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Loss is part of life

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Personal development dictionary L-Z

IMG_0493In this dictionary you will find a range of words commonly used in our every day language along with some interesting ‘spiritual / personal development’ interpretations of their meaning. I’ve gathered these from a range of books including the Conversations with God collection by Neale Donald Walsch, God I am by Peter Erbe and people such as Hermann Muller who teaches Psychosomatic Therapy. The explanations are my own interpretations and may not necessarily be exactly what the authors intended. It is fascinating to see how powerful our language is!!

LYING – When you lie, you don’t speak or live your truth, you don’t let your inner light shine. Hence the light of your being and your truth ‘lies (lays) down’ on the ground and you can get walked over. Lying leads to fear of being caught out, fear of talking to other people too much in case you slip up and contradict yourself. It leads to a lot of energy being used up in trying to remember everything you lied about to all the different people you lied to. It’s exhausting! Hence you become vulnerable and more fearful. You can become depressed. It feels like you’re pushed down with a heavy load to carry. Drop the load, tell the truth and you will lift yourself up – let your light and truth shine.

PASSED AWAY – Is a term we use when someone has died. Likewise if you are constantly thinking about the past and living life negatively affected by what has already happened to you then your body passes away. Your body is constantly caught up in those negative feelings and is unable to experience the present unhindered. When we live life this way our bodies age more rapidly. Science has confirmed this – anger and upset feelings lead to more acidity in the body which damages the cells. We also know this intuitively which is why we call wrinkles worry lines. Let go of the past, heal and enjoy life. Learn to love yourself, life and others. When you live in the now your body doesn’t age so much. You can even appear to look younger.

RELEASE – when you release buried emotions and tension you feel ‘real ease’ within yourself.

RESPONSIBILITY – RESPONDING with ABILITY – we all have the responsibility for how we choose to live our life. Every day we make lots of decisions and we can choose actions that lead to growth and healing or not. It is up to us. When someone pushes your buttons don’t react automatically. Stop and ‘respond with ability’ – make a choice you will be proud of.

SATAN – Seeing Anything As Negative – the universe is abundant and will support us if we just accept its love and assistance. Many of us don’t. We think it’s a ‘dog eat dog’ world. We have to work hard to survive. These are all just choices and beliefs. All just thoughts that we can change at any time we choose too.

SEX – Synergistic Energy Exchange – sex allows two people to be truly intimate. To connect in a very deep level of intimacy – ‘in to me you see’. It enables the energies of the two people to interact and exchange. It is a beautiful life creating gift.

UNIFORMED – when all people act the same, conforming to society’s standards then everything is uniform. We lose the diversity of life. This is ‘un-informed’. Reality is very diverse. we are all individuals. Conforming is a ‘con’, it is a ‘form’ of denial of yourself.

That’s it for the dictionary……. hope you enjoyed it!

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Personal development dictionary E-K

heart radiate blue energyIn this dictionary you will find a range of words commonly used in our every day language along with some interesting ‘spiritual / personal development’ interpretations of their meaning. I’ve gathered these from a range of books including the Conversations with God collection by Neale Donald Walsch, God I am by Peter Erbe and people such as Hermann Muller who teaches Psychosomatic Therapy. The explanations are my own interpretations and may not necessarily be exactly what the authors intended. It is fascinating to see how powerful our language is!!

EGO – the ego directs where your Energy Goes – E-Go. Many people think the ego is bad and needs to be gotten rid off. This is impossible. It is a part of us and it is okay. The ego can be balanced and not misused. Your ego can be just as powerful doing good, helpful things for you as it can be for doing negative things when you’re not consciously aware of what you are doing.

FATE – From All Thoughts Everywhere – Our thoughts create our reality and what we experience. We are all made up of atoms of energy vibrating at a certain frequency. Our thoughts reflect our frequency of vibration and radiate out drawing in to us people, places, things and events that match our vibratory level. As you heal and ‘lighten up’ your vibratory level also lightens and therefore you attract in lighter, more harmonious events, people, places and things into your life. You create your own reality through your thoughts.

FEAR – False Emotion Appearing Real – fear is just the result of negative thinking. Fear helps us to avoid change and healing. Whatever you resist persists! So the longer you avoid facing your fears the longer they will remain. And they will get stronger because over time you will feel weaker, more incapable and more negative about yourself since you are still afraid. Fear, like illness, is designed to show you that something in your life is not aligned with love and your highest good. Fear enters your life to help you heal. If you face your fears, learn that there is nothing to be afraid of and move forward you will become fearless – more loving and trusting of your own ability to handle life and more trusting of life itself. You will learn to come from love – which is the opposite of fear.

GOD – Getting Over Denial – Many of the personal development and spirituality authors believe that we are all a part of god or if they don’t go so far as to say that they say we are all capable of becoming like god. In essence what they are saying is that we all have the potential to do whatever we want in our lives. We can all choose to be good, loving people helping ourselves and others. We can all have success, happiness, love, peace and harmony. However, we have to create it. There is no god out there directing our lives. We are the director. We are the one in control. We have total free will in this universe – we can do what we want. It is up to us.

HOLY SPIRIT – the ‘whole I spirit’. When you heal and embrace all parts of yourself you become whole. We all have the potential to behave in all ways. Many of us try to separate from or disown the parts of us that we judge as negative. For example we may try to push away or bury the parts of us that are judgmental, jealous, angry, sarcastic, or nasty. Yet those emotions and forms of behaviour are a part of being human. Each emotion is trying to tell us something, to make us aware that there is something about our experience in life that we don’t like, that isn’t in line with our highest good. We can learn from this. As we do so we learn to embrace all the parts of ourself as we heal and become whole. We let go of fear and can come from love in all things that we do. We become able to acknowledge that we are ‘wholly spirit’.

IDENTITY – is the ID also known as the personality covering the ENTITY or soul during its experience of being human. We are not our bodies or our mind. We are larger than that. We may think we are our bodies or our minds and judge ourself based on those, but they are not our true self. Many people believe in reincarnation, where the soul enters a body each lifetime so that it can experience physicality and all the challenges of being on Earth. This occurs so that we can learn all there is about life – to go through a wide range of experiences learning to let go of fear, to love ourself and others, to realise that we are all connected and the universe supports us in our efforts. To some this may seem like absolute rubbish – that’s fine. To others it will ring true. That’s fine too.

INCURABLE – Curable from withIN – Doctors often suggest that some diseases are not treatable by medicine – that they are incurable. People labelled with incurable diseases often feel that there is nothing that can be done. That they are doomed to die from the disease which has been classed as terminal. The findings of quantum physics experiments, spirituality and healing modalities would suggest otherwise. Many people have cured themselves of terminal cancer and other diseases. They do so by working within themselves – to heal all their hurts, painful emotions and experiences from the past. The memories of these past events is stored in the cells of your body and if you don’t release the emotion or face how you really feel then it can lead to dis-ease – your body is not at ease and it is trying to get your attention. For a great example of someone who has cured themselves of cancer read Brandon Bay’s book ‘The Journey’.

INNOCENCE – My INNER SENSE – following your intuition and letting what is inside of you out without modification results in being at peace with yourself and the world. It is very powerful. However, it can be challenging to do as the majority of people in society follow conditioned patterns of behaviour and unwritten rules. To stand outside of these and honour yourself can often be a lonely place to start with. As you progress you will meet like minded souls.

INTIMACY – IN TO ME SEE – seeing myself more clearly and allowing others to see my true self. We often hide who we are out of fear of being rejected by others. We may think that if people truly knew who we were deep down inside they wouldn’t like us. This is really sad. As a result of these fears we interact on a very shallow, surface level talking about the weather, jobs and other ‘safe’ items. We don’t discuss deep and meaningful issues, our fears, our hopes, dreams and aspirations. We don’t get to know the true essence of each other. This can lead us to feel alone even when we are with other people. True intimacy requires taking the risk of letting people really get to know you. Showing them who you really are. When you do this it can be scary to start with, but ultimately it is extremely rewarding as you really feel known, honoured, heard and loved by those you interact with. As you learn to love and accept yourself you will radiate this energy out which enables others to love and accept you more. The outer world reflects your inner world!!

I will share more examples in the next post!

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Personal development dictionary A-D

In this dictionary you will find a range of words commonly used in our every day language along with some interesting ‘spiritual / personal development’ interpretations of their meaning. I’ve gathered these from a range of books including the Conversations with God collection by Neale Donald Walsch, God I am by Peter Erbe and people such as Hermann Muller who teaches Psychosomatic Therapy. The explanations are my own interpretations and may not necessarily be exactly what the authors intended. It is fascinating to see how powerful our language is!!

ADULT – As adults we have ADULTERATED our innocence (inner sense), changed it to fit in with others. Hence we don’t express ourselves. We behave – ‘be’ and ‘have’ what others ‘have’ and ‘be’ so that they feel comfortable around us.

ALONENESS – Many of us find it hard to spend time alone, especially in silence. We feel lonely and that feels like torture! This occurs when you don’t really like the person you are alone with – yourself!! As you heal and learn to accept and love yourself, spending time alone is great. You love the time to connect with your inner-self, to hear your thoughts, listen to your desires, to feel your feelings and to take action to create the life you want. You feel whole and connected to yourself, life and the universe. Hence aloneness becomes a beautiful experience of ‘All Oneness’.

ATONE – Some people talk about a need to atone for their sins. From a personal development point of view there are no sins – only learning opportunities. We learn that we don’t feel good about ourself when we do something that hurts others or ourself. We learn over time that hurting someone else just hurts me.

In this sense we are ‘at one’ with others. So to atone is to accept and live your life knowing that you are connected to others – that we are all one. Science shows that this is true in the sense that we are all breathing out dead cells and atoms from our body creating a soup of DNA, energy and information in the air. Each of us breathes some of this in and uses the atoms and energy in the air to create new cells in our body. Hence we all contain atoms and energy that have been in other people’s bodies. We truly are all connected! Spiritual authors also say that there is only one energy – that everything in the universe is made from this energy which is God – hence we are all ‘at one’ just experiencing life here on Earth.

BARGAIN – to bargain is to ‘bar gain’ from entering our life. Money can be seen as another way of expressing love. When we haggle down prices we are withholding love from those we are interacting with. We are coming from a focus on lack – a belief that there isn’t enough money or love so we need to be careful with it, stingy with it. We become reluctant to give and protect ourself. If everyone does this then the flow of money and love slows down. Life becomes more grim. Hence we diminish the likelihood that ‘gain’ will come into our life – when we don’t give freely we don’t receive freely! The world’s poorest nations are the ones where bargaining has become a way of life. Where withholding love from one’s brother has become the accepted norm and a cause of poverty. If you bargain down the price of an item from $100 to $80, then in your mind you will only value it as worth $80. Hence you lose out on $20 worth of enjoyment. Worse according to Peter Erbe author of God I am, you create an energy imbalance of $20 which means you will either lose the item, break it or experience some other loss or bill for the $20 plus interest later on. Peter claims that this is the universal law of compensation. He says that if someone offers you a discount without you asking then that is okay as you haven’t withheld your love – you still give freely what is asked. So to receive freely love, energy and all good things in life you have to give them away freely too. You have to trust the universe is abundant and will support you. Peter claims that whatever you do this with comes back to you in greater amount. However, if you give only so that you get more, it doesn’t work. You have to truly give freely with no expectation. This concept is a hard one for many of us who have experienced lack and poverty to swallow. However he claims and so do many others that it does work. The more you heal and accept yourself, you come from love. As you do this you see more love around you in the world. You realise that you don’t need material objects to make you happy and you’re happier with and grateful for whatever you do have. From this frame of mind it is easier to imagine giving freely and not being so self concerned, protective or self centred.

BEHAVIOUR – I change what I ‘be’ and ‘have’ to what ‘U R’ so that you will accept me. In doing so I lose contact with who I am. Often if we swallow what we would like to say or don’t do what we really would like to do, it feels horrible. It feels like a small death. In a sense it is. As every time we don’t honour our true self, we are dishonouring ourself. Internally we are flooded with ‘bad’ feelings – sadness or anger at ourself or the situation. We lose touch with our true self. We are all individuals and we are all therefore different. It’s meant to be that way!! Learning to love and accept yourself, to fully express yourself and to be who you really are at all times is part of your challenge here on Earth. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks about you – it’s only what you think about you that matters.

BELIEVE – What I ‘BE’ and ‘LIVE’ – knowing a concept like trust or self love is not worth much, it is only when you actually practice it in your life, that you really believe it.

CONFUSION – we are confused when we are ‘fused’ with our old beliefs which ‘con’ us into believing in lack, evil, scarcity – that the world is a harsh place. We may be set in our ways of thinking yet know that things aren’t working the way we want them to. We don’t know what to do about it – we feel confused. We need to un-focus from our old values and refocus on the greater reality – see the good in life. Confusion leads to a process of reorientation.

CRISIS – “Christ Is” – We learn and heal through crisis and pain. Without disruption to our lives many people would not take the time and effort to heal from their past hurts and focus on their personal growth – they try to ignore it and keep the past buried. Life is not going to be easy all the time. We all face challenges and can grow from them. Some people think they are being punished by God when something that they see as ‘bad’ happens to them. They’re not. It is a chance for growth. God, Christ, the Angels and Ascended Masters support us through such processes, helping us to find the strength to go on. This is aptly summarised in the saying “People turn to God when their foundations are shaking, Only to find that it is God who is shaking them”.

DEVIL – Denying Everything Valuable In Life – not seeing the perfection in everything – living life backwards – LIVED. Many of the personal development and spirituality authors believe that there is no devil. No such thing as evil. No judgement by God – only love and acceptance. It is we who judge ourself. It is we who create negative situations in our life by our thoughts and actions. If we get caught up in only seeing the negative in life we can spiral downwards into depression – it is our thoughts that create this. To overcome it we need to change our thoughts, start noticing and appreciating the good things that exist in the world and in our selves and our lives. Everything that happens to us occurs to help us awaken to love and let go of fear. If we don’t listen we have to attract larger lessons to help us. When you truly understand this and experience how it works and heal it becomes easier to see that everything is happening perfectly and the universe truly does support us – once we love and support ourselves!!

DISEASE – Dis Ease – when we are not at ease with ourself – we become ill. All dis-ease comes to us to help us realise something about ourself. To get our attention so that we wake up and change aspects of our life that are not in line with love and our highest good. Speak your truth, release buried emotions, heal, come from a place of love, do what you enjoy in life and you will be at ease. Choose to grow and develop – take action and do it – then you don’t need to attract in disease or other wake up calls.

DOUBT – Driving Ourselves Unconscious By Thinking – We are all beautiful human beings capable of doing amazing things. However many of us have been told or made to feel that we’re not good enough by other people. Unfortunately many of us now believe that about ourself. We may want to try new things, to change jobs, to start a new hobby or sport, but we feel doubt and fear and we allow this to stop us. The events themselves do not have any power – it is our thoughts about them – what we say to ourself that creates doubt and gives objects or people our power. In healing we learn to take our power back and to stop negative thoughts and self criticism. We learn to overcome doubt and fear and do things anyway. Knowing that we won’t get it perfect the first time, no-one does, and that we will get better at what ever we choose to do the more we do it.

I will share more examples in the upcoming posts…….

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Conscious Evolution Personal Development Uncategorized

Snippets of wisdom…

Snippets of wisdom channeled July 2013.

Follow your heart. It will lead you where you most need to go – to be on purpose, on love and on bliss. For you can have these feelings all the time if you allow it.

Listen to your heart it will tell you what you need to do to have health, happiness and inner peace.So breathe into your heart. Visualise golden light awakening and enlivening it and let that light shine forth – soothing and awakening all souls you come in contact with. Spread love and light wherever you go and you will be a powerful servant of God – without even uttering a word.

You don’t have to have the answers or any knowledge. Just an open heart, that is all that is needed. Needed so much in all of society. Blessed BE. Light the way and enjoy each and every day as you live your life in gratitude and joy for all things.

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Healing from child abuse Health Self help techniques Uncategorized

When you’ve hit rock bottom, here’s what to do….

Here is a short video, 11:22 mins, of Jessica Ortner (from The Tapping Solution) interviewing Sonia Ricotti (author of the book Unsinkable). It is a fabulous summary of what to do when you feel like you have hit rock bottom and you are stuck. Sonia reminds us that fighting ‘what is’ leads to negative emotions and keeps us caught in our story, our interpretation and judgement of the events. Instead she encourages us to accept ‘what is’ and ‘surrender’. When you do this you allow yourself  to feel and release any emotions around the situation. This creates more space inside you, which enables peace and clarity. From here you can start to see what actions you could take to help yourself move forward.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=c-sQqb_mrMk]

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Conscious evolution – an example through story – The Celestine Prophecy

celestine prophecyThe Celestine Prophecy and the follow on books by James Redfield are a great example of conscious evolution and the process that we all must go through as we open up to our intuition and living life according to synchronicities and flow. Through out the novels James explains his understanding of the way the Universe works and how we are all evolving. It contains great wisdom and every time I read them it reminds me at a deeper level of the beauty and mysteries of life. It helps me to reset my sail and tune in on a deeper level to my internal guidance. I love his books and the insights that come from them. Below is a list of the Celestine Insights and some short videos – one of James Redfield discussing his most recent book in the series titled ‘The twelfth Insight’ published in 2011 and the trailer to the Celestine Prophecy movie which was released in 2006.

The Celestine Insights

Here is a copy of his Celestine Insights as published on – http://www.celestinevision.com/insights.html.

THE FIRST INSIGHT . . . A CRITICAL MASS – A new spiritual awakening is occurring in human culture, an awakening brought about by a critical mass of individuals who experience their lives as a spiritual unfolding, a journey in which we are led forward by mysterious coincidences.

THE SECOND INSIGHT . . . THE LONGER NOW – This awakening represents the creation of a new, more complete worldview, which replaces a five-hundred-year-old preoccupation with secular survival and comfort. While this technological preoccupation was an important step, our awakening to life’s coincidences is opening us up to the real purpose of human life on this planet, and the real nature of our universe.

THE THIRD INSIGHT . . . A MATTER OF ENERGY – We now experience that we live not in a material universe, but in a universe of dynamic energy. Everything extant is a field of sacred energy that we can sense and intuit. Moreover, we humans can project our energy by focusing our attention in the desired direction…where attention goes, energy flows…influencing other energy systems and increasing the pace of coincidences in our lives.

THE FOURTH INSIGHT . . . THE STRUGGLE FOR POWER – Too often humans cut themselves off from the greater source of this energy and so feel weak and insecure. To gain energy we tend to manipulate or force others to give us attention and thus energy. When we successfully dominate others in this way, we feel more powerful, but they are left weakened and often fight back. Competition for scarce, human energy is the cause of all conflict between people.

THE FIFTH INSIGHT . . . THE MESSAGE OF THE MYSTICS – Insecurity and violence ends when we experience an inner connection with divine energy within, a connection described by mystics of all traditions. A sense of lightness–buoyancy–along with the constant sensation of love are measures of this connection. If these measures are present, the connection is real. If not, it is only pretended.

THE SIXTH INSIGHT . . . CLEARING THE PAST – The more we stay connected, the more we are acutely aware of those times when we lose connection, usually when we are under stress. In these times, we can see our own particular way of stealing energy from others. Once our manipulations are brought to personal awareness, our connection becomes more constant and we can discover our own growth path in life, and our spiritual mission–the personal way we can contribute to the world.

THE SEVENTH INSIGHT . . . ENGAGING THE FLOW – Knowing our personal mission further enhances the flow of mysterious coincidences as we are guided toward our destinies. First we have a question; then dreams, daydreams, and intuitions lead us towards the answers, which usually are synchronistically provided by the wisdom of another human being.

THE EIGHTH INSIGHT . . . THE INTERPERSONAL ETHIC – We can increase the frequency of guiding coincidences by uplifting every person that comes into our lives. Care must be taken not to lose our inner connection in romantic relationships. Uplifting others is especially effective in groups where each member can feel energy of all the others. With children it is extremely important for their early security and growth. By seeing the beauty in every face, we lift others into their wisest self, and increase the chances of hearing a synchronistic message.

THE NINTH INSIGHT . . .THE EMERGING CULTURE – As we all evolve toward the best completion of our spiritual missions, the technological means of survival will be fully automated as humans focus instead on synchronistic growth. Such growth will move humans into higher energy states, ultimately transforming our bodies into spiritual form and uniting this dimension of existence with the after-life dimension, ending the cycle of birth and death.

tenth insightTHE TENTH INSIGHT . . . HOLDING THE VISION – The Tenth Insight is the realization that throughout history human beings have been unconsciously struggling to implement this lived spirituality on Earth. Each of us comes here on assignment, and as we pull this understanding into consciousness, we can remember a fuller birth vision of what we wanted to accomplish with our lives. Further we can remember a common world vision of how we will all work together to create a new spiritual culture. We know that our challenge is to hold this vision with intention and prayer everyday.

Eleventh insightTHE ELEVENTH INSIGHT . . . EXTENDING PRAYER FIELDS – The Eleventh Insight is the precise method through which we hold the vision. For centuries, religious scriptures, poems, and philosophies have pointed to a latent power of mind within all of us that mysteriously helps to affect what occurs in the future. It has been called faith power, positive thinking, and the power of prayer. We are now taking this power seriously enough to bring a fuller knowledge of it into public awareness. We are finding that this prayer power is a field of intention, which moves out from us and can be extended and strengthened, especially when we connect with others in a common vision. This is the power through which we hold the vision of a spiritual world and build the energy in ourselves and in others to make this vision a reality.

James doesn’t list what the twelfth insight is yet, but he provides this introduction to it on the twelfth insight webpage – http://www.thetwelfthinsight.com/

the twelfth insightTHE TWELFTH INSIGHT . . . ?????  – I believe  a new, very exciting time is beginning in human history. I call it the 12th Insight. The Mayan Calendar calls it the Ninth Wave of Creation. But whatever it is called, it is a new clarity about the nature of the universe, and how we, as individuals, can put spiritual knowledge into very practical application to find a higher path through life. Think about it. We have been pursuing spiritual knowledge in a mass way for decades. And finally we’ve reached the clarity to put it into action, to live it everyday! As we act individually, we create together a new cultural  approach to life that is the key to solving all the problems facing human society. I believe we can already sense what is occurring. There is a new call for civility and honesty in politics and business. It’s the new urge we feel to live a more authentic life of integrity. The emerging Twelfth Insight represents a spiritual life that the best of every religious tradition has always held true, and that, in fact, points the way toward peace. There has never been a more exciting time to be alive. In spite of all our problems, this new awareness can be contagious, moving from person to person and can resolve everything. We just have to consciously share the truth of what we are doing. Remember, it’s not the end times. We’re just beginning. It’s morning in the world!

[youtube=http://youtu.be/JsjjfoTJrD4]

The Celestine Prophecy Movie

James Redfield’s first book the Celestine Prophecy was made into a movie several years ago now. It is a good summary but of course like all movies it can only contain some of the material from the book and some of its wisdom. It is well worth a watch and the books are well worth reading once, twice or many times! Here is the movie trailer.

[youtube=http://youtu.be/yUdDvrAFI1k]

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Healing from child abuse Self help techniques Uncategorized

Creating self-forgiving thoughts exercise

This exercise helps you to learn how to talk nicely to yourself when you do something you’re not very happy with yourself about. Instead of criticising yourself it shows you how to think self-forgiving thoughts. You don’t need to scold or punish yourself when you do something in a lesser way than you’d like. You can actually choose to be compassionate to yourself instead – it’s up to you!!

In this exercise, you create a set of columns and rows – a matrix (as outlined below). Then you use this matrix to reorient your thoughts and feelings from self-attacking thoughts to self-forgiving thoughts. An example showing how the process works is included below.

Here is the format:

Distressing Situation

Distressing Feelings

Self-Attacking Thoughts

Self-Forgiving Thoughts

Example

A few seconds ago, I knocked a cup of coffee onto my computer. For me, that counts as a distressing situation. Therefore, it’s a good experience to plug into the matrix. Here is how I began to fill in the boxes.

Distressing Situation

Distressing Feelings

Self-Attacking Thoughts

Self-Forgiving Thoughts

I spilled my coffee onto my computer

Frustration

Guilt

Nervousness

In the first column, I simply describe the situation. In the second column, I make a list of some of my feelings: in this case, frustration (with myself), guilt (about my mistake), and nervousness (about the repercussions of the situation). I find it helpful to make this feeling list. By naming our specific feelings, we bring them up into awareness. We take ourselves out of denial. We reduce the tendency to ‘squash things down’.

Next, we use our feelings to move on to the underlying thoughts. The relationship between feelings and thoughts is like the relationship between smoke and fire. Distressing feelings are the smoke. Distressing thoughts are the fires that give rise to the smoke. In this case, where there’s smoke, there is fire – where there are distressing feelings, there are distressing thoughts underneath. In column three, we uncover the thoughts that are fuelling the feelings. Here is what I came up with.

Distressing Situation

Distressing Feelings

Self-Attacking Thoughts

Self-Forgiving Thoughts

I spilled my coffee onto my computer

Frustration

Guilt

Nervousness

That was such a dumb thing to do. I should be more careful. My computer is probably going to break now, and it’s all my fault. I’ll probably have to pay a lot of money to fix it. People are going to laugh at me if they see how careless I am.

As you can see, I uncovered three sets of self-attacking thoughts in column three. I probably could have come up with many more – but these were a good start. Writing them out in the matrix was extremely helpful. To be honest, I wasn’t even aware of these thoughts until I wrote them out. As I filled in this third column, the key was to realise that my feelings (in column two) were coming from my thoughts (in column three), not simply from the situation. You could say that the situation was a ‘trigger’ for the thoughts. I’m certainly not glad that I spilled coffee on my computer. But it was the thoughts that I needed to work on now.

Let’s move to column four – the heart of this exercise. In the final column of the matrix, you substitute self-forgiving thoughts for each of the self-attacking thoughts in column three. This is the big step. This turns the mind from self-criticism to self-forgiveness; from distress to peace. As you do this, you can focus on simply moving in the right direction. You don’t have to take a huge leap into complete forgiveness; you can take a series of little steps. Every bit of progress is helpful. Here is what I came up with, as I made this substitution.

Distressing Situation

Distressing Feelings

Self-Attacking Thoughts

Self-Forgiving Thoughts

I spilled my coffee onto my computer

Frustration

Guilt

Nervousness

That was such a dumb thing to do. I should be more careful. My computer is probably going to break now, and it’s all my fault. I’ll probably have to pay a lot of money to fix it. People are going to laugh at me if they see how careless I am.

It wasn’t a dumb thing to do; it was simply an accident; And besides – my worth isn’t dependent on how ‘careful’ I am. Actually the computer seems fine. But even if I do need to repair the computer, I can do that in a self-forgiving state of mind. If people laugh at me, that’s their problem. Everyone makes mistakes at times.

Those self-forgiving thoughts may not have been the ‘highest’ thoughts in the world, but they helped me to shift my mind toward a more self-forgiving space. As I did that, the feelings of frustration, guilt, and nervousness were replaced – to some degree – by a greater sense of peace and self-acceptance. That is the goal of this exercise.

I find that this ‘cognitive restructuring’ work – replacing self-attacking thoughts with self-forgiving thoughts – is like priming a pump. We locate our self-attacking thoughts, and replace them with self-forgiving thoughts. We do this mechanical work over and over until the flow of loving, forgiving thoughts begins to run on its own. There is some work to do at the beginning, but we’re simply preparing our minds to receive the divine flow.

Conclusion:

Use this exercise whenever you catch yourself thinking self-attacking thoughts. Change them into self-forgiving thoughts. Over time you will find that your thinking automatically becomes self-forgiving whenever you do anything you are not 100% happy with yourself about. It will eventually become habit.

(This exercise comes from: Joseph D, 2004, The Matrix, Living Now, September 2004, Queensland issue 66, p22)

Your turn

Distressing Situation

Distressing Feelings

Self-Attacking Thoughts

Self-Forgiving Thoughts

Categories
Healing from child abuse Self help techniques Uncategorized

Personal bill of rights

Put this page in a place you’ll see it regularly. By taking the time to carefully read through the list every day, you will learn to accept that you are entitled to each one of the rights listed. Whenever a thought occurs that contradicts one of your rights, stop the thought process & correct yourself, saying “I know that’s what I used to think, but I now know & accept that I have the right to …………”. In time, you will come to know your rights off by heart & if anyone behaves in a way that infringes upon them this knowledge will help you to know their action is inappropriate & you can then stand up for yourself & your rights.

  1. I have the right to ask for what I want.
  2. I have the right to say no to requests or demands I can’t meet.
  3. I have the right to express all of my feelings, positive or negative.
  4. I have the right to change my mind.
  5. I have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect.
  6. I have the right to follow my own values and standards.
  7. I have the right to say no to anything when I feel I am not ready, it is unsafe, or it violates my values.
  8. I have the right to determine my own priorities.
  9. I have the right not to be responsible for others’ behaviour, actions, feelings, or problems.
  10. I have the right to expect honesty from others.
  11. I have the right to be angry at someone I love.
  12. I have the right to be uniquely myself.
  13. I have the right to feel scared and say “I’m afraid”.
  14. I have the right to say “I don’t know”.
  15. I have the right not to give excuses or reasons for my behaviour.
  16. I have the right to make decisions based on my feelings.
  17. I have the right to my own needs for personal space and time.
  18. I have the right to be playful and frivolous.
  19. I have the right to be healthier than those around me.
  20. I have the right to be in a non-abusive environment.
  21. I have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people.
  22. I have the right to change and grow.
  23. I have the right to have my needs and wants respected by others.
  24. I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect.
  25. I have the right to be happy.

 (From: Bourne E, 2000,The anxiety & phobia workbook, 3rd edition, New Harbinger Publications Inc. Canada)