Month: June 2016

How bad experiences in childhood lead to adult illlness

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Healing from child abuse, Health, Self help techniques

Yet another article with the science showing what survivors of child abuse have always known. Abuse in childhood leads to significant physical, emotional and mental difficulties in adulthood. The good news is that more and more people are recognising this and that we can’t simply “get over it”.  Abuse changes the way a child reacts to stress and constant exposure leads to changes in the child’s DNA resulting in the ‘fight or flight’ system being always turned on. The ongoing, chronic stress unfortunately leads to inflammatory and immune responses that damage health as adults.

Joan Kaufman, director of the Child and Adolescent Research and Education (CARE) programme at the Yale School of Medicine, recently analysed DNA in the saliva of happy, healthy children, and of children who had been taken from abusive or neglectful parents. The children who’d experienced chronic childhood stress showed epigenetic changes in almost 3,000 sites on their DNA, and on all 23 chromosomes – altering how appropriately they would be able to respond to and rebound from future stressors.

Likewise, Seth Pollak, professor of psychology and director of the Child Emotion Research Laboratory at the University of Wisconsin at Madison, uncovered startling genetic changes in children with a history of adversity and trauma. Pollak identified damage to a gene responsible for calming the stress response. This particular gene wasn’t working properly; the kids’ bodies weren’t able to reign in their heightened stress response. ‘A crucial set of brakes are off,’ says Pollak.

It is great that science is catching up. They are also recognising that there are many ways to heal which can help survivor’s bodies relax and not be in ‘fight or flight’ all the time.

Science tells us that biology does not have to be destiny. ACEs can last a lifetime, but they don’t have to. Just as physical wounds and bruises heal, just as we can regain our muscle tone, we can recover function in underconnected areas of the brain. If anything, that’s the most important take-away from ACE research: the brain and body are never static; they are always in the process of becoming and changing.

Even if we have been set on high-reactive mode for decades or a lifetime, we can still dial it down. We can respond to life’s inevitable stressors more appropriately and shift away from an overactive inflammatory response. We can become neurobiologically resilient. We can turn bad epigenetics into good epigenetics and rescue ourselves. We have the capacity, within ourselves, to create better health. We might call this brave undertaking ‘the neurobiology of awakening’.

Today, scientists recognise a range of promising approaches to help create new neurons (known as neurogenesis), make new synaptic connections between those neurons (known as synaptogenesis), promote new patterns of thoughts and reactions, bring underconnected areas of the brain back online – and reset our stress response so that we decrease the inflammation that makes us ill.

In the article they specifically mention ‘Meditation, mindfulness, neurofeedback, cognitive therapy, EMDR (eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing) therapy’ as some of the tools that can help survivor’s to calm their bodies and reprogram their minds.

I have found a wide range of techniques helpful including:

  • Energy and body work, such as crystal bed sessions or reiki, to help the body unlock and relax;
  • Psych-K or Lifeline Technique to release trauma and reprogram the subconscious mind so you can change negative beliefs about life and the world into positive ones e.g. so you are not always expecting the worst and you can start to feel safe, so you believe that you do deserve good things and that people can treat you well;
  • Mindfulness and meditation techniques to still the mind and create space to witness what is occurring instead of reacting automatically;
  • Skill development including thought stopping, boundary setting, inner child, and self love skills, so that you no longer allow yourself to be abused by others or by yourself;
  • Family Constellations to heal the trauma in the family system and reconnect with love, thereby allowing greater lifeforce and harmony within.

There is lots that can be done. While adverse childhood trauma does have a massive impact on your life, it can be healed.

Article - bad experiences in childhood lead to adult illness

Why do we fear rejection so much?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Personal Development, Self help techniques

In the past rejection meant death, whether it was the witch hunts, the torture chamber or being left to fend for yourself in the wild as your tribe moved on without you. To be isolated and alone meant death, not just sadness and loss, death.

In today’s world rejection is less serious, a loss of a friend, a job, a group. They can easily be replaced. It is not life threatening. It only feels like it is or like something serious. In reality it is not.

The intensity of our fear of rejection depends on how much we were hurt when little. If our parents were there for us and we felt accepted, seen, heard and loved then we will have a sense of secure attachment, of love and safety when interacting with others.

But if our parents weren’t consistently available to us or our interactions with them led us to feel not seen, heard or accepted then we will have pain around interacting with others. If we felt rejected by our parents, not good enough for them, that is a deeply painful process to experience. It is this pain of not being loved and accepted fully by our parents, the devastation of that which then taints our interaction with others. We fear feeling that pain again.

But the reality is as an adult we are not dependent on others like we were as a child on our parents. We needed our parents to care for us, to provide for us. As adults we can give that to ourselves. So rejection is not as serious or life threatening any more. It is just the emotional pain of our past experiences with our parents that leads it to feel so serious.

We can do healing work to heal those wounds so that we feel more secure and safe within. We can meet our own needs and reconnect with our body, releasing the stress, tension and trauma, so that we feel safe and secure within and can be more relaxed and open with our interactions with others. When the wounds are healed it no longer feels so dangerous and we can react playfully and joyfully as we meet others, knowing we are safe and can have fun. Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) can help us to release those tensions and complete the old trauma activations freeing us to enjoy life more fully.

The reality is you may be rejected many times throughout your life. It may be lovers, it may be parents ashamed of your choices. It may be misunderstandings between friends or work colleagues. Do not react with anger or hurt, simply move on, accept it for what it is and move on.

rejection redirectionWhile it feels like loss, like a forced change of direction or focus, it is actually occurring for your highest good. That person or situation has served you well. They have shaped the next chapter in your story. They have helped you redirect your efforts on to something or someone else. Not everyone will be in your life forever. People come and go, they grow and evolve, and their vibration shifts. If your vibrations conflict, you will part. It is not actually personal. It is energetic and it is meant to be.

A deep loss, of a loved one or parent or child for instance, may cripple you emotionally for quite some time. It helps you to release sadness and grief. It helps you question your life and what you are doing with it. This may lead you to listen to your heart more and do something you care more about, instead of just going through the motions, doing things that society tells you to do. The loss prompts significant change and it serves you. It is a gift not a tragedy. A gift, remember that, look for the good that comes out of all you experience and it is easier to accept.

A minor misunderstanding with someone you barely know, which results in the end of the blossoming friendship, shows you that rejection, while a little hurtful, isn’t the end of the world. Life goes on, your normal life is still in tact, just that person will no longer be a part of it. This shows you rejection is okay, there is no need to fear it so much or give your power away to other people so much.

be-yourself-imageYou are actually okay on your own. You don’t need people as much as you think you do. It is not the ancient battle field or tribal village any more. There are large numbers of people out there who are willing to be your friend, your partner, your lover, your work colleagues. When the time is right you meet them. You don’t need to search, you don’t need to try and force it or effort it or think too much about it or what you will and won’t say so people will accept you and won’t hurt you, reject you, abandon or abuse you. Just be yourself. That is all you need to do. Those that are meant to join with you will. Those that aren’t, won’t. It is as simple as that. So stop walking on egg shells around other people. Be yourself and be proud.

Rejection is not a death sentence any more. It is simply one of many events in life that help shift your perspective and help you evolve, as you travel along this journey called life. Blessed BE, Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (5 June 2016).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

How childhood trauma affects health across a lifetime

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Healing from child abuse, Health, Parenting, Personal Development, Uncategorized

In this short video Nadine Burke Harris explains how adverse childhood experiences impacts the health of the child and continues to do so over the lifetime of the person. She explains in scientific terms why this occurs and ways the impacts can be reduced. She believes that this is a public health issue and should be addressed as such with multidisciplinary teams available to help affected individuals to heal the trauma and reduce the impacts.

Why is joy so fleeting?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Self help techniques

Joy is an emotion that occurs when you are totally at peace and living in in the Now. You are not thinking about the future or the past or what you need to do later in the day. Joy is the sheer pleasure of being present and attentive to the moment at hand, and whatever is arising. Few of you can stay present for very long. You skip all over the place with your thinking and therefore joy is lost. It takes focus, immersement, surrender and acceptance for joy to be present. It is not a doing or an efforting, it is an ease, a relaxation into what is.

The questioning mind keeps you away from joy. The judging mind sends it away further. All these mind activities keep you stuck in the head and away from your heart, which is where joy is felt. So you can’t have lasting joy unless you can rest in your heart. When you can do so, you see beauty and joy everywhere. You see it in nature, in the sunshine, in dogs playing, children laughing. You see it in life and its busyness and you see it in the faces of those who are eating cake or icecream or who are on an endorphin high after exercise. Joy is everywhere when you are in the receptive state to see it, feel it and receive its vibration.

That means your heart needs to be peaceful and for many of us that isn’t the case very often. Many people have hearts full of emotioal pain, yet to be released, full of fear and mistrust, confusion and pain, doubt and loss. There are lots of emotions and painful thoughts or beliefs leading to and perpetuating these low vibration emotions and energies. People’s bodies are filled with these issues creating emotional density or baggage. The heart is weighed down and joy which is very light is not felt.

It can be felt temporarily when you do something that stills you, that takes you to your heart and to enough inner silence that you can hear the heart’s message. This might occur during meditation, a walk in nature, holding a baby or a beloved pet. Whatever it is that takes you inside yourself and quietens your mind, then you can feel joy.

Joy can last and become your predominant experience, once you have cleaned out the emotional density and ceased reacting to the events that occur around you. If someone cuts you off in traffic, you don’t have to get agitated or angry. You can stay calm and peaceful. It’s a choice. A habit to break and a decision to choose differently. Even if someone is in your face saying unkind things, you don’t have to react with fear or with anger back. You can just stay centred, send love to your heart and your inner child, and choose peace. You can send the person love and acknowledge their power, for that is what they are truly seeking, to be seen, heard, acknowledged and accepted. They are hurting inside and lashing out. Don’t deepen their wound by reacting badly/painfully, send them love and help them heal. If you can do this, you can maintain your state of balance, peace and joy, no matter what you encounter.

It is possible, you just have to learn to do so, to be able to step back and witness what occurs and choose your reaction. So monitoring your thoughts, being quiet enough to hear them, is an important skill to learn in order to have peace and joy all the time.

If your body automatically reacts with exaggerated fear responses to situations this is a signal that you have trauma inside that needs to be released. Your body is reacting as if you are in evere danger when you are not actually in danger.

A door may bang, a raised voice might occur, a car backfires and your body goes into freeze, into hypervigilance and defensive reactions. This is a sign that you need to comfort your body, connect inside and release that stress, tension and trauma, so that your body can relax, become more peaceful and able to relate to others, to life in more joyous and open ways. While your body feels there is threat, danger, it won’t relax fully and this makes it hard to have sustained joy as your mind is preoccupied expecting danger and scanning for it.

The scanning for danger distracts you from the moment, the stillness, the joy of being present to what is. It keeps you activated, primed ready to respond to whatever does occur. It can be exhausting even though nothing bad is actually happening.

You can use Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) and other embodiment activities to help you to clear out the stress, tension and trauma in your body, so it is easier for you to be in the now, to relax and to enjoy life. TRE activates the body’s natural, inbuilt mechanism for releasing stress, tension and trauma. It helps to calm your nervous system, to come out of freeze, fight and flight, back into calm social engagement, where you feel safe, can relax and play with others and enjoy life.

It is well worth learning TRE to help you be calm, playful and joyful as you move through life. It does take some time for your body to reach this state. You have to clear out the old stuck energies so the new lighter energy can enter. Thankfully with TRE you can do it at home, whenever you want, as part of your self-care process. Once you have learned how to self-regulate your TRE you can do it on your own, for free, for the rest of your life. Your body will thank you for it!

Even if you temporarily lose your cool and need to balance back up, you can do so quickly if you don’t berate yourself for it. You can simply notice that you reacted, learn from it, heal whatever button or event it triggered from your past and vow to react differently in future. Love yourself and the situation for the healing it enabled. Thank it and let it go. No need to hold on to it. No need to beat yourself up for slipping or not being perfect.

You are human and you are evolving and growing each day. Each day moves you towards having greater peace and joy in your life. The recipe is clear, less doing more being, less judging more accepting, less resistance more allowance, more fun and creativity, more stillness and going within, more practice and friendships – more sharing and growth. All of this adds up to a life full of joy and happiness, being of service in whatever way feels right to you. Blessed BE. Amen. May joy be in your hearts now and always. So be it.

By Jodi-Anne (4 June 2016).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

Common reasons for restriction to our lifeforce

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Family Constellations, Healing from child abuse

In this video Mark Wolynn explains four common themes or reasons why we may experience a restriction in our lifeforce and difficulty in our life. He explains these themes from a systemic family constellations perspective. The themes are: 1) we have rejected a parent, 2) we have unconsciously absorbed an emotion or experience of our parent and are playing that out in our life, 3) we have had a break in the early bond with our Mother, and 4) we have identified with a relative who isn’t spoken about and has been judged and rejected. These unconscious patternings affect the way we see the world and what we attract into our life experience. Through systemic family constellations you can unhook from these patterns and regain your lifeforce, thereby improving your experience of life.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZZbDzeEGZ0

Why do we have to go through so much pain?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Conscious Evolution, Healing from child abuse, Personal Development

The pain is what leads to the growth. I know it is hard to accept, but without it people would simply live superficial, easy, materialistic lives. They would be caught up in seeking pleasure and never question the status quo.

It is the pain that makes people wake up. It is the pain that gets them to slow down and reflect on life. It is the pain that humbles them, brings them to their knees and gets them to accept they can’t do it on their own. It is the pain that leads them home to God, to peace and happiness. It is the pain that saves them and turns them to the light.

golden heartI know it is extremely hard and challenging when you have suffered severe pain and tragedy, when your emotions are spent and your body exhausted. I know it is devastating to see the suffering in the world, to feel the pain of all those around you, but it is the depth of suffering that will lead you to stand up and shine your light the brightest, to help reduce the suffering of others.

As each person comes out of their tunnel of darkness, they can show the way to others. They can stand in the face of the other’s pain and say “You can survive this. I am proof and I am here”. It is the pain that leads to your ability to overcome and to stand strong. It is the pain that teaches you to reach out for others to support you and help you through. It is the pain that brings you to your knees and then that enables you to empathise with other’s when they are on their knees.

You learn we are all the same, we all go through it, we all need help and support sometimes. You learn we are one, the Universal experience is that of pain and suffering and overcoming it and embracing the light. That is growth, that is evolution. There is no other way, no other way to achieve that depth of understanding and compassion. Each goes through it, each matures as a result of it and each gets stronger and shines their light more brightly because of it.

Each lifetime you explore a different aspect of life and round out your experiences. They do not all involve suffering, but some must for you to evolve and grow. You also have lifetimes full of pleasure and happiness. These are good, but slower in growth terms, as it is the challenges that lead to growth. It is those few key moments, where you get to choose to act or not act, to help or not help another, to choose love or fear – those key decisions and turning points, that life is all about. The day to day stuff is relatively unimportant and meaningless from an evolutionary point of view.

Without the catastrophes change would not occur. The Earth needs the earthquakes and volcanoes to make new land, to change what is. Floods and storms create the new on Earth. It all serves a purpose, it isn’t a catastrophe. Sometimes land needs to be split apart and what has grown there is wiped out and started again. that is life. Species die and are wiped out, pollution occurs. It is all part of it. We aren’t meant to live completely rosy lives full of health and happiness.

We are meant to face great challenges, to see if we rise up and behave greatly. We all face our demise with old age and have to surrender control as our bodies weaken and become frail. We are all humbled one way or another. We are all led to question life and why what happens does happen the way it does. We are all led to question God’s existence and whether we believe in him/her or not.

We are all led to the altar, but only some knock on the door, only some enter the kingdom, many turn away, many don’t knock out of fear or anger, pride or jealously. They don’t knock and therefore don’t get an answer. God is there waiting to answer their questions, but they have to ask. Without asking there is no call and therefore no response. It isn’t God’s fault we don’t ask, he is there encouraging us. But he waits patiently knowing everyone will knock eventually. It just takes time, different amounts of time for each to grow weary enough, that they gladly surrender and come home to his arms, his heart and choose to live in peace, accepting what is and flowing with life. While we still fight against what is, we are held separate from God’s love, wishing life was different or rebelling against it’s seeming unfairness.

Each person gets what they need for their evolution and growth. Yes it is hard, yes there is a great deal of pain and suffering, but it leads you home to the light in a way that cannot be obtained any other way.

Move through the pain to the light and you can help others learn how to do so too. You can help reduce the suffering in the world by guiding others through their tunnels of darkness in the quickest way possible, so they can enjoy life again and see the light.

You don’t have to stay trapped in darkness any longer. You see the door, walk through it into the light of day, of surrender to what is and living each day being grateful for what you do have and focusing on what is good in the world. Focus on the good and you will feel better. Be and spread love and you will feel better. Focus on the beauty of creation, of nature, of life and feel that in your heart. Fill your heart with love and joy by allowing that to be your experience of life. Do things that bring you joy, spend time wtih people who you love and feel love from. Focus on and multiply the good in your life and it will become your predominant experience of what is here on Earth.

You do not need to stay stuck in pain. The pain is just a stepping stone moving you towards the light. Take the leap and move forward into peace and joy and leave the past and suffering behind.

Focus on the now and all that is good in your life and the world. That is how you move out of pain and into peace. Feel what you need to feel then move on. Do the emotional release work and releasing your conditioning and mental programming. Release it and find peace. Clear our the trauma and tension from your body. You can use Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) to help you to do this, to activate your body’s natural, inbuilt mechanism for releasing stress, tension and trauma. Release these stuck energies and it’s easier to be in the now, to be present with others, to enojy life. Release it and move forward.  You can do it and you can help many others to do it too.

Happy kidsYou are each a role model for those around you. You are each a catalyst of growth for many. You have a greater influence than you realise. When you choose to shine your light, all those in your local vicinity receive a wave of higher vibration energy, which helps them to let go of their pain and move forward.

So your vibration helps to free them of their suffering, to loosen the grip on the ties that bind them, the inner knots and tangles inside, these slowly unwind, free up and you are helping them do it by shining your light. So realise that you serve many and your suffering has led you to this service, this gift of light that you give to others.

It does all serve a purpose, even if it appears random and senseless at first. Know you are loved and there is help all around you, waiting for you to let it in. Let the light in and choose peace, for you truly can have it when you let go of the past, your judgments on what is and flow with life. So be it. Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (2 June 2016).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

Why do we fight against what is?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Conscious Evolution, Personal Development

You fight against what is because you know it is not meant to be the way it is. Life can be loving, kind, joyful, filled with connection, fun and peace, but for most of you it is not. It is often filled with drudgery, monotony, boredom, loneliness and sadness. Inside you know this is not needed, you know love and freedom to be yourself and follow your heart is needed. You know this, so you fight against what is.

The fight, the resistance, doesn’t serve you. It just upsets you, makes getting through the day even harder. It limits you, you feel restricted, annoyed, agitated and your emotions could spiral lower and turn into a bad mood, through which you then view the present as unacceptable, life as challenging and other people as obstacles to getting your tasks done.

When you drop into such a low vibration state, you can feel depressed about life and wonder if this is all it will ever be. But it won’t. It is changing all the time. You are healing each day and as you heal your vibration changes, and what you attract into your life changes. You are only where you are, because of your thinking and your emotional density. Let that go and you can be as light as a feather. Trusting life can be as easy as breathing, when your heart is heard and your body clear.

For most people this is a long way off. That’s okay. It just is. Your physical body could not cope with letting go of all the density in one moment. It would explode! It has to be done bit by bit, layer by layer, so your body and your thinking can adjust, so you can cope with it all.

Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) can help you to slowly ‘shake off’ all that built up tension, stress and trauma within. TRE is your body’s natural mechanism for releasing stress, tension and trauma. It activates a ‘shaking mechanism’ where your nervous system discharges all that stagnant energy stored in the body.

It opens you back up to flowing more freely, to being connected within, embodied, grounded, able to be present to the now, not tied up in the past or worrying about the future. When your body and nervous system calms it’s much easier to be present, to connect with others and enjoy what is occurring around you.

You will get there. It is your destiny to walk the Earth free from fear, restriction, hardship and poor health. You will shine brightly, have fun and follow your heart. You will still work, but it will be work you love, being of service to the whole in your unique way. You resist the now, fight against it, because you already want to be at the end place where life is more blissful.

hot air balloonBut know it is a  journey, it is meant to take time and even when you get to that blissful future place there will still be challenges and opportunities to grow and evolve further. That is life, that is evolution, that is how it is meant to be. You will just go through them more easily when you no longer fight against it. You simply accept what is and let it pass, knowing this too shall pass and brighter, more light filled times will come. They will.

You sense what is to come and want to be there NOW. No waiting, no stopping to pass go, now, now, now. In your impatience you create resistance, which actually slows it down. Your vibration drops, it is like hitting the pause button. Your future is hurtling towards you on a conveyor belt, good things are coming, they have to when your vibration is high. But if you get consistently upset, angry, depressed, frustrated, etc, your vibration drops and the conveyor belt slows. Your future is still coming, but slower, in a sense, because really it happens as it needs to. But you get the picture. Your emotions create resistance and this slows your ability to enjoy your now and to move into your future joyful states.

It is hard to explain in words. What is destined will be. It is pointless fighting against it or worrying about it. It will happen. What you can influence or change is how you feel during the journey to it. You can suffer if you choose negative feelings and thoughts or you can flow and be happy if you choose to just witness what is and trust what will come is what is needed, and it will be as it should be. TRUST. SURRENDER. HAVE FAITH. Know you don’t need to do anything in particular. What is set, is set. You just determine how you experience the ride. If we were you we would choose peace and joy. Why not? They feel great!

So don’t fight against what is, know it is a point in time leading you forth to what you do want. The now is a cleansing period for releasing what no longer serves you, so that your desired state can manifest. You know deep down that peace and harmony are your natural state and you can be that all the time if you accept what is and all aspects of life that occur. You don’t need to judge them, hate them, feel angry about whatever occurred or towards whoever was involved. Do what is needed to resolve the issue and balance back up to peace and joy.

In time you will do it automatically, because you won’t want to stay feeling any other way. You won’t let life events knock you around so much, as feeling good will be your top priority. You can do it and you will do it. It is just a stepping stone away from the cosmic perspective or a journey away this lifetime as you walk your path towards living with ease and grace.

So be thankful for what is, know that even the most challenging times are helping you clear out the emotional density and vibrational blocks, so that you can have what you want. You have lifetimes of density to release, oodles of fear and hate and density to release. It takes time. It takes a lot of time to release your judgements and conditioning, so you can walk freely, singing joyously, as you go about your day. Trust the process. Trust life and enjoy each moment. Blessed BE. Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (28 May 2016).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.