully, do not settle for less.

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Healing from child abuse Health

Addiction – understanding and overcoming addictions

This post contains information I prepared as a course handout on addiction several years ago. I share it in the hope that it assists someone to gain clarity and insight into how best to help themselves or a loved one suffering from addiction. Love, Jodi-Anne.

Addiction types and why used

There are many types of addictions. They vary greatly from substances relied on to help us get through the day (coffee, tea, sugar, fat) to those stronger drugs used to escape our feelings and reality (alcohol, smoking, cannabis, LSD, coacaine, heroin, etc). There are also addictions that are action based (work-a-holism, shopping, gambling, lying, stealing, sexual addiction). There are many types of addiction. Some society condones – study, working, shopping. Some society fears and shames those involved – illicit drugs and alcoholism.

All of these addictions are used as a way to cope, to attempt to feel better, to enjoy life, however the high is only temporary, requiring the addict to use again / to repeat the activity over again. Sometimes at higher doses or risk. Until ultimately there is a crash – a near death experience – over dose, car crash, blood poisoning; a terrifying experience – waking up in an unknown place or with an injury or person you don’t remember connecting with. It may be a loss of a job, home or family when they can take it no more. Some tragedy has to happen for the addict who is truly afflicted and caught in the co-dependent cycle to wake up and want to change. Without that crash the addict may not be ready to make the effort to heal. No-one will be able to force them to. Healing is an inner process that must unfold at a rate the addict can handle. It must be done in a supportive environment where the addict feels safe, accepted and encouraged. Any guilt, shame, pressure or judgement will just drive them further into addiction.

codependency cycle

An addict may seem to improve temporarily but if you watch closely you may notice that they have simply swapped one source of addiction for another – changed substances or fixes.  To really heal you have to go within, deal with the source of the unrest, of the need to medicate, numb out, find a high. You need to heal the pain, release the shame, guilt, feelings of loss, abandonment, not being good enough, not being loved and accepted as you were by your parents and any others through your life that have caused you trauma or a low sense of self-esteem and self-acceptance. You have to learn to love and honour yourself and treat yourself well – to become your own happy, loving parent.

Addiction sources and healing process

Some addicts do come from what appear to be happy homes, but somehow they developed an angst that needed to be filled by an addiction of some sort. Perhaps they felt stifled as a child, given too much attention, felt a need to achieve or be perfect. They may have felt trapped in a box of expectations and felt they couldn’t live up to it, so they gave up.

They may indeed have had a happy home (this is extremely rare due to the way the conditioning process works – the psychology of child development and the most common child rearing practices and disciplines). But let’s say they did have a happy home. They were totally loved, accepted, held regularly, fed when they were hungry, comforted, had all their needs met. They weren’t yelled at, disciplined through harshness but through kindness. They escaped unharmed from their early years. Then they went to school! For many people school is a nightmare – from bullying, to challenges with subject material that they can’t grasp or feeling they don’t fit in, or can’t do what others can – sport, academic, dance – whatever it may be. Some very rare individuals may escape school unscathed. Then comes relationships and work where further potential loss, hurt, betrayal, feeling not good enough, rejected, etc can come.

Somewhere along the line life provided a knockout blow that the person couldn’t cope with and they turned to an addiction to cope, to numb the pain, to feel free of their inner pain. They may be able to cope when the specific events occurred but they are cumulative all adding together until one day the foundation crumbles and addiction commences.

Even those who start young experimenting with drugs and alcohol do so because they are unhappy in some way. This is not to say their parents did anything wrong. They probably did the best they could. But their child has grown vulnerable to addiction due to some experience. The way society operates today encourages this. We are all so busy rushing around that we don’t get to love and cherish our children as we should. Working parents, divorces, step-parent issues, poverty, stress, use of TV and computer games as ways to escape and entertain children. All diminish the quality time connecting – talking, sharing, encouraging / accepting, honouring, loving each other, sitting quietly together or in nature playing non-competitive games or art or dance or many other ways that we can interact in positive relationship building and affirming ways that let our children know they are loved, accepted, okay. They are safe. The world is a good place that will provide their needs. They can follow their hearts and achieve their dreams. Few children get such a positive foundation to life, a foundation of self-acceptance and self-esteem to live from.

Most get fear and self-judgement, a need to impress or achieve or hide to keep safe. These are the underlying sources of addiction and it is these issues that need to be healed so the addict stops self-medicating or moving from one form of addiction to another. When they heal they find inner peace, love and eventually even joy and happiness. It can be done. It takes a lot of effort and willingness to face your past, feel and release the emotions buried within, face the fears and risk showing who you really are, risking rejection and ridicule to follow your heart, speak your truth, even if it is very different to other people. You become your authentic self, the person you were born to be, that has been hiding behind addiction and a raft of defense mechanisms acting as a protective mask. Keeping the vulnerable true self hidden away safely inside.

Addiction is very challenging to overcome as using is so quick and easy compared to the healing work. This is why for most people it takes some kind of disaster – trauma and crisis – to get them ready to make the effort, to face their demons and break free. Without that it is just too easy to keep escaping. But when you’ve truly lost something you love, then that shock, that pain may be enough to tip the scales. That is why you should not ‘enable’ an addict. Don’t clean up after them, bail them out, lie or make excuses for them. Don’t try to protect them by rescuing. They need to face the consequences of their actions if they are to heal and take responsibility. Yes, it is hard to watch them suffer but if they create the mess they need to deal with it. You can simply be there to support them emotionally as they pick themselves back up, offering love, forgiveness, acceptance – this is what they need.

Rescuing and the drama triangle

Drama TriangleSome ‘do-gooders’ think they are helping but they actually have their own form of addiction called ‘rescuing’. They get to escape the dissatisfaction they have in their own life – be that with themselves, their relationships, their job, their family, etc – by focussing on whoever they are rescuing. They feel good about themselves, righteous even, and this is their fix. But their love and support is not real, it is conditional. They will be there for the addict for a length of time, appearing so saintly and wonderful, but eventually when they get frustrated enough, they will snap, moving from ‘rescuer’ to ‘persecutor’ telling the addict off, judging them as a hopeless case. The rescuer didn’t get what they wanted – to feel like they saved the addict and the addict owed them, was grateful to them. That doesn’t happen so they move into the persecution role, which does not help the addict at all.

The other role that gets played is that of ‘victim’. When the rescuer knows the addict is lying to them, using, stealing or in some other way being irresponsible the rescuer may accept this for a while, until they again move into the persecutor role. Upon which the addict becomes victim to their tyranny of judgement and imposed shame, blame and guilt.

This is the drama triangle and each person moves through the roles of victim, persecutor, rescuer until someone steps into the centre of the triangle, speaks the truth and stops the game. This triangle happens all the time in life – at work, in families, with friends. It is a pattern that repeats until people become aware of it and no longer allow the game to proceed. Choosing instead to feel, to heal, to speak your truth. This is one of the first steps in healing.

So the seeds of addiction are planted from a very young age, especially if there is a family history of addiction that is repeated generation after generation. This may partly be a genetic predisposition, but it is also simply learnt behaviour. If you grow up in an active addiction filled home – you learn that is the way life is lived. You simply see that as normal as you know no other way. This is how it repeats. Also you will tend to subconsciously play out the pattern attempting to heal the issues with your parents. So many ‘Adult Children of Alcoholics’ marry an alcoholic. They either become an alcoholic themselves or they marry one or work with one. They attract it into their lives so they face their pain and heal.

Again this happens naturally enough – if they were raised in an alcoholic home that is what feels normal to them, so they accept partners behaving that way too. They may believe deep inside that they don’t deserve better, that this is how relationships are. Their beliefs affect their actions and their experiences in life. It is these beliefs that need to be changed to break the pattern and cycle of addiction and pain. Getting to the point where you do believe that you are okay, lovable, acceptable, that you deserve to be treated well, that you are a good person, and that good things can happen to you. These and many other positive subconscious (deep) beliefs form the foundation of health and recovery. “I cope easily with my life”. “I love and accept all that occurs”. “I forgive those that hurt me and let go of the past”. “I live in the now and focus day by day”. “I’m doing okay”. “I’m proud of how far I’ve come”. “I know I will make it”.

The use of affirmations can be very powerful. This can be done for free wherever you are. Have them written up where you will see them and read them regularly. Say them out loud. Write them and notice what negative comments occur within you. Repeat this – writing the affirmation and then listening for the internal reaction, writing that, then the affirmation again. Do it about 20 times in a sitting. This will give you insight into what your resistance to healing is, to what negative beliefs you have that need changing. This is a powerful process to do. You can use affirmations many times throughout the day when you feel yourself tempted to use your addictive substance or behaviour.

You can also use ‘Thought Field Therapy (TFT)’ or ‘Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT)’ –  energetic tapping processes that helps to relieve the build-up of energy encouraging you to use. With TFT there is a sequence to use for addictive urge. There are also tapping sequences for releasing the underlying emotions and problems leading to the urge. This helps to release the pent up energy and emotion. It is similar to acupuncture but without needles, just tapping on the meridian points. There are many different treatments that can be used. Some cost, some don’t.

Affirmations is a good place to start as it is free and it works. At first you may feel stupid saying to yourself “I love and accept myself” over and over. You know you don’t believe it. But repeating it regularly plants the seed in your subconscious and it slowly sprouts and grows, till one day you find you do actually believe it. The strength of affirmations is increased if you say them while looking at yourself in the mirror. You stare into your own eyes while saying “I love and accept myself” or “I choose health and happiness now” or whatever affirmation you use.

The process can be sped up by using techniques like ‘Psych-K’ or ‘The Lifeline Technique’ which reprogram the desired belief into your subconscious mind. It literally replaces the old one so that your dominant, underlying thought is the new one. These techniques are part of the new energy psychology tools that have evolved from split brain research. They help to get both sides of the brain communicating which makes subconscious belief change possible – quickly and easily.

There are many different ways to health, for some they will start with swapping from a less desirable addiction to one less dangerous – so the heroin user may become a sugar junkie or a gym junkie and push themself that way. Notice that word ‘pushing’ – that is a key challenge. Most people do not spend enough time ‘being’ – time spent being still, meditating, listening to their thoughts and feelings, dealing with whatever arises within them in the silence. It can feel uncomfortable, unnatural, a waste of time at first, but this is all just resistance to actually being with yourself and feeling everything that you feel inside. Persevere with it and you will find relief.

Whether you choose to meditate, sit in nature, use guided visualisation CDs, or do exercise then rest. Whatever method you use to help your body relax, de-stress and find peace is an important part of the healing process. Some embrace reiki, energetic healing, chakra balancing, massage or other body-work, which helps soothe your body and release the buried emotions and trauma from your cells. It all takes times and you move forward step by step, day by day, removing layer by layer the buried emotions, trauma and debris accumulated within your body. Be kind to yourself.

Surround yourself with others committed to healing so that you can encourage and support each other. This is why 12 step groups work. They provide a safe, accepting environment and community to be a part of. Clearly hanging out with active Addicts is not going to be helpful, so sometimes you do need to change friendship circles, disassociate from family members or others who encourage addictive behaviour. This can be very saddening and challenging, especially as some people will try to make you feel bad for doing so. They don’t want to face their own stuff and you choosing to do so reminds them that they should. Rather than feel that, they may choose to lash out at you. Don’t fall for the ploy. Be strong. Be loving and kind to yourself as much as you can. It is your life and you can choose to live it however you wish.

Remember there is a lot of support out there – from 12 step groups, counsellors and other therapists, to call lines and much more. If you truly want to heal and break free you can. Here are some good places to start if you want to find out more.

Recommended reading / next steps

Carl Peter Lehman: www.addiction-uncovered.com – free e-course and book ‘Addiction uncovered’

Claude Steiner: http://www.emotional-literacy.com/heal1.htm – free book ‘Healing Alcoholism’

Mark Jordan: http://freestopsmoking.homestead.com/ – free book ‘Stop smoking: break the chain’

Louise Hay DVD & Book – ‘You can heal your life’ – free e-course available on You Tube.

Counselling online – 1800 888 236 or http://www.counsellingonline.org.au/en/  available anytime

SA Alcohol & Drug Info Service – 1300 13 1340 cost of local call within SA, available anytime

Lifeline – 131 114 – 24 hour phone counselling available for anyone in Australia cost of local call.

National Cannabis Info & Helpline – 1800 30 4050 available 2pm–11pm Sunday to Friday

Quit Line – 131 848 or 137 848, available 8am–8pm Monday to Friday

Family Drug Support – 1300 368 186, available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week

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Healing from child abuse Health

Addiction – Russell Brand requests a more compassionate and loving approach to helping people heal

This is a 29 minute video clip of Russell Brand testifying at a Government Committee about reform to the way that addiction issues are regulated and handled. He openly shares his story of overcoming addiction and his belief that most addicts are people suffering from emotional, mental and spiritual maladies. If they heal these issues they no longer need the drug to mask their feelings and internal pain. Russell argues for a more compassionate and loving approach by Government, seeing addiction as a health issue and people needing support to heal, rather than being viewed as criminals or burdens to society. It is wonderful to see his authenticity and truth sharing – he urges more people to do the same, so that we can have a real discussion about these issues and how to resolve them.

[youtube=http://youtu.be/O_LHuII-jYQ]

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Uncategorized

Personal development dictionary L-Z

IMG_0493In this dictionary you will find a range of words commonly used in our every day language along with some interesting ‘spiritual / personal development’ interpretations of their meaning. I’ve gathered these from a range of books including the Conversations with God collection by Neale Donald Walsch, God I am by Peter Erbe and people such as Hermann Muller who teaches Psychosomatic Therapy. The explanations are my own interpretations and may not necessarily be exactly what the authors intended. It is fascinating to see how powerful our language is!!

LYING – When you lie, you don’t speak or live your truth, you don’t let your inner light shine. Hence the light of your being and your truth ‘lies (lays) down’ on the ground and you can get walked over. Lying leads to fear of being caught out, fear of talking to other people too much in case you slip up and contradict yourself. It leads to a lot of energy being used up in trying to remember everything you lied about to all the different people you lied to. It’s exhausting! Hence you become vulnerable and more fearful. You can become depressed. It feels like you’re pushed down with a heavy load to carry. Drop the load, tell the truth and you will lift yourself up – let your light and truth shine.

PASSED AWAY – Is a term we use when someone has died. Likewise if you are constantly thinking about the past and living life negatively affected by what has already happened to you then your body passes away. Your body is constantly caught up in those negative feelings and is unable to experience the present unhindered. When we live life this way our bodies age more rapidly. Science has confirmed this – anger and upset feelings lead to more acidity in the body which damages the cells. We also know this intuitively which is why we call wrinkles worry lines. Let go of the past, heal and enjoy life. Learn to love yourself, life and others. When you live in the now your body doesn’t age so much. You can even appear to look younger.

RELEASE – when you release buried emotions and tension you feel ‘real ease’ within yourself.

RESPONSIBILITY – RESPONDING with ABILITY – we all have the responsibility for how we choose to live our life. Every day we make lots of decisions and we can choose actions that lead to growth and healing or not. It is up to us. When someone pushes your buttons don’t react automatically. Stop and ‘respond with ability’ – make a choice you will be proud of.

SATAN – Seeing Anything As Negative – the universe is abundant and will support us if we just accept its love and assistance. Many of us don’t. We think it’s a ‘dog eat dog’ world. We have to work hard to survive. These are all just choices and beliefs. All just thoughts that we can change at any time we choose too.

SEX – Synergistic Energy Exchange – sex allows two people to be truly intimate. To connect in a very deep level of intimacy – ‘in to me you see’. It enables the energies of the two people to interact and exchange. It is a beautiful life creating gift.

UNIFORMED – when all people act the same, conforming to society’s standards then everything is uniform. We lose the diversity of life. This is ‘un-informed’. Reality is very diverse. we are all individuals. Conforming is a ‘con’, it is a ‘form’ of denial of yourself.

That’s it for the dictionary……. hope you enjoyed it!

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Uncategorized

Personal development dictionary E-K

heart radiate blue energyIn this dictionary you will find a range of words commonly used in our every day language along with some interesting ‘spiritual / personal development’ interpretations of their meaning. I’ve gathered these from a range of books including the Conversations with God collection by Neale Donald Walsch, God I am by Peter Erbe and people such as Hermann Muller who teaches Psychosomatic Therapy. The explanations are my own interpretations and may not necessarily be exactly what the authors intended. It is fascinating to see how powerful our language is!!

EGO – the ego directs where your Energy Goes – E-Go. Many people think the ego is bad and needs to be gotten rid off. This is impossible. It is a part of us and it is okay. The ego can be balanced and not misused. Your ego can be just as powerful doing good, helpful things for you as it can be for doing negative things when you’re not consciously aware of what you are doing.

FATE – From All Thoughts Everywhere – Our thoughts create our reality and what we experience. We are all made up of atoms of energy vibrating at a certain frequency. Our thoughts reflect our frequency of vibration and radiate out drawing in to us people, places, things and events that match our vibratory level. As you heal and ‘lighten up’ your vibratory level also lightens and therefore you attract in lighter, more harmonious events, people, places and things into your life. You create your own reality through your thoughts.

FEAR – False Emotion Appearing Real – fear is just the result of negative thinking. Fear helps us to avoid change and healing. Whatever you resist persists! So the longer you avoid facing your fears the longer they will remain. And they will get stronger because over time you will feel weaker, more incapable and more negative about yourself since you are still afraid. Fear, like illness, is designed to show you that something in your life is not aligned with love and your highest good. Fear enters your life to help you heal. If you face your fears, learn that there is nothing to be afraid of and move forward you will become fearless – more loving and trusting of your own ability to handle life and more trusting of life itself. You will learn to come from love – which is the opposite of fear.

GOD – Getting Over Denial – Many of the personal development and spirituality authors believe that we are all a part of god or if they don’t go so far as to say that they say we are all capable of becoming like god. In essence what they are saying is that we all have the potential to do whatever we want in our lives. We can all choose to be good, loving people helping ourselves and others. We can all have success, happiness, love, peace and harmony. However, we have to create it. There is no god out there directing our lives. We are the director. We are the one in control. We have total free will in this universe – we can do what we want. It is up to us.

HOLY SPIRIT – the ‘whole I spirit’. When you heal and embrace all parts of yourself you become whole. We all have the potential to behave in all ways. Many of us try to separate from or disown the parts of us that we judge as negative. For example we may try to push away or bury the parts of us that are judgmental, jealous, angry, sarcastic, or nasty. Yet those emotions and forms of behaviour are a part of being human. Each emotion is trying to tell us something, to make us aware that there is something about our experience in life that we don’t like, that isn’t in line with our highest good. We can learn from this. As we do so we learn to embrace all the parts of ourself as we heal and become whole. We let go of fear and can come from love in all things that we do. We become able to acknowledge that we are ‘wholly spirit’.

IDENTITY – is the ID also known as the personality covering the ENTITY or soul during its experience of being human. We are not our bodies or our mind. We are larger than that. We may think we are our bodies or our minds and judge ourself based on those, but they are not our true self. Many people believe in reincarnation, where the soul enters a body each lifetime so that it can experience physicality and all the challenges of being on Earth. This occurs so that we can learn all there is about life – to go through a wide range of experiences learning to let go of fear, to love ourself and others, to realise that we are all connected and the universe supports us in our efforts. To some this may seem like absolute rubbish – that’s fine. To others it will ring true. That’s fine too.

INCURABLE – Curable from withIN – Doctors often suggest that some diseases are not treatable by medicine – that they are incurable. People labelled with incurable diseases often feel that there is nothing that can be done. That they are doomed to die from the disease which has been classed as terminal. The findings of quantum physics experiments, spirituality and healing modalities would suggest otherwise. Many people have cured themselves of terminal cancer and other diseases. They do so by working within themselves – to heal all their hurts, painful emotions and experiences from the past. The memories of these past events is stored in the cells of your body and if you don’t release the emotion or face how you really feel then it can lead to dis-ease – your body is not at ease and it is trying to get your attention. For a great example of someone who has cured themselves of cancer read Brandon Bay’s book ‘The Journey’.

INNOCENCE – My INNER SENSE – following your intuition and letting what is inside of you out without modification results in being at peace with yourself and the world. It is very powerful. However, it can be challenging to do as the majority of people in society follow conditioned patterns of behaviour and unwritten rules. To stand outside of these and honour yourself can often be a lonely place to start with. As you progress you will meet like minded souls.

INTIMACY – IN TO ME SEE – seeing myself more clearly and allowing others to see my true self. We often hide who we are out of fear of being rejected by others. We may think that if people truly knew who we were deep down inside they wouldn’t like us. This is really sad. As a result of these fears we interact on a very shallow, surface level talking about the weather, jobs and other ‘safe’ items. We don’t discuss deep and meaningful issues, our fears, our hopes, dreams and aspirations. We don’t get to know the true essence of each other. This can lead us to feel alone even when we are with other people. True intimacy requires taking the risk of letting people really get to know you. Showing them who you really are. When you do this it can be scary to start with, but ultimately it is extremely rewarding as you really feel known, honoured, heard and loved by those you interact with. As you learn to love and accept yourself you will radiate this energy out which enables others to love and accept you more. The outer world reflects your inner world!!

I will share more examples in the next post!

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Uncategorized

Personal development dictionary A-D

In this dictionary you will find a range of words commonly used in our every day language along with some interesting ‘spiritual / personal development’ interpretations of their meaning. I’ve gathered these from a range of books including the Conversations with God collection by Neale Donald Walsch, God I am by Peter Erbe and people such as Hermann Muller who teaches Psychosomatic Therapy. The explanations are my own interpretations and may not necessarily be exactly what the authors intended. It is fascinating to see how powerful our language is!!

ADULT – As adults we have ADULTERATED our innocence (inner sense), changed it to fit in with others. Hence we don’t express ourselves. We behave – ‘be’ and ‘have’ what others ‘have’ and ‘be’ so that they feel comfortable around us.

ALONENESS – Many of us find it hard to spend time alone, especially in silence. We feel lonely and that feels like torture! This occurs when you don’t really like the person you are alone with – yourself!! As you heal and learn to accept and love yourself, spending time alone is great. You love the time to connect with your inner-self, to hear your thoughts, listen to your desires, to feel your feelings and to take action to create the life you want. You feel whole and connected to yourself, life and the universe. Hence aloneness becomes a beautiful experience of ‘All Oneness’.

ATONE – Some people talk about a need to atone for their sins. From a personal development point of view there are no sins – only learning opportunities. We learn that we don’t feel good about ourself when we do something that hurts others or ourself. We learn over time that hurting someone else just hurts me.

In this sense we are ‘at one’ with others. So to atone is to accept and live your life knowing that you are connected to others – that we are all one. Science shows that this is true in the sense that we are all breathing out dead cells and atoms from our body creating a soup of DNA, energy and information in the air. Each of us breathes some of this in and uses the atoms and energy in the air to create new cells in our body. Hence we all contain atoms and energy that have been in other people’s bodies. We truly are all connected! Spiritual authors also say that there is only one energy – that everything in the universe is made from this energy which is God – hence we are all ‘at one’ just experiencing life here on Earth.

BARGAIN – to bargain is to ‘bar gain’ from entering our life. Money can be seen as another way of expressing love. When we haggle down prices we are withholding love from those we are interacting with. We are coming from a focus on lack – a belief that there isn’t enough money or love so we need to be careful with it, stingy with it. We become reluctant to give and protect ourself. If everyone does this then the flow of money and love slows down. Life becomes more grim. Hence we diminish the likelihood that ‘gain’ will come into our life – when we don’t give freely we don’t receive freely! The world’s poorest nations are the ones where bargaining has become a way of life. Where withholding love from one’s brother has become the accepted norm and a cause of poverty. If you bargain down the price of an item from $100 to $80, then in your mind you will only value it as worth $80. Hence you lose out on $20 worth of enjoyment. Worse according to Peter Erbe author of God I am, you create an energy imbalance of $20 which means you will either lose the item, break it or experience some other loss or bill for the $20 plus interest later on. Peter claims that this is the universal law of compensation. He says that if someone offers you a discount without you asking then that is okay as you haven’t withheld your love – you still give freely what is asked. So to receive freely love, energy and all good things in life you have to give them away freely too. You have to trust the universe is abundant and will support you. Peter claims that whatever you do this with comes back to you in greater amount. However, if you give only so that you get more, it doesn’t work. You have to truly give freely with no expectation. This concept is a hard one for many of us who have experienced lack and poverty to swallow. However he claims and so do many others that it does work. The more you heal and accept yourself, you come from love. As you do this you see more love around you in the world. You realise that you don’t need material objects to make you happy and you’re happier with and grateful for whatever you do have. From this frame of mind it is easier to imagine giving freely and not being so self concerned, protective or self centred.

BEHAVIOUR – I change what I ‘be’ and ‘have’ to what ‘U R’ so that you will accept me. In doing so I lose contact with who I am. Often if we swallow what we would like to say or don’t do what we really would like to do, it feels horrible. It feels like a small death. In a sense it is. As every time we don’t honour our true self, we are dishonouring ourself. Internally we are flooded with ‘bad’ feelings – sadness or anger at ourself or the situation. We lose touch with our true self. We are all individuals and we are all therefore different. It’s meant to be that way!! Learning to love and accept yourself, to fully express yourself and to be who you really are at all times is part of your challenge here on Earth. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks about you – it’s only what you think about you that matters.

BELIEVE – What I ‘BE’ and ‘LIVE’ – knowing a concept like trust or self love is not worth much, it is only when you actually practice it in your life, that you really believe it.

CONFUSION – we are confused when we are ‘fused’ with our old beliefs which ‘con’ us into believing in lack, evil, scarcity – that the world is a harsh place. We may be set in our ways of thinking yet know that things aren’t working the way we want them to. We don’t know what to do about it – we feel confused. We need to un-focus from our old values and refocus on the greater reality – see the good in life. Confusion leads to a process of reorientation.

CRISIS – “Christ Is” – We learn and heal through crisis and pain. Without disruption to our lives many people would not take the time and effort to heal from their past hurts and focus on their personal growth – they try to ignore it and keep the past buried. Life is not going to be easy all the time. We all face challenges and can grow from them. Some people think they are being punished by God when something that they see as ‘bad’ happens to them. They’re not. It is a chance for growth. God, Christ, the Angels and Ascended Masters support us through such processes, helping us to find the strength to go on. This is aptly summarised in the saying “People turn to God when their foundations are shaking, Only to find that it is God who is shaking them”.

DEVIL – Denying Everything Valuable In Life – not seeing the perfection in everything – living life backwards – LIVED. Many of the personal development and spirituality authors believe that there is no devil. No such thing as evil. No judgement by God – only love and acceptance. It is we who judge ourself. It is we who create negative situations in our life by our thoughts and actions. If we get caught up in only seeing the negative in life we can spiral downwards into depression – it is our thoughts that create this. To overcome it we need to change our thoughts, start noticing and appreciating the good things that exist in the world and in our selves and our lives. Everything that happens to us occurs to help us awaken to love and let go of fear. If we don’t listen we have to attract larger lessons to help us. When you truly understand this and experience how it works and heal it becomes easier to see that everything is happening perfectly and the universe truly does support us – once we love and support ourselves!!

DISEASE – Dis Ease – when we are not at ease with ourself – we become ill. All dis-ease comes to us to help us realise something about ourself. To get our attention so that we wake up and change aspects of our life that are not in line with love and our highest good. Speak your truth, release buried emotions, heal, come from a place of love, do what you enjoy in life and you will be at ease. Choose to grow and develop – take action and do it – then you don’t need to attract in disease or other wake up calls.

DOUBT – Driving Ourselves Unconscious By Thinking – We are all beautiful human beings capable of doing amazing things. However many of us have been told or made to feel that we’re not good enough by other people. Unfortunately many of us now believe that about ourself. We may want to try new things, to change jobs, to start a new hobby or sport, but we feel doubt and fear and we allow this to stop us. The events themselves do not have any power – it is our thoughts about them – what we say to ourself that creates doubt and gives objects or people our power. In healing we learn to take our power back and to stop negative thoughts and self criticism. We learn to overcome doubt and fear and do things anyway. Knowing that we won’t get it perfect the first time, no-one does, and that we will get better at what ever we choose to do the more we do it.

I will share more examples in the upcoming posts…….

Categories
Healing from child abuse Self help techniques

Poetry as a tool for healing

A large part of the healing journey is releasing buried emotions stored within your body. In order to do so you have to first get in touch with them. Many forms of creative expression can help us to do exactly that. Some people journal, some draw, some sing and some write poetry. Find what type of creative expression works for you. The benefits are enormous.

While we are being creative we operate more from the right side of the brain. This side of our brain is linked to our emotions and intuition. Hence, we can access our feelings and intuitive information from within us. It is much harder to do that when we are operating from our left brain which is focused on logic, reason, and analysis.

A lot of people in our society are very strongly left brained. We are taught to focus on the facts in school, to learn the right answer, and be rational and realistic. The message passed down in school is that being playful, creative, imaginative, and artistic is not as valuable to society and that if we want to succeed in life we should focus on learning a profession. But a focus on the facts and logic separates us from our hearts and our spirit. For many people it feels like a deadening, a deep loss. It is time to resurrect the creative, to reconnect to your heart and soul. Let loose and be creative. Your poems or art does not have to be beautiful or perfect. That’s not the point. The point is about feeling within yourself and letting out whatever is inside waiting to be released.

I wrote poetry for a few years prior to my entering therapy. I then switched to art as my main form of creative expression. Here are a few of my poems from the past.

 

The last tree. (By: Jodi-Anne M Smith, c1998)

The last tree, is a tree for us all to see, but how long will it last- as long as it has in the past?
We, humans who believe that all is ours to rape and plunder. Have destroyed the Earth and its no wonder,
Because people believe that they are the best, and they don’t seem to care about all the rest.
We are human, but also animal, and we have no right to ruin life especially on a planet as beautiful as this.
Rivers no longer flow, trees no longer grow. Volcanoes continuously blow, the atmosphere unstable, forever changing as carbon dioxide takes over and oxygen disappears
Because we cut down the trees, that help us to breathe. We cut down the trees, to use as we pleased.
But now we must pay; for the mistakes we have made. Hopefully before it’s too late.
Save the last tree, help it to breathe and then maybe we’ll see, that nature is more beautiful than the goods that are made, from the beautiful trees.
 

Strange Game (By Jodi-Anne M Smith 12/9/1998)

Life can be a strange game.You play to win, to earn and to succeed.But sometimes in winning you lose the lead.
Obtaining the goal can be enthralling.But if all you have is that, then the moment is fleeting
Forever searching, powering on, to find the next run, next glow, next surge – Fake fun
Giving your all to such a quest, is dangerous and destructive, it hurts you at best
It doesn’t really matter how high you climb, If you can’t open your eyes and see, if you can’t enjoy the view and the breeze.
Society tells us that we must succeed, but sometimes I wonder if that is what we really need
 Live life, rest and breathe.
 

Going low in order to grow (By Jodi-Anne M Smith 27/9/1998)

 My life I have simplified, I have removed the sources of stress, the result has been remarkable – I am at ease and at rest.
 I came close to losing my mind, before I paid attention to the warning signs.A dangerous situation where I was afraid and upset.
The people around me who saw me so bad, have now come to realise the pain I suffer and this has made them sad
It seems they have realised that I need them so, and now they are there and are helping me to grow.
 Communication is occurring, Our love we are sharing, and together we are finding strength and happiness.It is a great feeling to know they are there and that they care.
 I am healing and blossoming, growing and coming alive. I am happy and relaxed, I’m living my own life.
 It is unfortunate that in order for this to happen, I felt like I almost died.I was so sad and depressed all I could do was cry.
I thought my life I needed to change completely. But this was not true. I just needed to take it easier and to my heart be true.
 Now that I have done that I feel better than before, I feel capable of doing anything. I can take what ever life has in store.
 But one thing I know, one thing is for sure. I won’t ever again let myself get so low.
In future the warning signs I won’t ignore – I will pay attention when they come to the fore.
 But as always does, good has come from bad, and in some ways I had to get so sad, before I could get glad.
I had to get so low in order to grow. But now that I am there, it is go, go, go.
Together with everyone, my love I show.
Bliss and happiness – together we bloom and we grow!
Categories
Healing from child abuse

Subconscious beliefs: pleasure is not okay.

Today I woke up feeling great peace and joy in my body. I felt like celebrating. I didn’t know what I was celebrating. As the day wore on I felt pleasure, joy at being alive and at feeling so good. After a while I noticed that I felt a little agitated. I couldn’t sit any longer and just BE or read or do pleasurable activities. Part of me was wanting to push, to achieve, to do. Part of me was upset about me feeling pleasure.

When I felt into that agitation and breathed through the resistance I heard a quiet thought that said to me that feeling pleasure was not okay. A scene from my childhood filtered up to consciousness and I felt shame and dirty. I witnessed a time when I was about 5 years old and a the son of friends of my Mother’s would visit and play doctor with me. We would sneak into the spare bed, take off our underwear and touch each other. It was quite innocent, but he told me that I couldn’t tell my Father about it as my Dad would be very angry with me. This was the seed of the subconscious beliefs that ‘pleasure is not okay’.

As I witnessed this scene and felt into the associated memories and emotions I cried. I cried tears of sorrow and anguish over what we had done and the impact it has had on my life. It led to me not allowing myself to feel lasting pleasure. It led me to feel that pleasure was a dirty, shameful thing that should be hidden. It taught me that feeling pleasure will lead to punishment. That it is naughty and something I will get told off for. These formed deep, core beliefs that have affected me ever since.

Thankfully I have learned how to reprogram subconscious beliefs so now when ever such an unhelpful belief pops up I can replace it with a belief that I would prefer using the Psych-K process.

Today as I sat and listened within I heard a number of related issues to be reprogrammed and the list below is the new beliefs that I programmed into my subconscious.

  • smiley-heart-love-Feeling pleasure, peace is okay
  • I am allowed to feel pleasure
  • I deserve to feel pleasure
  • It is safe for me to feel pleasure
  • Positive things come from my feeling pleasure
  • I am accepted when I feel pleasure
  • I accept pleasure into my life
  • I AM PLEASURE

These beliefs now form my core operating programs in relation to pleasure so I should start to notice some subtle and or significant shifts in my behaviour and what I attract / allow into my life. YAY!!!!!!

Written by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, 25/07/13