Rick Warren provides a list of questions to reflect on p292 in his book ‘The purpose driven life’. I asked my higher self to answer them. This is what I channeled (11 Mar 2015).
What has God taught me from failure?
Not to be egoic, that you are not superior to others
That intellectual achievements do not bring happiness
That hiding in your mind is depressing and unfulfilling
That connection with others is what matters most
That you always have enough. God brings work when it is needed. Surrender to his plan, rather than your own. Let go of goals, plans, dreams that are ego based and live from the heart for God and humanity and the Earth.
What has God taught me from a lack of money?
That more always comes
That success is not determined by wealth
To be humble
To feel my pain, not hide in work
To love everyone – not just the successful. Be proud of all, not judgmental, for everyone has their challenges.
What has God taught me from pain, sorrow, depression?
That I can survive and heal
That it is challenging to resolve and takes time
That all people go through it in some way in their lifetime
To smile despite it, to overcome it, to enjoy life
Not to compare with other people’s journeys or judge people’s actions. You don’t know their pain that leads their actions. Forgive those who hurt you, for they only hurt others due to their own pain, defenses, inability to feel and connect from the heart.
To pray for help and fall to my knees asking for God’s help – to let God in, believe he exists, to seek him and believe in his ability to solve all situations
To be patient and accept life happens in God’s timing not mine, that his will matters more than my own.
To love each other no matter what.
What has God taught me through waiting?
Patience – I haven’t learned it fully yet!
To be in the moment and trust God, to live each day as my last and have fun, honor each other and be of service in whatever ways I can be
To know I am given what I need, not necessarily what I want
To look at what I want and question why and what for it is wanted, to let go of the want and trust God to bring what is best for me – flow with what is, accept what is.
Choose peace not frustration. Don’t fight what is. It’s pointless and makes you miserable.
Celebrate with gratitude what you have and what will come. Love it all, the highs and the lows, seeing that it all helps in your evolution and growth. It is all part of God’s plan for you and he knows best. Even though we resist this notion it is the truth. God’s truth. Surrender and BE.
What has God taught me through illness?
How much I love my parents and don’t want to see them suffer
How sad I would be to lose those I love, even though I don’t let them very close or spend time with them
To pray to God for their health to return, to love them and not try to fix them, to offer assistance, but accept their right to refuse it. To let go of judgments of people’s life choices and accept them and their choices. To respect their right to live the way they are.
To accept sometimes people’s pain is so deep they can’t see a way through it or face their demons. Send them love. There but for the grace of God go I. There but for the grace of God go I. We all play out all scenarios in different life times and each goes through it, so be kind and loving to all.
Without challenge we wouldn’t know triumph. Without pain we wouldn’t know joy and freedom. Without cold we wouldn’t know warm or hot. Without pain and loss, we wouldn’t appreciate or value what we have. It all serves a purpose. Great loss, great tragedy helps us stop, pause, reflect on our life and release the emotions buried within. It creates opportunity for significant change, reevaluation of how we live life. It serves a purpose. It brings people together. It gets people talking and reconnecting. It unites us in our grief for a lost one. It serves a purpose.
Accept life’s tragedies as stepping stones to greatness and know it is all perfect in the eyes of God and for your evolutionary growth. Nothing is wasted or inconsequential. It all has meaning. Amen.
What has God taught me through disappointment?
Not to give up. To trust. To persevere. To carry on. To choose joy anyway. To let go of control and surrender to what is. To live in the moment and not try to force my will to manifest, my desires, to surrender to God’s will and accept that.
To let go of the past and pain. To see how it poisons the present and future if you hold onto your baggage.
To see the pointlessness of being disappointed and resentful. Forgive everyone for all they do, so you have peace and happiness. Value peace and happiness above all else. Choose peace in all circumstances. Yes, be passionate about your chosen course, but do so with a peaceful and loving attitude. No fighting against. Just loving, educating, supporting and nurturing change. Joyfully uniting for a cause, to spread love and wisdom.
What have I learned from my family, church, relationship, small group, critics?
To forgive them and accept them
To understand each has their version of the truth and story to tell. Each has a unique journey.
To stop rescuing, judging, trying to fix or change anyone
To love them as they are and let them in. That it is a cold, lonely life when you isolate yourself so much from others as protection
Allow people close, see their light, let people love you.
Most people, if not all, are not trying to hurt you. It is your own projections onto them that lead to fear. Yes, set boundaries where needed and speak your truth about how you want to be treated, but accept people as they are. Don’t lose sleep, your joy over others choices and actions. You can’t control them and they can’t control you. So let go of the fight, the conflict, the pain and choose peace. Work together for good, for harmony, for love.
Life is not black and white. Churches aren’t all good and Christians aren’t all loving. Some are, some aren’t. Same as all of life. Each is at a different level of consciousness and growth. God does live there. Jesus is real and present when called upon, but you don’t have to be in a church building to do so. Gather with like minded souls and celebrate life. Celebrate in whatever form feels right to you. No right or wrong. Just love. Amen.
Ever wonder why things happen the way they do, what it was you were meant to learn from certain experiences. I asked my higher self what it was I was meant to learn from my career experiences. This is what I channeled (04 Jan 2015).
You learned what you valued and cared about. You learned you don’t like sitting in an office all day. You don’t like doing boring repetitive tasks. You learned you like to be part of a team of people committed to what they are doing and making the world a better place. You learned you don’t like organisational politics or egoic competition. You learned that you enjoy success, but success means making a difference, helping to improve people’s lives or the state of the planet.
You learned enjoyment of life, free time is more important than money and possessions. You learned that working all the time led to drudgery and that balance is needed. You learned freedom and choice is important to you and routine is stifling. You learned it is okay to want less, work less and have balance, time for friends and family and self reflection. You learned spiritual pursuits are the most important aspect of life for you and that time in nature soothes your soul.
You learned that politics deadens life at work, that people don’t enjoy their work very much or often and that most people wouldn’t do their current jobs if they had the choice and didn’t need the money. Few work because they love or enjoy it. XXXXX was a role model for you – he loves what he does and does it well. He succeeds and he does play the politics game a little. He was immoral in some ways which you judged but that just showed you that you prefer to be honest no matter what. You love interacting with people in healthy ways and don’t like lies, games, politics, deceit or any form of corruption. You learned ethics is important to you as is people ‘walking their talk’, genuineness and honesty.
Through all the disappointments you learned a lot about yourself and your current work place teaches you further. You learn that yes you like to be of service, to be traveling around throughout the day. You prefer to be taking action rather than theorising or having meetings that don’t achieve anything. You prefer action and get bored when you do not have work to do. It shows you that you still hold fear of conflict, of being told off and you still let yourself be intimidated by others. You are learning to step up and take action despite the fear.
You are learning you don’t need to be perfect and work yourself to exhaustion, that it is okay to relax and enjoy your work, to get to know your colleagues and spend time interacting with them. You are learning to let go of petty annoyances and not judge the choices others make. You are learning to forgive and choose peace, no matter the situation. You are learning to expect things to go well and to be easy – to not psych yourself out about learning new things or feel you can’t do it / overwhelmed by it.
You are learning to see it is all perfect and helping you evolve and grow, to awaken from your gloom and false thinking, to see with clarity the many gifts you have been given. Your career has helped you to understand what you stand for and care about. It has helped you a lot. See this. Appreciate it. Let go of the disappointment and resentments and see the gifts that have resulted. Blessed BE.
I gave a talk at a Unite the Light event in 2013. This was the handout I channeled (5 July 2013).
This earthly plane is one of deep challenges – deep highs and lows so that you can learn and evolve just as Mother Earth and her creatures do. You all do. We all evolve and grow into the perfection of selfless love, peace and joy at connecting with our true self, our God given self – the creator within us.
It is time for humanity to wake up to this gift of life on Earth – its highs and lows – to see the opportunity for soul growth that it presents. It is time to see the blessings with all events, the lessons you are to learn, the peace of forgiveness and letting God lead your life. It is time to flow with what is rather than fight or resist it. It is time to trust and surrender, not cling or hold onto that which you judge dear. Trust that whatever leaves your life leaves for a reason and that something wondrous will enter in time.
Life on Earth is not a bed of roses. How boring that would be! We have a place for that, a place in another dimension where all beings live harmoniously in connection to all that is. Earth is different. Earth is a place of duality and as such you are meant to feel highs and lows, to experience what it means to be happy and sad, to feel love and betrayal, to feel ecstasy and loss. If the dark did not exist you could not know the light. This is the purpose of life on Earth to feel, to learn the opposites, to be in density – physical and emotional, and find your way through. That is what you are doing. That is why you experience what you do.
It is not punishment or bad luck. It is not karma in the sense most think of it as. It is your choice. You chose to come and learn certain lessons or master certain situations. How could you learn how to forgive if no one hurt you? How could you learn peace unless you experienced war or deep fear? These opposites exist to help you and those souls that join with you on Earth are serving you. Helping you to evolve and grow. Those that hurt you are truly serving you. They love you. At the soul level you and they are one. We all are. There is not but I. There is not but God. All is God, Creator, Universe. It matters not what you call it.
God does not judge. He/She only loves. Loves all beings, all creations, all experiences. You have these experiences to learn and grow. You cannot offend God with your actions. You can only harm yourself with your own judgments and painful thinking. God just loves you. God knows that you are experiencing what you need for your evolution. Your needs not necessarily wants. You get what is needed to advance your soul’s growth and development, to become the master you came here to be.
Do not judge each other. Do not think one soul is more advanced than another. All are on the same path, learning the same lessons. Each has their areas of weakness to master and that is why they’re here. No realised being is on Earth in a physical body. All are here to learn and grow. Some who hold the lowliest positions have the most light. Success in not what you think it is. Success is inner peace. Success is inner joy. Success is love, surrender and trusting what comes. Success is the ability to BE and bless all who come your way, to live in harmony on Earth as we do in Heaven.
Heaven is not a place as such but a state of being, a dimensional space that overlaps with the physical plane. It is here. You just can’t see it or feel it till you reach the vibration of it. That is what we’re evolving to. That is what we’re to become – beings of light and love. Those here are way-showers, are leaders of the light, opening to these concepts prior to the masses. You are the ones chosen to blaze the trail for others to follow. Many of you chose very challenging life experiences to master so that you could relate to others from a place of experience and resolution of those challenges. You are brave souls with big hearts who have come to serve humanity. You are here to light the way, to hold strong in the face of adversity and speak to the hearts of all men, of all beings, to reconnect to love and light.
Mother Earth supports you in this journey. Mother Earth is the vehicle for growth. She adjusts and changes as you change. The energies of humans affect her deeply, but she adjusts as needed. Natural disasters are simply the Mother’s way of releasing built up tension and energy blockages. This energy is released in volcanic explosions, tidal waves, earth quakes, hurricanes and fires. These balance the energy back up. Mother Earth does what she needs to do to survive. Yes our actions affect her but she will live on. We may not. If we damage her too much, she may need to expel us in order to survive. It is we who are endangered not her. It is us who hurt ourselves by living unsustainably and being disconnected from our hearts. It is us who will suffer the consequences of our deeds.
This is why it is so important for us to reconnect to our hearts, our intuition, our guidance systems – to hear, see and feel the messages of truth, of what we need to do to be of service to the whole, of what we are here to do. It is for one purpose and one purpose only that we are here – to perform a role that no other can perform. We each have a destined role to play that no one else can do as they haven’t had our past lives or our own unique gifts and wisdom to share. Life leads us towards that. Life reveals it to us when the time is right.
Mine is to channel the messages of my heart, to share my experiences and my discoveries of healing and acceptance of God, life, the way the Universe works. I know I only know a fraction of the truth. My insights are likely flawed for no one on Earth can know all things. But we learn some and can access guidance for others. It is this that I came to share and I thank you for listening this evening. I hope my sharing has given you food for thought about life, our process of growth and the next stages you face on your path. Blessed BE everyone. Thank you for this opportunity. It is with love, humility and gratitude I thank you for shining your light for all to see. Amen.
When emotions are overwhelming it is tempting to get busy, to turn to sugar or other addictions to numb out and escape the feelings. This just keeps the emotions buried inside. The only way to truly escape from them is to feel them and release them so that they are no longer inside, surfacing over and over again in an attempt to get you to embrace them.
There are many ways to feel and release emotions. Below is a range of techniques that you can use for either no or low-cost. Try each and see what works best for you. If you find that you still can’t cope with the intensity of the emotions then reach out for support. A list of free counselling helplines within Australia is included below. If you are not from Australia an internet search or question to your local doctor will hopefully provide you with details of similar services available close to you.
Expressing how you are feeling – Speak your truth, honour your feelings – just do it in a way that is safe. If that means screaming into a cushion or in the car with the windows wound up, do it. If it means crying while curled up on the floor, do it. If it means beating cushions on the lounge while expressing your anger, do it. If it feels safe to do, you may choose to imagine the person who upset you is there with you and tell them the consequences of their actions and its impact on your life. The important part is expressing what you feel. Letting it leave your body rather than locking it up inside you.
Writing out how you are feeling – a journal or diary can be used to write about how you are feeling and why. This honours your emotions and helps you to connect within, to reflect on what you are feeling and the reasons for it. It helps you to gain insight into your experiences and behaviour. It can be very helpful especially if you feel you can’t share what you are going through with anyone else. Some people like to express their feelings in poems or songs, they find that very therapeutic. You can also write letters (which you won’t actually send) to those that hurt you expressing your emotions, the impact on your life and your needs now. Because you don’t actually send the letter you can express the depth of your rage and grief, really letting the person know how you feel. After you’ve written it rip the letter up and burn it, let it and the emotions go.
Drawing how you are feeling – art can be a powerful method for releasing emotions as it is more ‘feeling’ based and less ‘thinking’ based. Pick up crayons, paint or clay – whatever feels right – and use it to express what you’re feeling. Just scribble or draw, allow what needs to be expressed to come out. You don’t need to try and draw something specific, let it evolve out of your emotions. It can be very surprising to see what appears this way. When it’s done the emotion is out of you and on the paper. You can keep your drawings as a record of your healing journey or rip them up and burn them as a symbolism of release.
Moving the energy – emotions are energy in motion (e-motion). You can shift anger and rage by doing vigorous exercise. Go for a walk, run, swim or whatever form of exercise feels right. Do a gym class, punch a punching bag, whatever works for you. As you exercise you release the pent up energy and therefore the emotions.
Embracing the healing power of nature – sitting or walking in nature can be a powerful healer. I find that being in a garden or forest helps me to centre and ground, to balance back up, to feel stronger, more peaceful and able to cope with whatever I’m facing. Standing near or in the ocean, feeling the salt air or the salt water if I’m in it helps cleanse me, freshen me, drain away the negative emotions, leaving me feeling lighter, cleaner and stronger. (Having a bath with a handful of rock salt in it does a similar thing).
Meditation – If you can sit still and meditate then simply observing your emotions and the associated thoughts can allow them to shift and release. They no longer need to fight for your attention so they quieten down as you honour them and accept them – as you acknowledge the reason the emotions arose and what information they are giving you about your life and any actions needing to be taken. Just sit and breathe deeply, witness what occurs within your body. Allow emotions, thoughts, images and memories to surface and release. Our breath is very powerful and can shift even the most intense of emotions if you allow the process to occur – keep breathing and witnessing – and allow the emotions to flow and shift. Trust that they will move and breathe through any resistance.
Flower remedies – There are a wide range of flower remedies such as Bach Flower Remedies and Australian Bush Flower Essences. These are relatively low-cost and help the body to balance emotions and clear blockages. There are remedies to assist when you have experienced shock or trauma (Rescue Remedy or SOS Remedy). There are also remedies specific for individual emotions and issues – such as grief, fear, anger, sadness or for building confidence, self-love and self-esteem. Many health food shops and some chemists stock flower remedies within Australia. They can also be ordered over the internet from wholesale stockists or manufacturers.
Australian Counselling Helplines
Below are the details of some of the free counselling services provided by organisations within Australia. (This information was accurate as of 2010.) Visit their websites to find out what other services they provide or can refer you to. There are often support groups and sometimes workshops you can attend. There are also some Government funded services to support those suffering from depression and mental health issues. Ask your local doctor about what services are available in your local area.
Adults Surviving Child Abuse (ASCA), Phone: 1300-657-380 – provides support, information and referrals throughout Australia to survivors of all forms of child abuse and neglect, male and female, family members, supporters as well as health professionals. Operating hours are 9–5 EDST with answering machine outside these hours and while counsellors are on another call. All calls made after hours will be returned the following day. http://www.asca.org.au/
Kids help line Phone: 1800 55 1800 – Kids Help Line is Australia’s only free, confidential and anonymous, 24-hour telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged between five and 18. http://www.kidshelpline.com.au/
Lifeline Phone: 131 114 – A 24-hour telephone counselling service available for anyone, at any time, and from anywhere in Australia for just the cost of a local call. http://www.lifeline.com.au
Parent help line Phone: 1300 364 100 – The Parent Helpline is a service of the SA Government Department Children, Youth and Women’s Health Service and provides telephone information, counselling and support – 24 hours a day, seven days a week, every day of the year. It is available to parents of children and young people from birth to twenty five years and to people working with children and young people, including teachers and childcare providers. http://www.parenting.sa.gov.au/helpline/. For details of services provided in other states of Australia see: http://www.aifs.gov.au/nch/resources/counselling.html#nat
Paying for supportive healing services
If you have funds to spend then you can of course choose from a wide range of modalities and services to assist you with your healing journey.
If you want to talk about your experiences – then Counsellors, Coaches, Psychiatrists and Psychologists may be of assistance. Each has a different approach, cost and use. Ask questions before deciding on a practitioner to see. What is his or her experience with healing from child abuse? Do they regularly prescribe the use of anti-depressants and medication? How long do they normally see clients for? What are their spiritual beliefs? Find someone who you resonate with, who feels safe to be with and who listens to and honours you. Be prepared that you will probably feel worse before you feel better. As you make insights about your life and the reasons for your behaviours you will uncover the pain that led to your conditioning and repetitive patterns. It is painful facing all of this but it has to be done in order to heal and find inner peace. Take your time, rest when you need to and explore yourself and your past at a rate you can handle. Many abuse survivors, like me, push themselves way too hard in an attempt to heal quickly. Be kind to yourself.
If you want to use non-talk focussed approaches – then a range of methods can be used to support your body to release and heal. Massage is very beneficial; especially for physical and sexual abuse survivors who learn from it that touch can be safe and nurturing. There are many different types of body-work that can be of assistance, including: acupuncture, bowen, myofascial release, reiki and rolfing. Ask friends what they have tried and felt helped. Get referrals to practitioners that people you trust have visited. Do some research on the internet and follow your intuition as to what feels most appropriate for you. Try something and if after a few visits it doesn’t feel helpful, try something else. When you have found something that works for you, stick with it. Allow it to take you deep within. Often people stay at the surface by chopping and changing the modalities that they are using. They fail to go deep within, feel their pain and release it. Instead they just seek pleasure from these body-work approaches. While this feels good it’s not achieving the ultimate need – releasing the emotions buried within the body.
If you are willing to talk a little – then there are a range of practices available that are quick and brief therapies rather than involving years and years of talking. Homeopathy can be very beneficial – you talk just enough that the practitioner can select the right remedy to support you with the major issues you are currently facing. You use that for four to six weeks then return to repeat the process. Thought Field Therapy, PSYCH-K, and the LifeLine Technique can help you to release buried emotions and/or change self-defeating, subconscious beliefs. You don’t have to explain your history or anything about yourself. Just tell the practitioner what the topic is that you want to work on and any beliefs that you want to change. They will then guide you through the process. A different topic is worked on each session.
There are many options and many ways to heal. The above are just a sampling of techniques that I’ve experienced as beneficial in my healing journey. See where you feel guided and follow that path. Trust in yourself and the process. Your journey like everyone else’s will be unique to suit your unique needs and issues.
A lot of us spend a huge amount of time and energy trying to control what happens in our life. We may attempt to control what our partner and children do, what happens at work, how we look at all times, how our friends and family behave, and what other people think of us. Ultimately all of this is wasted time and energy because we can’t control these things. Worrying about them certainly doesn’t help, it just drains us.
All we can control and change is our self – our thoughts, beliefs, behaviours – how we react to people and situations. Once we realise this we can use our time and energy more wisely, focusing on improving our self and doing what we want with our life. This is a big key to freedom and happiness. It’s like the serenity prayer:
God help me to recognise the things I can control and the things I can’t
Things I can change / control
Things I can’t change / control
What I think about myself
What other people think of me
My beliefs, opinions & expectations. How I react to & judge other people
My feelings
Speak honestly about my feelings & what I want. What I do to & for other people
Other people’s feelings
What I swallow today. What I do for exercise today
My weight today
Make amends for past actions. What I will do now & in the future
What I did in the past
The pain I feel from the past. What I say to people
What others did in the past
My level of independence. My ability to cope with what others do.How I behave.
What other people do now & in future
The people I spend my time with
Who my family members are
What I do to earn money
Time wasted in a job I don’t like
My activity & stress levels now & in the future. My diet
Being sick today
The present & what I do that may assist in a positive future
The future
Accept myself & take action to accomplish what I want
What other people accomplish
My level of gratitude for what I do have. How much I enjoy my life as it is.
What other people have or do that I can’t do
My attitude towards aging. Staying young at heart, fit & healthy
Getting older
Make the most of every day. My beliefs about what death means
Dying
More detailed explanations of some of the above:
Your feelings – When a feeling has been triggered such as anger or grief, you have that feeling – you can’t wish or ignore it away. It’s there. You need to work through those feelings, allow yourself to feel them and release them in a healthy way. Once the feeling has passed you can then train yourself not to react that same way in the future, you can change your beliefs and thinking so that you don’t get angry or hurt by what someone else does or says.
Your partner’s behaviour – When your partner does something that you don’t like, you can try to ignore it and say nothing. You can waste energy wishing they wouldn’t do whatever it was that upset you. You can waste energy trying to control them by telling them off and telling them what you think they should do. Or you can try to manipulate them so that they feel guilty or ashamed to behave the way they did. Ultimately all of these techniques will not work and will only cause larger problems. You can’t control anyone else’s behaviour, so you’re wasting your time. You’re better of to stop, look and listen to yourself. What has upset or annoyed you? Why? What do you assume your partner’s behaviour means? What has it triggered in you from the past? Is your judgment about the way it should be done reasonable? Learn from it. Then honestly discuss your feelings and your response to what they did with them. That way you can both learn about each other and resolve the issue.
Expectations – Let go of conditional thinking – if I do ……….. then ………….. will happen. Life is not that simple and having expectations just sets yourself up for disappointment. Let it go and flow with life.
Prepared by: Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, 2006, Letting go of control and worry, adapted from: Hendricks G & Johncock P, 2005, The book of life – the master key to inner peace and relationship harmony, The Transformational Book Circle, Ojal, California.
This post contains information I prepared as a course handout on addiction several years ago. I share it in the hope that it assists someone to gain clarity and insight into how best to help themselves or a loved one suffering from addiction. Love, Jodi-Anne.
Addiction types and why used
There are many types of addictions. They vary greatly from substances relied on to help us get through the day (coffee, tea, sugar, fat) to those stronger drugs used to escape our feelings and reality (alcohol, smoking, cannabis, LSD, coacaine, heroin, etc). There are also addictions that are action based (work-a-holism, shopping, gambling, lying, stealing, sexual addiction). There are many types of addiction. Some society condones – study, working, shopping. Some society fears and shames those involved – illicit drugs and alcoholism.
All of these addictions are used as a way to cope, to attempt to feel better, to enjoy life, however the high is only temporary, requiring the addict to use again / to repeat the activity over again. Sometimes at higher doses or risk. Until ultimately there is a crash – a near death experience – over dose, car crash, blood poisoning; a terrifying experience – waking up in an unknown place or with an injury or person you don’t remember connecting with. It may be a loss of a job, home or family when they can take it no more. Some tragedy has to happen for the addict who is truly afflicted and caught in the co-dependent cycle to wake up and want to change. Without that crash the addict may not be ready to make the effort to heal. No-one will be able to force them to. Healing is an inner process that must unfold at a rate the addict can handle. It must be done in a supportive environment where the addict feels safe, accepted and encouraged. Any guilt, shame, pressure or judgement will just drive them further into addiction.
An addict may seem to improve temporarily but if you watch closely you may notice that they have simply swapped one source of addiction for another – changed substances or fixes. To really heal you have to go within, deal with the source of the unrest, of the need to medicate, numb out, find a high. You need to heal the pain, release the shame, guilt, feelings of loss, abandonment, not being good enough, not being loved and accepted as you were by your parents and any others through your life that have caused you trauma or a low sense of self-esteem and self-acceptance. You have to learn to love and honour yourself and treat yourself well – to become your own happy, loving parent.
Addiction sources and healing process
Some addicts do come from what appear to be happy homes, but somehow they developed an angst that needed to be filled by an addiction of some sort. Perhaps they felt stifled as a child, given too much attention, felt a need to achieve or be perfect. They may have felt trapped in a box of expectations and felt they couldn’t live up to it, so they gave up.
They may indeed have had a happy home (this is extremely rare due to the way the conditioning process works – the psychology of child development and the most common child rearing practices and disciplines). But let’s say they did have a happy home. They were totally loved, accepted, held regularly, fed when they were hungry, comforted, had all their needs met. They weren’t yelled at, disciplined through harshness but through kindness. They escaped unharmed from their early years. Then they went to school! For many people school is a nightmare – from bullying, to challenges with subject material that they can’t grasp or feeling they don’t fit in, or can’t do what others can – sport, academic, dance – whatever it may be. Some very rare individuals may escape school unscathed. Then comes relationships and work where further potential loss, hurt, betrayal, feeling not good enough, rejected, etc can come.
Somewhere along the line life provided a knockout blow that the person couldn’t cope with and they turned to an addiction to cope, to numb the pain, to feel free of their inner pain. They may be able to cope when the specific events occurred but they are cumulative all adding together until one day the foundation crumbles and addiction commences.
Even those who start young experimenting with drugs and alcohol do so because they are unhappy in some way. This is not to say their parents did anything wrong. They probably did the best they could. But their child has grown vulnerable to addiction due to some experience. The way society operates today encourages this. We are all so busy rushing around that we don’t get to love and cherish our children as we should. Working parents, divorces, step-parent issues, poverty, stress, use of TV and computer games as ways to escape and entertain children. All diminish the quality time connecting – talking, sharing, encouraging / accepting, honouring, loving each other, sitting quietly together or in nature playing non-competitive games or art or dance or many other ways that we can interact in positive relationship building and affirming ways that let our children know they are loved, accepted, okay. They are safe. The world is a good place that will provide their needs. They can follow their hearts and achieve their dreams. Few children get such a positive foundation to life, a foundation of self-acceptance and self-esteem to live from.
Most get fear and self-judgement, a need to impress or achieve or hide to keep safe. These are the underlying sources of addiction and it is these issues that need to be healed so the addict stops self-medicating or moving from one form of addiction to another. When they heal they find inner peace, love and eventually even joy and happiness. It can be done. It takes a lot of effort and willingness to face your past, feel and release the emotions buried within, face the fears and risk showing who you really are, risking rejection and ridicule to follow your heart, speak your truth, even if it is very different to other people. You become your authentic self, the person you were born to be, that has been hiding behind addiction and a raft of defense mechanisms acting as a protective mask. Keeping the vulnerable true self hidden away safely inside.
Addiction is very challenging to overcome as using is so quick and easy compared to the healing work. This is why for most people it takes some kind of disaster – trauma and crisis – to get them ready to make the effort, to face their demons and break free. Without that it is just too easy to keep escaping. But when you’ve truly lost something you love, then that shock, that pain may be enough to tip the scales. That is why you should not ‘enable’ an addict. Don’t clean up after them, bail them out, lie or make excuses for them. Don’t try to protect them by rescuing. They need to face the consequences of their actions if they are to heal and take responsibility. Yes, it is hard to watch them suffer but if they create the mess they need to deal with it. You can simply be there to support them emotionally as they pick themselves back up, offering love, forgiveness, acceptance – this is what they need.
Rescuing and the drama triangle
Some ‘do-gooders’ think they are helping but they actually have their own form of addiction called ‘rescuing’. They get to escape the dissatisfaction they have in their own life – be that with themselves, their relationships, their job, their family, etc – by focussing on whoever they are rescuing. They feel good about themselves, righteous even, and this is their fix. But their love and support is not real, it is conditional. They will be there for the addict for a length of time, appearing so saintly and wonderful, but eventually when they get frustrated enough, they will snap, moving from ‘rescuer’ to ‘persecutor’ telling the addict off, judging them as a hopeless case. The rescuer didn’t get what they wanted – to feel like they saved the addict and the addict owed them, was grateful to them. That doesn’t happen so they move into the persecution role, which does not help the addict at all.
The other role that gets played is that of ‘victim’. When the rescuer knows the addict is lying to them, using, stealing or in some other way being irresponsible the rescuer may accept this for a while, until they again move into the persecutor role. Upon which the addict becomes victim to their tyranny of judgement and imposed shame, blame and guilt.
This is the drama triangle and each person moves through the roles of victim, persecutor, rescuer until someone steps into the centre of the triangle, speaks the truth and stops the game. This triangle happens all the time in life – at work, in families, with friends. It is a pattern that repeats until people become aware of it and no longer allow the game to proceed. Choosing instead to feel, to heal, to speak your truth. This is one of the first steps in healing.
So the seeds of addiction are planted from a very young age, especially if there is a family history of addiction that is repeated generation after generation. This may partly be a genetic predisposition, but it is also simply learnt behaviour. If you grow up in an active addiction filled home – you learn that is the way life is lived. You simply see that as normal as you know no other way. This is how it repeats. Also you will tend to subconsciously play out the pattern attempting to heal the issues with your parents. So many ‘Adult Children of Alcoholics’ marry an alcoholic. They either become an alcoholic themselves or they marry one or work with one. They attract it into their lives so they face their pain and heal.
Again this happens naturally enough – if they were raised in an alcoholic home that is what feels normal to them, so they accept partners behaving that way too. They may believe deep inside that they don’t deserve better, that this is how relationships are. Their beliefs affect their actions and their experiences in life. It is these beliefs that need to be changed to break the pattern and cycle of addiction and pain. Getting to the point where you do believe that you are okay, lovable, acceptable, that you deserve to be treated well, that you are a good person, and that good things can happen to you. These and many other positive subconscious (deep) beliefs form the foundation of health and recovery. “I cope easily with my life”. “I love and accept all that occurs”. “I forgive those that hurt me and let go of the past”. “I live in the now and focus day by day”. “I’m doing okay”. “I’m proud of how far I’ve come”. “I know I will make it”.
The use of affirmations can be very powerful. This can be done for free wherever you are. Have them written up where you will see them and read them regularly. Say them out loud. Write them and notice what negative comments occur within you. Repeat this – writing the affirmation and then listening for the internal reaction, writing that, then the affirmation again. Do it about 20 times in a sitting. This will give you insight into what your resistance to healing is, to what negative beliefs you have that need changing. This is a powerful process to do. You can use affirmations many times throughout the day when you feel yourself tempted to use your addictive substance or behaviour.
You can also use ‘Thought Field Therapy (TFT)’ or ‘Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT)’ – energetic tapping processes that helps to relieve the build-up of energy encouraging you to use. With TFT there is a sequence to use for addictive urge. There are also tapping sequences for releasing the underlying emotions and problems leading to the urge. This helps to release the pent up energy and emotion. It is similar to acupuncture but without needles, just tapping on the meridian points. There are many different treatments that can be used. Some cost, some don’t.
Affirmations is a good place to start as it is free and it works. At first you may feel stupid saying to yourself “I love and accept myself” over and over. You know you don’t believe it. But repeating it regularly plants the seed in your subconscious and it slowly sprouts and grows, till one day you find you do actually believe it. The strength of affirmations is increased if you say them while looking at yourself in the mirror. You stare into your own eyes while saying “I love and accept myself” or “I choose health and happiness now” or whatever affirmation you use.
The process can be sped up by using techniques like ‘Psych-K’ or ‘The Lifeline Technique’ which reprogram the desired belief into your subconscious mind. It literally replaces the old one so that your dominant, underlying thought is the new one. These techniques are part of the new energy psychology tools that have evolved from split brain research. They help to get both sides of the brain communicating which makes subconscious belief change possible – quickly and easily.
There are many different ways to health, for some they will start with swapping from a less desirable addiction to one less dangerous – so the heroin user may become a sugar junkie or a gym junkie and push themself that way. Notice that word ‘pushing’ – that is a key challenge. Most people do not spend enough time ‘being’ – time spent being still, meditating, listening to their thoughts and feelings, dealing with whatever arises within them in the silence. It can feel uncomfortable, unnatural, a waste of time at first, but this is all just resistance to actually being with yourself and feeling everything that you feel inside. Persevere with it and you will find relief.
Whether you choose to meditate, sit in nature, use guided visualisation CDs, or do exercise then rest. Whatever method you use to help your body relax, de-stress and find peace is an important part of the healing process. Some embrace reiki, energetic healing, chakra balancing, massage or other body-work, which helps soothe your body and release the buried emotions and trauma from your cells. It all takes times and you move forward step by step, day by day, removing layer by layer the buried emotions, trauma and debris accumulated within your body. Be kind to yourself.
Surround yourself with others committed to healing so that you can encourage and support each other. This is why 12 step groups work. They provide a safe, accepting environment and community to be a part of. Clearly hanging out with active Addicts is not going to be helpful, so sometimes you do need to change friendship circles, disassociate from family members or others who encourage addictive behaviour. This can be very saddening and challenging, especially as some people will try to make you feel bad for doing so. They don’t want to face their own stuff and you choosing to do so reminds them that they should. Rather than feel that, they may choose to lash out at you. Don’t fall for the ploy. Be strong. Be loving and kind to yourself as much as you can. It is your life and you can choose to live it however you wish.
Remember there is a lot of support out there – from 12 step groups, counsellors and other therapists, to call lines and much more. If you truly want to heal and break free you can. Here are some good places to start if you want to find out more.
This is a 29-minute video clip of Russell Brand testifying at a Government Committee about reform to the way that addiction issues are regulated and handled. He openly shares his story of overcoming addiction and his belief that most addicts are people suffering from emotional, mental and spiritual maladies. If they heal these issues they no longer need the drug to mask their feelings and internal pain. Russell argues for a more compassionate and loving approach by Government, seeing addiction as a health issue and people needing support to heal, rather than being viewed as criminals or burdens to society. It is wonderful to see his authenticity and truth sharing – he urges more people to do the same so that we can have a real discussion about these issues and how to resolve them.
In this dictionary you will find a range of words commonly used in our every day language along with some interesting ‘spiritual / personal development’ interpretations of their meaning. I’ve gathered these from a range of books including the Conversations with God collection by Neale Donald Walsch, God I am by Peter Erbe and people such as Hermann Muller who teaches Psychosomatic Therapy. The explanations are my own interpretations and may not necessarily be exactly what the authors intended. It is fascinating to see how powerful our language is!!
LYING – When you lie, you don’t speak or live your truth, you don’t let your inner light shine. Hence the light of your being and your truth ‘lies (lays) down’ on the ground and you can get walked over. Lying leads to fear of being caught out, fear of talking to other people too much in case you slip up and contradict yourself. It leads to a lot of energy being used up in trying to remember everything you lied about to all the different people you lied to. It’s exhausting! Hence you become vulnerable and more fearful. You can become depressed. It feels like you’re pushed down with a heavy load to carry. Drop the load, tell the truth and you will lift yourself up – let your light and truth shine.
PASSED AWAY– Is a term we use when someone has died. Likewise if you are constantly thinking about the past and living life negatively affected by what has already happened to you then your body passes away. Your body is constantly caught up in those negative feelings and is unable to experience the present unhindered. When we live life this way our bodies age more rapidly. Science has confirmed this – anger and upset feelings lead to more acidity in the body which damages the cells. We also know this intuitively which is why we call wrinkles worry lines. Let go of the past, heal and enjoy life. Learn to love yourself, life and others. When you live in the now your body doesn’t age so much. You can even appear to look younger.
RELEASE– when you release buried emotions and tension you feel ‘real ease’ within yourself.
RESPONSIBILITY– RESPONDING with ABILITY – we all have the responsibility for how we choose to live our life. Every day we make lots of decisions and we can choose actions that lead to growth and healing or not. It is up to us. When someone pushes your buttons don’t react automatically. Stop and ‘respond with ability’ – make a choice you will be proud of.
SATAN– Seeing Anything As Negative – the universe is abundant and will support us if we just accept its love and assistance. Many of us don’t. We think it’s a ‘dog eat dog’ world. We have to work hard to survive. These are all just choices and beliefs. All just thoughts that we can change at any time we choose too.
SEX– Synergistic Energy Exchange – sex allows two people to be truly intimate. To connect in a very deep level of intimacy – ‘in to me you see’. It enables the energies of the two people to interact and exchange. It is a beautiful life creating gift.
UNIFORMED– when all people act the same, conforming to society’s standards then everything is uniform. We lose the diversity of life. This is ‘un-informed’. Reality is very diverse. we are all individuals. Conforming is a ‘con’, it is a ‘form’ of denial of yourself.
That’s it for the dictionary……. hope you enjoyed it!
In this dictionary you will find a range of words commonly used in our every day language along with some interesting ‘spiritual / personal development’ interpretations of their meaning. I’ve gathered these from a range of books including the Conversations with God collection by Neale Donald Walsch, God I am by Peter Erbe and people such as Hermann Muller who teaches Psychosomatic Therapy. The explanations are my own interpretations and may not necessarily be exactly what the authors intended. It is fascinating to see how powerful our language is!!
EGO – the ego directs where your Energy Goes – E-Go. Many people think the ego is bad and needs to be gotten rid off. This is impossible. It is a part of us and it is okay. The ego can be balanced and not misused. Your ego can be just as powerful doing good, helpful things for you as it can be for doing negative things when you’re not consciously aware of what you are doing.
FATE– From All Thoughts Everywhere – Our thoughts create our reality and what we experience. We are all made up of atoms of energy vibrating at a certain frequency. Our thoughts reflect our frequency of vibration and radiate out drawing in to us people, places, things and events that match our vibratory level. As you heal and ‘lighten up’ your vibratory level also lightens and therefore you attract in lighter, more harmonious events, people, places and things into your life. You create your own reality through your thoughts.
FEAR– False Emotion Appearing Real – fear is just the result of negative thinking. Fear helps us to avoid change and healing. Whatever you resist persists! So the longer you avoid facing your fears the longer they will remain. And they will get stronger because over time you will feel weaker, more incapable and more negative about yourself since you are still afraid. Fear, like illness, is designed to show you that something in your life is not aligned with love and your highest good. Fear enters your life to help you heal. If you face your fears, learn that there is nothing to be afraid of and move forward you will become fearless – more loving and trusting of your own ability to handle life and more trusting of life itself. You will learn to come from love – which is the opposite of fear.
GOD– Getting Over Denial – Many of the personal development and spirituality authors believe that we are all a part of god or if they don’t go so far as to say that they say we are all capable of becoming like god. In essence what they are saying is that we all have the potential to do whatever we want in our lives. We can all choose to be good, loving people helping ourselves and others. We can all have success, happiness, love, peace and harmony. However, we have to create it. There is no god out there directing our lives. We are the director. We are the one in control. We have total free will in this universe – we can do what we want. It is up to us.
HOLY SPIRIT– the ‘whole I spirit’. When you heal and embrace all parts of yourself you become whole. We all have the potential to behave in all ways. Many of us try to separate from or disown the parts of us that we judge as negative. For example we may try to push away or bury the parts of us that are judgmental, jealous, angry, sarcastic, or nasty. Yet those emotions and forms of behaviour are a part of being human. Each emotion is trying to tell us something, to make us aware that there is something about our experience in life that we don’t like, that isn’t in line with our highest good. We can learn from this. As we do so we learn to embrace all the parts of ourself as we heal and become whole. We let go of fear and can come from love in all things that we do. We become able to acknowledge that we are ‘wholly spirit’.
IDENTITY– is the ID also known as the personality covering the ENTITY or soul during its experience of being human. We are not our bodies or our mind. We are larger than that. We may think we are our bodies or our minds and judge ourself based on those, but they are not our true self. Many people believe in reincarnation, where the soul enters a body each lifetime so that it can experience physicality and all the challenges of being on Earth. This occurs so that we can learn all there is about life – to go through a wide range of experiences learning to let go of fear, to love ourself and others, to realise that we are all connected and the universe supports us in our efforts. To some this may seem like absolute rubbish – that’s fine. To others it will ring true. That’s fine too.
INCURABLE– Curable from withIN – Doctors often suggest that some diseases are not treatable by medicine – that they are incurable. People labelled with incurable diseases often feel that there is nothing that can be done. That they are doomed to die from the disease which has been classed as terminal. The findings of quantum physics experiments, spirituality and healing modalities would suggest otherwise. Many people have cured themselves of terminal cancer and other diseases. They do so by working within themselves – to heal all their hurts, painful emotions and experiences from the past. The memories of these past events is stored in the cells of your body and if you don’t release the emotion or face how you really feel then it can lead to dis-ease – your body is not at ease and it is trying to get your attention. For a great example of someone who has cured themselves of cancer read Brandon Bay’s book ‘The Journey’.
INNOCENCE– My INNER SENSE – following your intuition and letting what is inside of you out without modification results in being at peace with yourself and the world. It is very powerful. However, it can be challenging to do as the majority of people in society follow conditioned patterns of behaviour and unwritten rules. To stand outside of these and honour yourself can often be a lonely place to start with. As you progress you will meet like minded souls.
INTIMACY– IN TO ME SEE – seeing myself more clearly and allowing others to see my true self. We often hide who we are out of fear of being rejected by others. We may think that if people truly knew who we were deep down inside they wouldn’t like us. This is really sad. As a result of these fears we interact on a very shallow, surface level talking about the weather, jobs and other ‘safe’ items. We don’t discuss deep and meaningful issues, our fears, our hopes, dreams and aspirations. We don’t get to know the true essence of each other. This can lead us to feel alone even when we are with other people. True intimacy requires taking the risk of letting people really get to know you. Showing them who you really are. When you do this it can be scary to start with, but ultimately it is extremely rewarding as you really feel known, honoured, heard and loved by those you interact with. As you learn to love and accept yourself you will radiate this energy out which enables others to love and accept you more. The outer world reflects your inner world!!
Rick Warren provides a list of questions to reflect on p292 in his book ‘The purpose driven life’. I asked my higher self to answer them. This is what I channeled (11 Mar 2015).
