How to let what needs to happen, happen

Often you humans second guess yourself, your instincts tell you what needs to occur, but you don’t listen. You question, you doubt, you rationalise and think it through and usually you choose not to do what your gut tells you, you should do.

Your intuition is your body’s messaging telling you what is most in line with your highest good. Whether it be a message from the heart advising the path that will lead to most joy, or a fearful warning advising a path to avoid. If you listen the truth is there for you to hear. It is only when the mind is too busy or the body too fearful or exhausted that you can’t hear the messages which are subtle and vibrational.

deep-breath1Calm your body, breathe deeply and ask for a sign, sit in stilness and meditate or sit in nature and feel your nervous system calm and self regulate, then you can hear a message, sense how you really feel or play out the options and see how your body feels in each imagined scene. Your body will tell you which path suits you best. It is often said and always true, the answers are within, you just have to quieten the mind and listen.

Often it is tempting to keep busy doing, doing, doing, then you don’t have to face the facts that you are not satisfied with some element of your life. You don’t have to admit to yourself that something isn’t working, but that gnawing, nagging, empty feeling will build until you do listen and you do pay attention.

You may know the truth, but refuse to act. It is too scary to leave that job or partner or to take the risk to follow your heart and passion. Life does not have guaranteed outcomes, other than death and growth. All changes lead to growth. The road may not be smooth and straight. It may be narrow and bumpy, and you may almost fall off a cliff, but the beauty you will see, he expansion that will result is worth the risk.

If something is meant to happen, it will. You may try to control it, prevent it, stop it from happening, but it will happen at precisely the time it was meant to occur. All your actions will do is cause you pain and suffering. You could instead choose to flow peacefully with what life shows you is going to happen. Let jobs, people, homes, situations come and go, without grasping or holding on – just trust and flow. It is not easy or natural to most of us, it needs to be learned, to surrender to the divine and the mysteries of life.

What needs to happen will, so don’t worry about making the right decision so much. You can’t get it wrong. What needs to occur will, so take the pressure off and out of the decision making and choose more peacefully. Choose what will bring you joy. Trust the Universe to look after you and provide what is needed for your highest good.

door chakraIf you attempt to walk through a particular door and it is closed, it doesn’t mean it was a wrong choice, it just may not be time yet. Instead of pushing, surrender and wait. Wait for the signs and synchronicities to signify the time is right. Life will lead you where you need to go. Yes prepare, yes be ready, but wait / pause / breathe until the doors open and its easy for you to stroll through. No need to struggle, push, force. That is the old way, the way of competition, exhaustion, of winners and losers. The new way is the way of the heart, the way of love, compassion and service, the way of joy, the way of benefitting the whole, not just yourself.

You succeed most when you are passionately aligned with your heart’s purpose and guidance, which will lead you forth with ease and grace. Breathe through any fear and allow what needs to happen, to happen. Let it occur, like rocks being washed along a flowing river, just glide, just rise and fall with the tide. No need to fight for air or to be in one particular place. Trust life to guide you forth with ease and grace. So be it. Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (01 May 2016).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

What is God-realisation?

God-realisation occurs when a person realises that there is a larger purpose to life and an orchestration of events to help you grow and evolve into a loving being of light, being of service while living on Earth.

God-realisation is simply honouring that larger process of evolution that is occurring for all beings and choosing to align with it, not fight against it.

God-realisation occurs when you consciously look for signs and synchronicities to guide you forth, trusting the Universe and your higher self to provide you with what you need for your highest and best growth.

God-realisation occurs when you see this dance of creation and realise that you are just a small piece of the puzzle, being guided by larger forces which are loving and benevolent. In awe of the process you awaken to God, to love, to spirit, to the unseen dimensions, which include the realm often thought of as Heaven.

amazing-nature-sunrise-hd-wallpaperHeaven is simply a realm where there is no resistance to life, all live in harmony energetically and physically. It is a realm in which beings / souls are transparent and can see each other’s thoughts and essence. Hence lying and manipulation are not possible. People live in peace, connected to and vibrating at the rate of Source energy. It is therefore blissful, heavenly, beautiful and beauty filled.

It exists as a space to visit and return from if you have a Near Death Experience. It exists as a place we go to between incarnations. It is one place, one dimension or realm of many. It is not a place that is distinct from other aspects of life. It is all interconnected and we touch it when our heart melts looking at a new born baby or when in nature and standing in awe and stillness at the beauty of Mother Earth. It is a pure, loving vibration that we can tap into and become most of the time. We can live from that pure, loving space if we heal our emotions and vibration, so that it elevates to Christ-consciousness or God-realisation. Christ was an example of someone who obtained the God-realised state while on Earth. He is a guide for us to do the same.

It is not about Heaven or Hell as places to fear or to worry about. You will be accepted in Heaven, as it is not a place of judgement or exclusion. It is not a place of isolation or welcoming. All are welcomed. All are loved. It is only we humans who judge and exclude.

A Source-realised person knows they are love, they are worthy and they are of God. We are all created from Source energy. It is all there is, so we are pure and innocent. We are capable of kindness and loving our neighbour as we love ourself.

Most of us have just forgotten to truly love ourself, let alone anyone else. We have forgotten that we are children of God, aspects of Source energy visiting Earth for a chance to evolve and once completed we rejoin the whole. We are that. It is all one. All aspects of the Great Creator, the Source of all things, commonly known as God.

There is majesty in the Universe and its orchestration of events to assist each person to evolve and grow, to heal their hurts and return to wholeness, to awaken to God-consciousness and God-realisation. It is happening all the time, it is a process that takes a lifetime – in the sense of discovering it, experiencing it, and then becoming it.

At first you may be able to tap into the energy of Source/God when in meditation or prayer or nature. You may glimpse it. You may have an altered experience, a heightened moment of clarity and sensitivity. Then you may lose it, feel like you can’t access it again, until you raise your vibration further, then you see it more often. As you keep clearing out dense energy, emotions, baggage, you raise your vibration to the  point that the mysterious can become an every day experience.

You can be tapped in, tuned in, receiving messages from your higher self and Guides who are there assisting you behind the scenes. It is always there, just you can’t see, hear, feel them or their help until your vibration raises to a certain level. Help is always there, in the form of an Angel or Guide, a friendly entity of light or good spirit who is helping society to evolve. There are many beings of light assisting humanity’s evolution.

There is great love throughout the Universe for those courageous souls who come to Earth in its dense energy to live out a lifetime of pain and awakening to enable their evolution to expand, to further their growth in Self and God-realisation. That is what is occurring over and over again with each soul who is here and they grow a little more each lifetime they live. It is a slow process in human terms, but a fast one from an evolutionary perspective. It is all purposeful, all happening perfectly from that bigger perspective.

We are simply a piece of the puzzle, each piece needed, each piece unique with its own gifts and state of awareness. No need to compare yourself to others for you are unique. Your combination of past lives and experiences from this life is unique. You are here to learn and grow in a way that is unique to you. You serve the whole by being YOU. Don’t try to be something you are not. You have evolved to a certain point and that is okay. Where you are at is okay. There is no better or worse, no higher or lower. A greatly advanced soul may choose a particularly harsh life experience to test their mastery of the concepts. They may appear to our human eye as someone who is struggling with life, who is down and out, so to speak, but that is just a phase of their awakening, their remembrance of truth.

When they remember and heal their hurts, they will shine their light so brightly. They just have to see through the fog to the light of day, then they step into their magnificence. So don’t judge someone by where they stand today. Accept and love all beings and focus on seeing their best attributes, see them doing well, being happy and realising their truth. We all will in time. It is just a step along the journey to Self-realisation and God-realisation. Blessed BE, Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (01 April 2016).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

How to get out of your own way?

Many of you block your own progress with worry and fear. There is no need to worry, life will take you where you need to go for your highest evolution and growth. Worry does not slow the process down, it just makes it more painful. You do not have choice or the power to change your fate. You only have the power to change the level of ease and grace through which you experience what occurs.

What is to occur is set prior to your incarnation. So stop trying to control it or trying so hard to get somewhere, something. You can not achieve more than you are meant to. You can not evolve any  faster than is destined. Your influence is miniscule in the BIG picture of life.

Yes, you do have choice to feel that emotion surfacing or push it down. But if you push it down it will just come up again another day. If it needs to be flet it will keep surfacing until you feel it. You have no choice in the matter, it must be felt. You must evolve. You cannot fail or slow it down. What will be, will be. Life will bring you the people, events, situations and experiences necessary to move you along your path, so relax and enjoy the ride. hot air balloonKnow there will be easy times and challenging times. Don’t fight against the challenges. Don’t live in fear of what may occur. Just ride the waves with gratitude, knowing that this too shall pass. The sun will come out from behind the clouds, storms are only temporary. Spring will always be sprung! So, enjoy life more, have more fun. Let go of being on guard, of being so careful and serious.

You can’t get it wrong. You can’t prevent what needs to occur and conversely your lack of scanning for danger will not stop danger or attract more of it. What is meant to be, will be. You are safe. You are loved and cared for by the Divine. Any ‘negative’ experiences are part of what was needed for your growth. In time you will see that. In time you may see the growth and see the gift that the event gave you. At the time of a ‘disaster’ it won’t seem like a gift, but it is. That job loss, relationship end, accident or health crisis led you to a new direction, a new phase of your life, which led to clearing and raising your vibration. It all happens to lead you forth. No mistakes. Nothing haphazard. Nothing by chance. So relax – you’ve got this!! Your higher self has it all under control, so glide through life with ease and grace, see it as a skate in the park, a picnic with the ducks, a walk through the forest, an adventure of a lifetime. For that is what life is, a grand adventure, one that can be filled with ease and grace if you get out of your own way and accept what comes.

Accept what comes, accept what goes, trust it is all occurring for your highest good. See the lessons, learn the code, read the clues, do better the next time – react differently, have firmer boundaries, be more kind and loving – whatever it is. Life is just giving you opportunities to practice, until you master being a being of love and light, walking with grace on Earth, inspiring others to open their hearts and let their lights shine. That is what life on Earth is about. It can be fun or drudgery based on how you think and react to what occurs. Only you can make the decision to glide gracefully through all that occurs. Do so and life is much more fun.

But please don’t beat yourself up if you do worry, if you fall into fear, anger, harshness and cruelty. These are only defense patterns surfacing to be released, to be loved and accepted. They just show you that part of you is still hurting, still sad or afraid and in need of love. Love those parts of yourself and welcome them back into your heart. Welcome them home to be cared for, to play and be at ease again. As you do so you become more whole and integrated, then the defense patterns disappear. They dissolve as they are no longer needed. So when you act in less than loving ways, accept it, take responsibility for what you have done, apologise to those affected if needed and then do your inner work so it will happen less and less. Noone is perfect. Noone can be loving all the time. You are human after all. You are here to learn and grow and you are doing wonderfully. The fact that you are reading this shows your heart is opening up, your light is shining and you are embracing your magnificence. For you are magnificent. We all are. We just don’t see it clearly until we have released our past hurts and opened up to see life as it is – a glorious opportunity to evolve and grow through all sorts of experiences while here on Earth.

Enjoy each day knowing you will get where you need to go. No need for worry, fear or controlling life. Relax. Breathe. Enjoy. Choose peace and harmony with all you do. Blessed BE. Your life is very good and it is going to keep getting better and better as you open your heart more and more and shine your light more fully. You are beautiful beings of light just waiting for the chance to ee more clearly the beauty of who you are and of what life brings you. It is all good. It all serves a purpose and it is all helping you to awaken, to learn to support yourself and to choose peace and harmony with all you do. You will get there, at the right time and place. No race, no pushing, no controlling needed. Relax and flow through all that life brings you with ease and grace. So be it. Amen.

lightWe watch you and smile as you progress. We see your greatness and we know you will too. We celebrate as you realise you are enough, you are acceptable, worthy of love, health and abundance. You are worthy of all good things. As you accept and embrace this we can bring you the things you have always wanted. We can help you have Heaven on Earth. You can have it. You just have to get out of your own way and allow it. Blessed BE. Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (26 March 2016).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

What is impatience?

Impatience is not accepting God’s plan for your life and assuming that you know better what should occur in it.

Impatience is arrogance, wondering why you don’t have all that you want and getting angry or frustrated as you feel you have missed out. But you haven’t missed out on anything. You have experienced exactly what you needed to experience in this life time, for the greatest evolution of your soul. Trust in this. If you do trust God / the Universe to bring you exactly what you need then you can relax and flow. You can be peaceful and content. You can be happy right now in whatever circumstances you are in.

Impatience is an unwillingness to accept what is or to accept divine timing. What you want may or may not eventuate, it depends on what will lead to the most growth for you as a soul. Sometimes painful experiences are needed to help us separate from our ego mind and being totally focussed on ego goals e.g. career, success, wealth, advancement.

God works in humble ways and through humble means. There is no fanfare when flowers blossom, even though it is a miraculous achievement, one worthy of singing and exalting. Likewise when a limb falls off of a tree there is no mourning, no solemn exchange or grief. Nature just flows and accepts what is.

tree and flowerNature shows us the transitions in life, the process of birth, growth, decay, rotting and death. It shows us what we all must go through. What we all must learn from. We cannot avoid these stages completely. We can certainly go through them with ease and grace, but it is hard for most to accept the loss of their vitality or ability to do all that they used to be able to do. Many people fight death and old age, try to deny it, resist it, but that doesn’t work. Accept it as part of life, love yourself through all stages of life, all shapes of your body, trim and athletic or round and pudgy. It doesn’t matter which.

What matters is love. Are you able to love yourself and others at all times? Can you remain kind and patient when people need your help? Are you still loving when you don’t get your own way? Are you still happy and peaceful in amidst chaos, trusting it will shift and accepting it as God’s will? These are the signs of spiritual mastery. These show you your progress. The other material stuff does not matter. God does not care if you own 3 houses and a sports car. He cares if you can give your time and attention to the poor and destitute making them feel loved and accepted, and worthy of life. God cares how loving we are to ourselves, others and the Earth. God is love and wishes us to become that too.

There is no rush in mastering this. Life is our learning ground and we evolve at a rate we can handle. We will get there this lifetime or another. There is no rush, so relax, enjoy what comes, knowing it is helping you evolve. That is all you need to do.

Follow your heart’s guidance. If it is telling you to leave your job or relationship then do it. We fight so hard against the heart’s messages out of fear. What if it isn’t the right thing to do? What if i’m mistaken or naive? Most of society doesn’t listen to their heart. They are conditioned not to, so it does feel risky to listen to it, to follow its urges, especially when that requires letting go of security and control, which in reality are illusions, but strong ones the ego mind holds on to.

Will I be safe if I follow my heart? Most certainly yes. God and the angels will be by your side, singing and celebrating as you move into your true profession, being of service in whatever way makes your heart sing and your eyes water with gratitude. Noone is holding you back from this except yourself. Trust the process. Trust in life and have faith that all is working out as it needs to for your highest good and the highest good of all.

We are all evolving into loving, light filled beings. This is what life on Earth is about. It’s not about achieving material wealth or success at ego tasks. Those are distractions from the true task. The task to love more fully every day and stay connected both to God and your heart as you move through each day. So let go of impatience; and trust, accept what is and listen to your heart. It will guide you home to peace and happiness. Blessed BE, Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (01 Dec 2015).

Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

How to forgive those who hurt you

Forgiveness is a term used falsely by many. It is not important for you to forgive another. What you need to do is stop torturing yourself about what occurred. Whether you forgive or not is irrelevant. The healing comes from letting go of the judgement, the hatred, the grief, the sense of betrayal or wishing it could be different, letting go of the need for revenge or expecting the person to say sorry or make amends. Peace comes from letting go of all that and accepting the person as they are, accepting what occurred and no longer fighting the emotions around it. Feel and release the emotions then move on.

It is only when you repeatedly tell the story of how you were wronged that you stay in pain. Choose to tell a different story, choose to focus on the growth that resulted, the personal insights and awareness that you wouldn’t have gotten without that painful experience. Choose to see the good that has come from it or if you can’t see the good yet, know the opportunity that is before you to heal will lead you to goodness, to purity, to innocence and love. It will lead you back to your heart and God and that is a gift.

Without the suffering, many of us wouldn’t go on our personal development journeys. So the pain is a catalyst pushing us to find the light. So those who inflict the pain are really helping us evolve. So there is no wrong to forgive. In the bigger scheme of things, we could thank the person who hurt us, because their actions led to our growth.

So let go of the idea of forgiveness. You do not have the power to condemn or influence another’s actions in the sense of forgiving them lets them off the hook. There was no hook in the first place.

Each person walks a challenging journey while on Earth to learn and grow from. For some, the challenges start when they are young, for others in their mid or later life. We all struggle. We all grow. We each have the choice about how we respond to the experiences in our life and what we think about them, the stories we invent around them, the conclusions and assumptions we jump to, all determine how much we suffer and how long we stay stuck.

Let go of the story, the drama, feel the emotions about it all and return to peace. It doesn’t matter whether or not the person/perpetrator has changed or not. You and you alone determine how long you are kept in the jail of misery by your thinking and the actions you take.

Tension and Trauma Releasing Exercises (TRE) can help to shift out the dense energies, the energetic blocks stored inside you from all the painful, shocking and traumatic events in your life. It can help you to come out of freeze, shut down, depression and make it a little easier for you to then take action to move forward. It is just the old energy that weighs you down, clogs your system and leads you to feel hopeless, helpless and pessimistic like it won’t get any better. Life is changing every day as you release the old energies and open to the new. TRE is one of many useful tools you can use to help heal your past and move into enjoying life more.

Choose to see the flowers and beauty all around you. Choose to see the blessings in your life and how far you have come. See the love that is there at your core and in the core of all beings. See the love, joy and innocence of children and know that is who you truly are – a peaceful, loving, contented child who is in wonder with life, learning and growing with all you experience.

There is no such thing as good or bad. These are just judgements, labels we use. But in the bigger scheme of things all events help you evolve and grow. So let yourself and others off the hook. Just love them. Just honour them and accept them as they are – as beings of light on an evolutionary journey, waking up to love and kindness for all. Do not see yourself as more advanced than them or more aware. Try not to go into ego judgements. Just be love and kindness. As you give love and kindness to yourself and those around you, you will attract love and kindness back to you. While you are filled with hate and bitterness, you will attract more of that, people who feel that way or events that reinforce those feelings inside you.

Do the healing work so you feel peaceful and happy within, then your outer world will become that also. It is all up to you. So choose peace and happiness. Choose to focus on the light-hearted things and let the old stories go. They don’t serve you. Each time you relive a past event, you reignite those feelings, that vibration within you. That is why you feel stuck and like it never changes. Because you have hit pause and replay on that video in your life, that memory, that story. You are just stuck in an endless loop of replay, so you never see the later scenes in the movie, where it all turns out okay. You don’t see what is still to come, because you’re focused on that scene only. Let it go, let the scene disappear as you progress forward in your life open to the new possibilities, trusting in life to lead you forward and help you heal. Feel what needs to be felt and move on.

You can reprogram the subconscious beliefs that keep you stuck, thereby making it easier to move forward. Change ‘It never works out for me‘ to ‘Life is always working out for me.’ Change ‘I can’t trust others, they always hurt me‘ to ‘I attract in loving and kind people I can rely on’. Change ‘I hate my parents and my life‘ to ‘I am grateful for my life which is filled with loving and supportive people’. Change your mindset and your life will change. Feel the peace and ease which comes with these belief changes.

Make such changes through a conscious focus on stopping and replacing negative thoughts, through affirmations and repetitive thinking of the positive thought/belief OR make the change more deeply in your subconscious mind using Psych-K, Lifeline Technique, Hypnosis or other methods of reprogramming subconscious beliefs.

There is much you can do to help move towards peace and happiness. It does not have to be hard or a struggle and you don’t have to force yourself to forgive those who you see as having hurt you. False forgiveness is condescending. It is almost like spitting on the other person as you say I forgive you. In essence, you are saying “I judge you, I despise you, I hate what you did, but I forgive you because I am a better person than you. I forgive you and walk away because you are not worth my time or energy“. That isn’t forgiveness. It isn’t loving or kind. It is just emotional pain that hasn’t been healed. It is like having a nail in your foot, you are stuck, you can’t move, it hurts, yet you are saying to the nail ‘I’m going to ignore you and move forward’. You can’t, you’re nailed to the ground! You have to feel the pain, acknowledge it, release it, so the nail dissolves, then you are free to move forward. But you can’t skip the emotional healing and pain. You have to feel it, move through it, to get to the other side.

Life will guide you there. The right people and events will come to help you through it all. You just have to relax and allow. The less you fight against what is, the less you will struggle. Accept and flow with life. Be honest and kind with yourself. At least if you admit you still feel cross with the other person, you are knowing the truth of the situation for you at this time. It may change in future as you heal and it may take a long time, that’s okay. Be as honest with yourself as you can be, then you can stay connected with your heart and its power to heal you, as opposed to being stuck in your head, which can drown you in negative thinking.

Life will lead you forth in perfect timing for your growth and evolution. That is all you need to know and trust in. It will happen regardless of what you do or how much you resist. Life leads you to where you need to go and what you need to feel, to return back to a state of wholeness and love. That is the goal of life and the journey we are all on. We all make choices we later regret and wouldn’t choose to do again. No need to hold ourselves or others accountable for it. No need to shame or blame or degrade someone for their choices. Choose kindness instead, for we have all made poor choices at times and no one likes to feel ashamed or embarrassed about their past. No one wants to beg for forgiveness. They shouldn’t have to. They are learning and growing, evolving just like the rest of us. We can choose to do so peacefully or painfully. The choice is yours to make. Choose wisely. Blessed BE. Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (24 November 2015).

Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

How to overcome the tendency to isolate?

People isolate themselves when they are feeling overwhelmed by life. They may have been hurt badly and not trust anyone or they may be fearful and depressed. Either way hiding out alone feels safer than risking contact with a world that to them seems harsh, unforgiving, cruel and threatening.

Life is not like that at all. You are always surrounded in the love of God/Source Energy, however, most people are so busy in their heads that they don’t notice it. You rush from one place, one task, one test to the next. You don’t rest fully in the peace of God/Source Energy, in your heart or spend time in nature deeply connecting to the Earth and your true nature.

People rush, rush, rush and then feel exhausted, then they wonder why they have no energy to enjoy life, to go and have fun. They get caught up in negative thoughts and conditioning, which just play out on an endless loop, until they wake up from this state of exhaustion and seek the light.

Sadly all this busy-ness has led to diminished connections with other people. It is rare for you to stop and meet another fully, to look into their eyes and feel their essence, to hear what is going on in their hearts and to talk honestly, truthfully about their experience of life.

empty-cup

You are all walking around like empty cups. Your cups should be filled with love and be over flowing from you to others. Connecting to God, to nature, to each other deeply fills your cup. But most people, nearly everyone, thinks they are too busy to slow down and have their cup filled.

If conflict occurs and you feel fearful, your cup is drained of the little amount of love you have in it. Then you feel empty, drained, exhausted. You know that it was the conflict with that person who led to you feeling drained, so you vow to isolate yourself from people like that, so you don’t get drained further. But in isolating yourself out of fear your cup stays empty. You get stuck in fear and that is the opposite vibration of love.

To love fully you need to be filling your own cup from God/Source/Nature, then you have so much love it doesn’t matter if a little conflict occurs. You will be able to respond to it more lovingly and be less affected by it as your cup is full and over flowing. Instead of getting upset, angry or blaming the person for negatively affecting you, you would simply send them love, feel compassion for them, as they are obviously having a hard time and have an empty cup.

So the key to feeling good is not to isolate out of fear, but to connect with love to God/Source/Nature, to listen to your heart and do things that bring you joy. Do this and your cup is filled, then it is easier to face the other aspects of life.

With people that you do feel safe and good around, make sure you take the time to connect, to talk heart to heart, to fel seen, heard, validated. You will never have that kind of connection with everyone, but when your cup is full the interactions that are less pleasant don’t bother you so much.

Yes you should have boundaries between yourself and those who disrespect you, abuse you or take advantage of you. That is self love, to say no to their demands. But make sure you spend time with those who do love you, respect you and treat you well. Don’t isolate and hide – at home, in social media, in work, etc. Come out into the open and breathe in fresh air, absorb the love, take the risk to open your heart and be present to what life is bringing you. It is all helping you grow and all leading you forward to a higher vibration, to the vibration of love. It is a process, a long one for many who resist out of fear, but know you will get there in the end, everyone will.

When you are isolating out of fear it is like you are stuck, frozen, unable to move and life life fully. Symbolically, that is what is also occurring within you. Any buried emotions, trauma, stress and tension gets held in your body, in your muscles and it is this stuck energy that leads to physical pain such as aching backs, shoulders, hips knees, necks. It is this tension, this rigidity, locked-in that stops our bodies from moving fluidly, from gliding with ease through life.

When our body gets locked up tight so does our thinking. It becomes less flexible. We see more in black and white terms. We see less love and goodness in the world because we are seeing through the lens of pain, of tightness, of soreness, of defeat, anger, disappointment and fear. The way we feel inside our body affects our thoughts and way of seeing in the world. We see less opportunity for change, for improvement. We slump down into resignation, shut down, overwhelm. We curl into a ball to protect ourself.

All of this inner tension, stress and pain can be eased if we use Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) to activate the body’s natural process for releasing that tension, stress and trauma.

The body has a way to ‘shake it off’, to cleanse that energy adn use up all of the fight/flight molecules stored in the body from all the times when we were triggered, but didn’t fight back, run away or speak our truth. All the cortisol and adrenaline was released into our blood stream to prime us to act, but we didn’t so it never got used up and these chemicals stay in the body as incomplete trauma activations. They build up and it is part of what causes our muscles to then tighen up and ache.

TRE can help you to shake out those energies, to complete the trauma activations, so that your body can finally open back up, relax, see and feel more clearly from the now, rather than feeling from the past. Clearing out that stress and tension enables you to see differently, to have easier social interactions, to feel more playful and safe.

When our body is tight, wound up, on hyper-alert, of course it is hard to play or joyfully interact with others, but that all changes when you complete the trauma activations and enable your body to come out of high alert back into peace. It is well worth doing so you can come out of isolation and enjoy life.

When you have healed the hurts in your body, it is much easier to open your heart, to love yourself, others and just BE. You can be present to all that occurs, choosing faith and peace, knowing it is all perfect and all of life is made of God and is doing God’s will. There are no bad people or places or choices, just learning opportunities. Just people who have closed their hearts to love and the light and who will open back up in time. Nothing to do or force, just trust God’s plan and love all that arises.

Send love to your fear, to your pain and to your sadness. Send love to those who you perceive have harmed you. That is what they need most, love. Noone who is feeling good about themself and is at peace within would willingly hurt another. They know that to do so hurts themself. So know that anyone who does hurt you is suffering, they are struggling within themself and with life.

You don’t need to accept the poor treatment, but try to send them love instead of hate or anger or judgement. They are judging themselves harshly and that is what leads to their angst. It can be torture when you are stuck in self defeating patterns of self judgement, self hate and self loathing.

Sadly many people speak to themselves more harshly than they would speak to others. They beat themselves up internally calling themselves names and feeling not good enough. It can be a very dark place. Know that noone will treat you as badly as you treat yourself!

When you are in that dark place the whole world seems dark, but the light is there, just waiting for you to see it and let it in. This is the process of awakening to love, light, God, peace and joy. This is the path back to wholeness. Become your own best friend, be loving and kind to yourself, say nice things about yourself to yourself. Be the loving parent you wished you had.

As you become more loving to you internally, the outside world will mirror it, bringing you people who treat you with more kindness and love. Life is just a mirror showing us what we still have to heal.

Heal it and see the truth, there is nothing but love around us. Anything else is an illusion created by our minds out of fear, judgement and hate. Heal it and you wil see peace, joy and beauty wherever you go. for it is there, we just have to clear out the blocks, the filters to seeing it. Blessed BE. Amen.

Remember everyone is on this journey, you are all isolating out of fear to some degree, not showing your true self for fear of rejection or ridicule. Yet you all are longing for love and acceptance, so why not give it. Just love everyone as they are. If you could do this the pain and fear will drop away and you will all feel safer, happier and more able to enjoy life fully. Choose to love and be loving, that is the key. Blessed BE, Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (5 November 2015).

Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

How do you stop being over controlling?

People are over controlling when they feel scared and vulnerable underneath. They micro-manage everything in an attempt to stay safe and have everything work out as they want it to. If another person does not behave the way they want, the first person is likely to get very angry as they fear the consequences of that person’s actions will be devastating.

Underneath it all is FEAR, lots of fear, hurt and sadness which has built up over the person’s lifetime. The controlling personality is just a defense mechanism to cover up the fear and protect their vulnerability.

In reality the process of over controlling is exhausting, it is done frantically, manically. It is not a peaceful process and it certainly isn’t kind. A controlling person can be very bossy and judgmental as they push through trying to force the outcome they need to feel safe.

They are not thinking about the other person’s feelings or needs, only their own. While this sounds selfish, it is not really. It is not coming from a place of my needs are more important than yours. It is coming from a space of ‘I need you to do this in order for me to feel safe, I am in danger unless you do this, you must do this, please do this’. It is a painful way to live, so desperate and afraid.

Many controlling people appear tough, cold, judgmental, unemotional, but that is just the mask they wear to cover up their vulnerability and fear. What the person really needs is to drop the mask, feel the feelings, release the hurt and sadness, learn to speak their truth in kind and loving ways. For instance:

‘I know I have been pushy and controlling wanting you to do certain things. I’m sorry that I have been so forceful. I was afraid that if you didn’t do those things, X would happen and that worries me. I’m scared Y will occur and I wanted to avoid that. I understand you don’t feel the same ways as me and you may have felt I was saying “You are not good enough as your are”. Please know that I never meant for you to feel that. You are a beautiful child of God on your own path of healing and wholeness. I was just scared and wanted to avoid what I feared would occur. What I really need is to say all of this to you and stop pretending to be strong. Can we work out a plan together to tackle this situation, then I can relax knowing that it will be okay.

When I start to get scared or frustrated can you please just give me a hug, help me to feel okay, safe, reassured that all is okay. I would love it if we could do that. I know it is not your job to look after me, I will look after me, I am just sharing how I feel. I will do my best to let go and trust you to do what is agreed to. I may slip up and be pushy occasionally – this has been a lifetime habit. If I do slip up just let me know and give me a hug. Please don’t get mad at me. I mean no harm, I’m just scared and need to be comforted and reassured. Thank you for loving me, listening to me, and caring for me. I love you and value you and want to treat you better and I will do so. Thank you’

If a person who has been over controlling like this can speak their truth, the armour can start to melt, they can let go of the rigidity, soften the emotions and feel their heart beat. They will need to learn self supportive talking techniques to reassure themselves whenever they start feeling vulnerable. They will need to learn positive thinking / thought stopping skills, so they can stop a negative thought in its tracks and change it to a more positive one. ‘Yes, I used to believe it would be a disaster if …. occurred. I know now that I would cope, even if it did occur. In all the years of worrying about …… it has never or rarely happened and even when it has, it hasn’t been that bad. I’ve coped. I’ve survived. I’ve learned and I’m okay!’

Free-Bird

Worry is pointless, it really is, let it go. Let go of wasting your days in fear. Let it go. Focus on your breathing and calm your body this way. Deepen your breathing as much as you can. Long breaths into the belly help your body to calm and to regulate itself. Fear chemicals will get dissolved and you can return to a state of balance and peace.

Know that those people who appear most rigid, have the most emotion locked inside them. They have not processed and released it. They have bottled it up inside and they are like a pressure cooker waiting to explode. They are under great internal pressure that they need to learn to regulate, to let the steam out little by little, in manageable ways until the pressure has dissipated.

The body actually has a natural mechanism to do this. It will ‘tremor’ to release the tension, stress and trauma that has accumulated in the body. You can activate the tremoring mechanism to safely discharge the blocked energy and calm your nervous system out of fight and flight back to peace. If you would like to learn more about the tremoring process see the Trauma and Tension Release Exercises (TRE) page of my website.

Processing the emotions underneath controlling behaviour will take time and courage to face the truth of your feelings and drop your personality mask. It requires a willingness to be vulnerable, to meet and reveal your true self, your inner child and all the hurts that have been hidden. Doing so leads to freedom, to inner peace, better relationships and more enjoyment of life. It is worth doing. Blessed BE. Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (29 October 2015).

Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

Healing from childhood sexual abuse (part two)

In the first blog on this topic we focused on the fact that a lot of healing is required to release the buried emotions and pain that result from childhood sexual abuse. We gave some advice on how to move through tough emotions that surface and demand our attention.

Precious0005Today we talk about the wider implications. When one has been sexually abused as a child you can lose the sense that your body is precious and should be treated as such. You can forget that sexual intimacy is meant to be loving, kind and about connection with self, other and God. It is a sacred act resulting in union between man and woman. It results in conception, birth and parenthood. It is a sacred act necessary for the continuation of the species. It is meant to be enjoyable and safe.

For those who have been sexually abused as children sex does not feel sacred or safe – It can feel scary, dirty or carnal. The sacredness can be regained once healed, but for many who have suffered abuse sex feels like a threat, dangerous, or worse, meaningless – something you do just to please your partner or to get attention from another.

Many who have been abused as children continue to let themselves be abused by others. They don’t know how to set boundaries or say no. They don’t know that there is a choice to say no or that sex can be different to the physical act that they have experienced. It can become an addiction, a seductive tool used to get what you want in life. This really devalues your body as it is used by others. But someone who has been deeply hurt may be so numbed from their pain and hiding from their true feelings that they don’t even notice that they feel devalued, used, taken advantage of, etc. In essence they let the abuse continue, not knowing that they deserve better.

Some do the oposite. For some the abuse was so terrifying that they won’t let anyone close and sex becomes something that simply doesn’t happen as it feels too dangerous. In between these extremes is the person who can have sex with their partner, but may not feel much physically during the act, their mind wanders thinking of other things, so energetically they are not present or fully participating in the act – they have left in their minds to a safer place.

It takes much healing to get to the space where you can be fully present during sex, enjoy it and see it / feel it as a sacred process of surrender – allowing yourself to merge with your beloved partner and God. God is of course not involved in this, but the energy of union, of oneness, of love, is God and it is through the sexual act that we become most vulnerable and intertwined with another – we become one with them and therefore return in the moments of deep connection to Source, to our true state of oneness with all that is.

Another aspect of life affected by childhood sexual abuse is our self image of what it means to be a man or a woman. It will affect what we think about ourself, our worth, our appearance, our attitudes, etc. It shapes our view of the world to one that is less than loving and kind, less than supportive and caring. All of this has to be worked through as we learn to love ourselves and dress according to our personality or being. For many years a sufferer of childhood sexual abuse may dress as a tomboy to avoid feeling feminine or threatened by further abuse. Baggy clothes are common, trying to hide the fact they are a woman or young teen.

Of course those who have gone the opposite direction dress provocatively revealing their sexuality to all, showing they have power over others by alluring them. That is what the provocation is truly about. It is the person’s way to attempt to feel powerful, to have control over others. That way if they feel they are in control it is less scary than thinking others can control them. It is just a form of self defense.

Both responses are okay and understandable as a result of what they have been through. The goal however is to heal and find balance, where you can just be you and dress how you like because you want to – not because you are trying to prove anything to anyone else or to get approval.

When we heal fully we come to a place of self love and acceptance where it doesn’t matter what others think. When we are in this healthy place we can live our life doing what we want, being present to the moment and enjoying all that comes. We are not preoccupied with the past or the future. Our body is relaxed, not on guard, not scanning for danger or looking about needily or for protection. We are at ease, peace, trusting, flowing with life.

You can get to this stage and you will. All human beings will. It just takes time and effort – a willingness to keep dealing with whatever emotions surface and releasing them to the light, so that your body is ‘lighter’ and you do not feel so burdened, weighed down, heavy from it all – which is what depression is. It is a person feeling ‘de-pressed’ – pressed down by all the weight of their life, their stories of what has occurred to them and their fearful, angry, shameful reactions to it. “Depression” is calling you to “deep rest”. It is your body’s way of saying I need you to stop now, to feel and heal this, to let it go. Enough running, pushing it away, trying to pretend it isn’t real. Stop, feel and heal. REST then you can feel better, find peace and happiness. This is what is needed. You deserve it. You are allowed to have it and you have done nothing wrong. Any actions that you have taken resulted from your pain, your past experiences. You had no control over what occurred to you. You did your best to cope and live life. If you did some things you are not proud of, forgive yourself. Forgive and free yourself of any shame or guilt and choose to behave differently from now on. Know you did the best you could at the time. Let yourself off the hook and let yourself have fun and enjoy your life. You deserve to do so, to be free of the past and making the most of your now.

intimacy-means-that-were-safeA big part of healing from sexual abuse is learning to trust another, to let a partner close to you – to be able to determine when it is safe to do so and the person is someone who is trustworthy, who will treat you well and who wants to be in a loving, intimate, connected, heart-felt relationship with you.

Recognise however that if you are not in such a relationship with yourself you are not likely to do so with a partner. Are you loving and supportive of yourself? Do you respect and treat yourself well? Do you lovingly speak to [yourself] and honour your own needs? If not, don’t expect a partner to do so. Their behaviour will reflect the way you treat yourself. If you treat yourself poorly you are role modelling to a partner that they can do so too.

Part of healing is learning to see the truth that people may treat you poorly if you let them, but as you heal and become more whole, you won’t attract that behaviour in. You simply wouldn’t get into the relationship as you would know deep in your core, your intuition and gut feelings, that that person is not suitable for you as a partner. But in order to access your knowingness, your intuition and gut feel you have to be connected to yourself, to listen to your feelings, and identify your needs. This requires learning to be fully grounded in your body, present within it. You can do this by simply closing your eyes and focusing on your breath in your belly. Get used to breathing deeply and witnessing your body’s reactions, practice feeling/listening to what is occurring inside you. Throughout the day notice whether you are in your body or if you have floated off into your mind or escaped into fantasy / left your body, so to speak.

There are many techniques you can use to help you settle back into your body. One that I use is Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE). It helps the nervous system to relax and unwind, so that the body drops out of hypervigilance, fight, flight, and freeze, so it can return to its normal relaxed state.

TRE is a simple set of exercises you can do on your own at home to start the body’s natural stress, tension and trauma release mechanism. We have an inbuilt mechanism to shake off all the tension and trauma. It uses up all the fight and flight chemicals, like cortisol and adrenaline, that get stored in the body every time we get triggered and don’t act.

If we did run or fight back these chemicals would get used up, but if we freeze or we push through forcing ourself to stay present in a situation where our body is uncomfortable and telling us to flee, then those fight/flight chemicals stay within, adding to the muscles clenching and tension patterns in our body.

Using TRE helps the body to relax, to let go of those patterns, to feel safer and more peaceful within. When that happens the mind also relaxes and our defences melt as the mind is no longer being sent danger signals by the body. It no longer senses threat at every corner.

There are other techniques you can use that also help the body to calm, such as spending time in nature, meditation, gentle exercise like yoga and much more.

Learning to be present to what is occurring in the moment and being grounded in your body is a major step in healing as you can then feel and process what needs to be let go of. When you are present in this way, you can get inner guidance as to what to do and how to improve your experience of life.

The answers are all within you. Your soul knows what you need to do and it will talk to you. Listen to your heart and follow its guidance. This is the goal to reach to live as happily ever after as possible. Healing from childhood sexual abuse takes time and effort, but it is worth it, to find the freedom and peace that awaits you when you heal. Blessed BE. Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (23 Oct 2015).

Here is the link to part 3 of how to heal from childhood sexual abuse.

Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

What is the role of the inner child?

inner-childEach of you has your child-self inside you, the memories and feelings of what it was like at each age of your life. These memories and feelings still affect you today and can sabotage your life. If you are wanting to do something new, to take a risk and explore a new aspect of life, these younger parts of you may try to stop you if they don’t feel safe, if they remember taking risks before led to lots of pain or change = loss, heart break. In this sense they are trying to protect you and keep you safe. If you want to go ahead with your risk taking you will need to talk to and work with your inner child to reassure them that you are aware of the risk and you are taking steps to ensure it doesn’t go badly.

You literally can talk to, cuddle and hold your inner child. Close your eyes and feel them inside you. They may be hiding from view at first, but as you talk to them and try to connect with them they will come out from the shadows to talk to you. Ideally you want to build a healthy, loving relationship with your inner child. Check in with them daily, even if it is only a few minutes. See how they are feeling and ask them what they need. If you have been working really hard they may want you to rest and have some fun. You can visualise going to the partk with them and playing on the play equipment or having a picnic by the sea. There is no limit to this inner contact and its possibilities. As the child learns to trust you it will relax and play more on its own, not needing to interrupt your plans with its fear, concerns or anger. Ignoring your inner child is a recipe for disaster. It will throw a tantrum and cause you to behave in less than ideal ways. Better to meet your inner child’s needs first so this doesn’t occur.

My child was very scared and grumpy at first, feeling alone, neglected and abandoned. She wanted icecream and attention. She wanted to be heard and listened to as she told me all of the things I had done that hurt her. She then wanted the chance to dot he same with my parents and others whose actions had affected her. This can all be done through guided visualisations.

inner childBasically your inner child wants you to become the good, attentive, loving parent to it. They may feel you didn’t receive enough love and attention when little and they want to receive that from you. If you give it they become contented, happy, joyful, playful and help you go through life seeing the beauty and innocence all around us.

Many of us had to grow up too quick. Many kids learn very young to shut off their childlikeness and innocence to focus on the needs of others – to watch out for danger in an abusive home or unsafe environment. Many end up taking care of their parent who may have been depressed, suicidal, or otherwise unavailable. Many kids become much older than their physical age by taking on some role in the family, it may be caring for siblings if the parents don’t do it. For whatever reasons, many people do not experience the beauty and innocence of childhood where life is all about exploring, learning, playing and having fun. Those inner children who missed out on that, who grew up too quick, may still be trying to control what happens to you, continuing to play the role of watcher, protector, guardian. They may be scanning for danger constantly or fearful of what might occur. They need you to take over, to be the adult, and to allow them to finally be a child and do age appropriate things. Then they can relax and play. They can open their hearts back up and have fun. They can let go of their grudges and resentments. As they heal we obtain the freedom to be more adult-like, to operate from the present, as oposed to being affected by the past.

The role of the inner child is to show us what we still need to heal and to help us return to our state of innocence and peace. They remind us how to live life in the moment in awe of the natural world around us. They remind us how to play, have fun, love unconditionally and just BE. They have a very important role in helping us return to health and wholeness. Love them, take time to be with them and your life will blossom, as you do so internally. Our inner children are very important and deserve to be rescued from the pain they have been trapped in for decades. Set them free and you also free yourself. Blessed BE, Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (22 Sept 2015).

Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

How to accept the now and not focus on past or future as the source of happiness

Many people are trapped in the past. “I enjoyed life when I was ……., why can’t it be like that again? Why did it have to change?” This is victim thinking. You can’t change what happened, but you can create a life you enjoy now. Let go of resentment, regret, fear and loss by living NOW. Do something you enjoy, rather than wallowing in your mind and on your own. Go outdoors and sing, enjoy your life. It is up to you.

Similarly, many people are trapped in the future, always thinking about what will be, what is yet to come, this prevents them from living life fully as they are so preoccupied with the future that they don’t take action now. This is pointless. It wastes the now with daydreaming. If your daydreaming feels good and inspires you then it is beneficial, a part of manifesting your desires and bringing them closer to you. But if your daydreaming leaves you sad, longing for what could be and not enjoying or happy with now, then it is detrimental.

There is no guarantee that the future you envision will occur as you want it to, and even if it does, it may not be the perfect panacea you imagine. Life will always have challenges. You just have to move through them and choose to make the best out of every situation you face.

To be happy you need to acknowledge and accept what is. You need to be grateful for all that you do have, rather than resentful because you don’t have what you want most. What you want will come when you clear out your resistance and raise your vibration, so you match the vibration of your desired item, person, place or thing. It can come when you are open fully to love, to receiving, to acceptance and harmony. It won’t come while you are sulky, sad, resentful, bored, glum, depressed, etc. See this. Wallowing in self-pity does not move you closer to your goals.

If you are feeling stressed, unhappy with your now, restless or anxious, then Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) may help you to unwind all that tension so that it is easier to be in the now. TRE can help you to let go of old trauma activations, to complete them by tremoring out and moving through all those stored emotions and energies in your body from past challenging moments.

When you complete the old trauma activations, the fight or flight moments, the frozen in terror moments, the collapsed in defeat, resignation and despair moments… when these are cleared out of your body it is easier to face the now and welcome in the new.

When you are clogged up with all the old feelings, fears and traumas of course it’s hard to be here now, present, open and enjoying life.

It’s not that you’re broken, flawed, lazy, etc. You just have baggage inside you to clear up, to sort through and to discard that which no longer serves you. It’s just a task to be done. Like cleaning house. the longer we delay doing it the bigger the job is, and it can become overwhelming.

It’s best to just start. Choose one thing to do to change your circumstances and start. That might be exercising more, eating better, meditating, going out with friends or starting a hobby. Choose one thing you know you will feel better after doing it and do it. This is how you start to enjoy your now more.

You need to train yourself to take action so you will be happier with now and more hopeful of what is to come.

How do you do that if you are currently unhappy with now? Make gratitude lists, see the benefits of now. You have a home, food to eat, a job to do, friends and maybe a partner. You may have pets or family who you love and enjoy spending time with, a sport or a hobby you enjoy doing, there is nature to explore. There are many benefits/blessings all around you. You just have to focus on all of these gifts and accept the now as enough. “I am satisfied with my life”. “I make the most of my life”. “I enjoy my now, every moment”. “I accept my now and what is occurring in my life”. “I accept my life and trust in my future”. “I focus on the now, knowing that is all I need to do”. You don’t have to make the future happen. It will come automatically. There are many core beliefs/thinking patterns to change and replace with the examples given above. It really is about loving what is, not fighting against it.

Your happily ever after is a myth, there will always be challenges and growth occurring. Life is about evolutionary growth and awakening to the light, learning to be peaceful and content in all situations. If you are not content now it just shows you the potential growth you are yet to achieve.

Life does not need to be hard. You do not have to struggle or feel you have missed out on so many things. This is all just flawed thinking. You have experienced exactly what you were meant to experience. You have what you most need to support your growth and evolution. The Universe delivers the people, situations, places and experiences you need to evolve. It occurs without your active involvement. It is like a movie, the destination is preset and is just unfolding around you, revealing itself to you in each moment.

Let go of the struggle and fight, accept what is. Do this by consciously catching yourself whenever you are thinking unhelpful thoughts. Deliberately think positive, supportive thoughts – reprogram your subconscious mind so these are your default thinking patterns. There are many ways to do this – Psych-K, Lifeline Technique, affirmations, etc. Do it so that you do not have to work so hard all the time. Then you can flow with life and accept what is. Life can be a blissful party if you accept it fully and ride the wave of whatever comes. Just accept and move through every situation that comes, trusting there is a reason for it, some evolutionary growth in it. Life just happens. There are no mistakes and no wasted moments. It is all helping you move forward in life.

You can fight against it, but it won’t change what occurs, just your experience of it. So choose to enjoy it as much as you can. You are only harming yourself with your thoughts and decreasing your joy and vitality. Choose to enjoy every moment. It is up to you and you can do it. It is a choice, a practice to develop and do so much that it becomes a habit and automatic to you, like driving a car. It took a lot of effort, focus and remembering/practising to drive a car safely and smoothly, but after a while, it becomes natural, automatic. You need to do the same with your thinking patterns until they become automatically positive and helpful in creating a joyous experience of the now, of each moment in your life. That is what is needed to let go of focusing on the past or future as your place of happiness.

There is no magic cure. You have to make the effort to change your thinking patterns and take action to create a more enjoyable experience now. Do a hobby, visit friends, have fun. Don’t just sit at home wishing it was different. Take action to change your experience of life and be grateful for all you have and all that is to come. Trust God/The Universe to bring you perfect experiences without you having to force it / beg it / make it happen. Life wants you to evolve and will bring you what is needed. Trust in that and relax. Enjoy life now. It is up to you. Blessed BE. Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (20 Sept 2015).

Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.