In the past rejection meant death, whether it was the witch hunts, the torture chamber or being left to fend for yourself in the wild as your tribe moved on without you. To be isolated and alone meant death, not just sadness and loss, death.
In today’s world rejection is less serious, a loss of a friend, a job, a group. They can easily be replaced. It is not life threatening. It only feels like it is or like something serious. In reality it is not.
The intensity of our fear of rejection depends on how much we were hurt when little. If our parents were there for us and we felt accepted, seen, heard and loved then we will have a sense of secure attachment, of love and safety when interacting with others.
But if our parents weren’t consistently available to us or our interactions with them led us to feel not seen, heard or accepted then we will have pain around interacting with others. If we felt rejected by our parents, not good enough for them, that is a deeply painful process to experience. It is this pain of not being loved and accepted fully by our parents, the devastation of that which then taints our interaction with others. We fear feeling that pain again.
But the reality is as an adult we are not dependent on others like we were as a child on our parents. We needed our parents to care for us, to provide for us. As adults we can give that to ourselves. So rejection is not as serious or life threatening any more. It is just the emotional pain of our past experiences with our parents that leads it to feel so serious.
We can do healing work to heal those wounds so that we feel more secure and safe within. We can meet our own needs and reconnect with our body, releasing the stress, tension and trauma, so that we feel safe and secure within and can be more relaxed and open with our interactions with others. When the wounds are healed it no longer feels so dangerous and we can react playfully and joyfully as we meet others, knowing we are safe and can have fun. Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) can help us to release those tensions and complete the old trauma activations freeing us to enjoy life more fully.
The reality is you may be rejected many times throughout your life. It may be lovers, it may be parents ashamed of your choices. It may be misunderstandings between friends or work colleagues. Do not react with anger or hurt, simply move on, accept it for what it is and move on.
While it feels like loss, like a forced change of direction or focus, it is actually occurring for your highest good. That person or situation has served you well. They have shaped the next chapter in your story. They have helped you redirect your efforts on to something or someone else. Not everyone will be in your life forever. People come and go, they grow and evolve, and their vibration shifts. If your vibrations conflict, you will part. It is not actually personal. It is energetic and it is meant to be.
A deep loss, of a loved one or parent or child for instance, may cripple you emotionally for quite some time. It helps you to release sadness and grief. It helps you question your life and what you are doing with it. This may lead you to listen to your heart more and do something you care more about, instead of just going through the motions, doing things that society tells you to do. The loss prompts significant change and it serves you. It is a gift not a tragedy. A gift, remember that, look for the good that comes out of all you experience and it is easier to accept.
A minor misunderstanding with someone you barely know, which results in the end of the blossoming friendship, shows you that rejection, while a little hurtful, isn’t the end of the world. Life goes on, your normal life is still in tact, just that person will no longer be a part of it. This shows you rejection is okay, there is no need to fear it so much or give your power away to other people so much.
You are actually okay on your own. You don’t need people as much as you think you do. It is not the ancient battle field or tribal village any more. There are large numbers of people out there who are willing to be your friend, your partner, your lover, your work colleagues. When the time is right you meet them. You don’t need to search, you don’t need to try and force it or effort it or think too much about it or what you will and won’t say so people will accept you and won’t hurt you, reject you, abandon or abuse you. Just be yourself. That is all you need to do. Those that are meant to join with you will. Those that aren’t, won’t. It is as simple as that. So stop walking on egg shells around other people. Be yourself and be proud.
Rejection is not a death sentence any more. It is simply one of many events in life that help shift your perspective and help you evolve, as you travel along this journey called life. Blessed BE, Amen.
4 thoughts on “Why do we fear rejection so much?”
I dont know how or why you friend requested me on facebook but i am sure glad you did. So many appropriate things for me to read on here. Thank you 😀
Thanks Anita, i’m so glad you are finding the information here useful and relevant to your own situation. Happy reading and many blessings, Jodi-Anne
What if you don’t choose to return? Are people forced? Manipulated? Guilt-tripped? Obligated? Can they just decide to be done with the exhausting task of furthering the soul’s evolution because they’ve just stopped caring about anything or anyone?
Hi D, we won’t know for sure until we cross over and go through the experience! My understanding is that soul’s who are tired and weary can rest and recover on the other side as long as they want to and they only return to Earth when they feel ready to have another lifetime. They are not forced to do so before they are ready. While on the other side we are bathed in love and healing energies. We get replenished and restored. The learning and healing continues on the other side in a gentler way. However, it is only through coming back to Earth to experience the duality of life do we get the chance to see if we can successfully implement what we have learned. In human terms, a lifetime seems long, hard and challenging but in the soul’s terms it is just a blink of an eye. It is one page in the big book of our lives. Some of those pages tell happy stories and some hard ones. We get to experience all possibilities. I hope you are well, best wishes, Jodi-Anne (P.S. If you are interested in this topic a great series of books to read is Michael Newton’s books titled Journey of Souls, Destiny of Souls and Wisdom of Souls.)