Month: July 2015

Loving a situation into peace

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Healing from child abuse, Self help techniques

When feeling blue it is tempting to look for something to fix and change, to push the low feelings away. However, that doesn’t work – it’s a form of rejecting ourselves and our feelings – which just makes us feel worse. Instead we need to sit with and feel our feelings, then they will shift. This is the advice my higher self gave me on how to love a situation into peace (5 Nov 2014).

Life will always have its ups and downs. You are learning not to let them get you off centre and if they do to balance up quickly. No need for fix-it mode. It is a normal reaction to be upset to challenging situations – just honour your feelings and body’s needs and turn your thoughts positively as soon as you can. You exhaust yourself by pushing to heal, by judging your reaction as not okay and desiring joyous feelings straight away. Instead of fighting / changing what is – love it, love it into peace. That will nourish you, instead of exhaust you.

Peaceful-Radio-slider-1How do I love a situation into peace?

Accept it. Acknowledge it as a part of your evolutionary growth, leading you somewhere higher/brighter. It is helping you evolve, clearing out residue. Accept the stuckness or low feelings and trust it will alter when it is meant to. Ask your higher self and the Angels to assist you in finding balance within. Breathe in coloured light, talk to your sub-personalities – comfort yourself / selves. Send love to your heart and mind.

Do these things to honour yourself, comfort yourself – not to fix / change. It is about loving what is, knowing it will change in time. It is a receiving / accepting process, not an active / forceful process.

What constitutes a healthy relationship?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Conscious Evolution, Relationships

A healthy relationship is one in which both parties attain greater wisdom and self awareness. This occurs through using all situations to reflect on their conditioning and subconscious beliefs. The beloved is a mirror to your consciousness showing you your areas for growth and insight. Each triggers the other to provide them with the opportunity to heal and grow together towards the light and God-likeness.

It is a dance of growth, a sharing, a connected togetherness. It is not a clingy we, but a grander version of you and I. Together they dance and sing through life helping each other to grow. They share their insights, their feelings and dreams. They share their inner most thoughts and have no fear of rejection as they know the other does the same, and together they look after each others vulnerability. You hold my hand and I hold yours. I choose to be here for you and you choose to be here for me too.

It is a mutual reciprocity of love and acceptance. They see each others potential for growth and improvement, but rather than judge harshly, they love who the person is now and see them expanding/evolving into their authentic self. They love the person fully which enables the other to feel safe enough to be themselves. They let their defenses down and can be in touch with their heart, their true authentic self and become that in the world.

It is an honoring of two souls who have come together to share and learn. There may be challenges, but they are seen as an opportunity for reflection and growth, to get to know the inner workings of each other at a new level.

These relationships are common, not rare. However they are often overlooked as too easy or simple. We have been conditioned as human beings to look for Mr Right / Mrs Right, the perfect one to meet all our needs and rescue us from our life. Prince Charming and Cinderella type stories. But this is not love, this is not real life. For that type of rescuing does not help you grow. It is an unhealthy relationship where the Prince is a pseudo-parent figure taking responsibility and the damsel in distress stays a weak, dependent child. That is not an example of a healthy relationship.

A better example would be Hansel and Gretel who are not needy, but co-exist, they live together and grow together day by day. I hear you all shouting but they are brother and sister. Yes, these relationships that support growth can be siblings or friends. It doesn’t have to be just romantic partnerships. Let go of the fantasy of romance. It is fine as a concept, but know that it fades, know that as you get to know your partner you will see things you don’t like. It is meant to be that way. The honeymoon phase of the relationship has to end for the true inner work to happen.

When you are pushing each others buttons that is when insight can occur. You can reflect on when else in life have you felt that same way. You may realise your parents treated you in a similar manner and you adopted a belief about yourself as a result. If you no longer want to attract that same kind of treatment change your belief about yourself and what you will attract will change. Learn to set boundaries and speak your truth about how you do want to be treated and make sure you are treating yourself that way. Do you really love and respect yourself? Do you meet your own emotional needs? Do you take care of yourself well? If you don’t it is madness to expect someone else will.

Do your inner work to heal and find peace and your life will be much more peaceful and balanced. There are many ways to centre and ground yourself to go within, to connect with your heart and inner guidance. One way I have found particuarly useful at clearing out stress, tension and trauma so that I can sit in stillness and listen within for my truth and guidance is Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE). It helps to move your body out of reactivity – anger, fear – back down into calm relating where it is easier to connect with others heart to heart.

A healthy relationship is one where each party takes responsibility for healing their own issues and meet together in wholeness.

They don’t judge or project their stuff onto each other. Instead they share what they have learned and give thanks for the support they give to each other. They thank God for their lives and the chance to evolve and grow. They stay open to change knowing life will guide them forward to higher and higher levels of growth and service to the whole.

They are interdependent, capable of being on their own, but choosing to be together. There is no neediness or dependency, and if a time comes when one decides to go their separate ways, they celebrate what they have shared and walk away without regrets. They know each will find the next person they are to learn and grow with when the time is right. There are no guaranteed commitments for life. Couples stay together while they have more to learn from each other. When the learning is done they may go their separate ways. There is no fear of this, just trust and love.

For a healthy person knows they will always be connected energetically to their loved ones no matter how far they roam and it is their connection with them self and God that really counts. Those are the true, permanent commitments and they are the only ones you need. Blessed BE. Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (18 June 2015).

Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and HEALING FROM CHILD ABUSE pages of this website.

The difference between our higher self and our soul

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Conscious Evolution

I asked my higher self what the difference was between it and my soul. This is what I channeled (7 Aug 2014).

Source: http://www.kuthumi-hands.com
Source: http://www.kuthumi-hands.com

Your soul is your larger existence, the consciousness that is evolving and is at a certain stage of awakening based on all of your life experiences. I, the higher self, am the awakened one, the aware one, the part of you that still knows God. Your soul is the sum total of all the jigsaw pieces you have collected (so to speak) and I am the whole completed puzzle.

You become me as you become all that is. I am the completed one, the bigger picture guiding you forth. Your soul is the sum total so far, it has wounds to heal from past lives, gifts to uncover from them too, much to learn and integrate. I hope this is sufficiently clear for you to understand.

Yes, thank you. And talking to my soul is different to this?

Yes very different. You need to tune into your soul and connect with it to get its messages. You can write them like this just be clear in your intent. Amen.

My soul?

Yes, I do want to talk to you. I’m scared by your progress. I still fear going too fast, too much too quickly. I’d rather hide and avoid the truth. Each lifetime you clear some of this and open up further, become more willing to live in God’s light and soul. Me i’m still hesitant.

Why?

Because it is emotionally painful going through the lessons. I know it is a game and not really real, but it still hurts. I’m tired from it all. I’d rather not play, but you push forth each time determined to progress quickly and enhance your status, which doesn’t even exist. It is all silly, very silly. I’d rather just BE.

What can I do to make it easier for you?

Fly home occasionally to the temple of light and be recharged. John of God will help a lot, connecting you with Source more. No need to second guess these messages. TRUST. It is all okay. It is me you are evolving. Your higher self knows all is okay. I’m the one who doesn’t know it fully / completely. Be with me. Look after me. Send love and light to me. I need it too. Thank you for listening.

[Note: Jodi-Anne attended the John of God event in Sydney 2014 and received multiple healings that enabled her to let go of much of her fear and open up to sharing these messages with humanity. While still hesitant she is ready to move forward and has done so continuously. She purchased a John of God crystal light bed which helps a person to release their baggage and awaken to their true self. She uses this regularly and soon will open it up for clients to use as well.]

Why is divorce so common?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Personal Development, Relationships

Divorce occurs when two people lose their heart connection, their openness and willingness to be vulnerable with each other. They no longer feel safe enough, held enough, to express their truth. Fears and judgements come in and walls or defensive barriers come up, creating distance between them.

It is like they are on opposite sides of the room unable to touch and unable to find their way back to each other. For some this leads to sadness and despair. For others, it leads to anger and rejection. They push the partner further away in the false belief that it makes them safer, less vulnerable if they are creating the distance.

Usually, the love for each other isn’t actually lost. It’s just hidden away behind all of the emotional hurts and disappointments, the sense of loss and failure, the sense of not being enough, of having been naive to believe in the other person and your relationship.

Basically, grief takes over and becomes the dominant feeling. If a person doesn’t know how to process their grief and keep their heart open then they may drop into anger, rage, resentment or into collapse, depression, shut-down, numbness or they may escape literally leaving or fleeing in their mind dissociating from it all, pretending it’s not happening or distracting themself with addictions and other distractions.

If they could talk openly, genuinely, about how they feel and what had led to the distance between them, then they may find their way back to their heart-felt connection, their love for each other, but many don’t do this. They simply part not realising their love for each other is still there deep within.

It is a really painful process to let go of that which you’ve loved and treasured most deeply in your life. Devastating for the partners and even worse for the kids.

Before separating it is worth doing whatever you can to find your way back to your heart, to your truth and to speak openly and honestly with your partner. At least then you know you have done all that you can. If your partner isn’t willing to open up, to hear you, to speak their truth, then there’s not much you can do. Sending them love, doing loving things for them can help, but you may not be able to do this due to your own hurt.

Basically, we are wanting to soften the defence mechanisms, to bridge the distance between you, to bring you back closer together. This requires both parties to be willing to look within, to feel and to heal. It is vulnerable to do this, especially when you’re already feeling hurt.

Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) can help to shift some of the tension and stress you’re experiencing. It can help you release some of the contraction, the trauma so that you can access your heart again, your body’s wisdom and intuitive guidance. It can help you both to meet and talk from the heart, rather than from the head and ego.

TRE is well worth doing alongside self-reflection and other healing activities. These can be done on your own or under the support of a counsellor or TRE provider to assist you to find more balance, more calm and to be able to access a deeper level of knowing what you need to do next as guided by your inner self, your true essence. That will guide you more effectively than the mind and its’ ego judgements.

Divorce is not inevitable. It’s a choice people make when they see no other way forward together. Make sure you have explored all possibilities for reconnection before divorcing so you don’t have regrets or what-if questioning later on. You know in your heart what you want most. Take the risk to listen within and follow your heart’s guidance.

If after doing all this it is clear it is time to part then do so with ease, with grace, knowing that whatever and whoever is in line with your highest good will come when the time is right.

You may need to be alone for some time to heal, to start to open up and take risks again before you will be willing to let someone close. Honour your needs.

Divorce is common because it is an easy option when two people no longer feel in love. What they don’t realise is their relationship was bound to fail if they expected the other person to complete them and make them happy. That is impossible. Each has to complete themselves, find inner peace and happiness within themselves. Then two whole people can come together and share with each other, supporting each other’s continual growth. They can share their joy and love as it is overflowing from each other.

When couples join from a needy space, a space of I’m lacking something and I hope you will fix it, it doesn’t work. Temporarily it will seem to work, that your prayers have been answered, but it is false illusion. Eventually, the rose-tinted glasses will fade and you will judge the other person as not good enough, as problematic. When in reality they are fine. You are just projecting your own unfinished business onto them. You feel not good enough, so you project it out and judge them as that too. When you love and accept yourself completely it is easy to love and accept others too.

You don’t judge them as you recognise it is none of your business what the other person does. You don’t control them because you are not needy and your happiness doesn’t depend on what they do. You could walk away easily but you don’t because you enjoy watching the other grow and you don’t take their actions personally. You know what they do is a reflection of their inner workings and if you get triggered it shows you something inside yourself to heal/process. So you see challenge/conflict as a gift that leads you to more wholeness. You are teaching each other about self through your interactions and helping each other to grow. so the relationship and your love spirals upwards, positive growth to infinity, to Source connectedness.

Those that couple from a needy space spiral downwards into dark, murky depths of inner pain. The other doesn’t respond the way they want. They take it personally and take it as confirmation that they are not good enough, worthy or lovable. They blame the other for their pain instead of taking responsibility to heal their wounds. This escalates ultimately into separation and divorce and unfortunately repeating the pattern over and over if each doesn’t learn from their mistakes. Yes, their choices, not just the others choices.

It is up to each of us to take responsibility for our baggage and clear it up. Otherwise, we will never have a peaceful journey. Time alone allows the inner reflection and insight, awareness to dawn. It is good to have time being single then you can cling to your true partner – your heavenly father – who loves you just as you are. It is this love, this connection that you have been craving and fearing due to your many false beliefs about God and life.

Life truly can be fun and enjoyable if you heal your wounds and let the light in. Become whole in yourself then you don’t need another. Having someone as your partner is a bonus, not a necessity, and if they go it is okay as you know the next person destined to help you grow further will come when the time is right. You can not miss him/her. It is destined from before you were born. You made an agreement to meet at a certain time in your lives and share the journey together, supporting each other to grow, to know God, self and others as whole and complete.

This is the purpose of relationship, to help us evolve into loving, kind, compassionate beings who honour each other and share love and light with humanity. So be it. Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (12 June 2015).

Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

When you don’t know what to do…… do this

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Self help techniques

My higher self gave me this advice on what to do when I don’t know what to do…(22 Sept 2014).

When you don’t know what to do – ask God – instead of going into fear, panic, control.

  • Breathe deeply deep-breath1
  • Surrender the situation to God
  • Ask for help from the Angels
  • Listen for answers
  • Act – based from the heart, what would love do now?
  • Invite in colours, solar light to assist. Surround the scene and all involved with love and light
  • Talk heart to heart with their souls
  • Be at peace – mirror peace to others, so they too can find that space / vibration
  • Send love to those parts of you that feel nervous. Reassure them that they are safe and okay. Invite Angels to hold their hands, help them heal, go play

What is the purpose of life?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Conscious Evolution, Personal Development

waterfallsLife on Earth is an opportunity for souls to grow and evolve past their current limitations into wholeness with God and the Universe. Each soul starts out with a clean slate and life after life they experience different events to learn from. This helps them evolve into God-likeness, to remember their divine qualities.

We are all born of God and have the knowledge and answers within us. We lose or forget these when we incarnate on Earth and life teaches us this information as we go along. We get to experience and feel it. When in spirit we only know it. There is a powerful difference. One so tangible that souls choose to incarnate to feel it, to know the depths of sadness, grief, despondency and the ecstasy of joy, happiness and bliss.

Earth is the only place that souls can feel these opposites, live in duality. So we keep coming back life after life to learn these opposites and become whole in our knowledge of life’s experiences.

There is no bad luck or karma as such. You agree on what you are to experience and learn and from whom before you incarnate. You make agreements with other souls to harm or help you along the way. It is the same thing really. Even someone who betrays you is really helping you. How could you learn to forgive if there was nothing done to you that was hard to let go of. How could you learn to be kind and caring unless you knew what it felt like to be treated poorly and decided not to do that to others. All of life’s experiences are designed to help you evolve and grow and they do.

Support is always available to help you through the challenging moments. You just have to ask for help and it is there. God, Jesus, the angels and archangels are all by your side waiting to support you when you ask. When times are tough ask for their assistance, ask for clarity as to what you are going through and what you are meant to learn from it. Ask them to take the burden and lighten your load. They can help shift heavy emotions out of your body and field if you are willing to feel them and let them go. Just breathe through such emotions – whether it is fear, grief, anger, shame. Breathe through it. Just witness the emotion and let it flow through you to completion. When you allow emotion to flow it can be released fully. If you hold it in or resist feeling it, it stays stuck inside you.

If you don’t learn a lesson with one person you may create a similar situation with another person. This is not a mistake. Don’t beat yourself up about it. It just shows that the lesson you are mastering is a hard one and you need to learn different aspects of it until you get it. purpose be happyThere truly is celebrations in Heaven as we master our challenges and overcome our pasts, as we open our hearts to love, God, peace and happiness. For these are our natural state which we can abide in most of the time once we have learned not to judge self or others, once we have forgiven self and others and we don’t take the actions of others personally.

Life becomes an entertaining journey of witnessing the evolution occurring within each person and society in general. You are all moving forward rapidly. It is wonderful to see. Trust in the process. Life will bring you the events and experiences that you need for your evolution. You don’t have to make it happen. It is all pre-set and you can’t miss it or mess it up. It all comes to you in divine timing to assist you to awaken to the light and see the glory of life, love, evolution and God. It is all helping you evolve. Your darkest moments lead to the greatest light. They are transformational.

When you are on your knees in pain from loss of a loved one or other tragedy, it is then that you are on the precipice of change. It is then that your ego cracks open to see the possibility of God, to call out for help. You accept that you can’t do it on your own and you call out to God. God answers, gives you strength and courage to get through. Your angels and guides support you as you learn to stand despite your circumstances, as you learn to look within and find your strength.

It is miraculous how the dark turns to light as soon as you flick the switch and light up the room. Most of you just don’t know how to process your emotions quickly and effectively. You have learned to fear them, swallow them, hide them for fear of others teasing you, thinking less of you or rejecting you. When the truth is all humans go through strong emotions and losses throughout life. It may occur at different times, but all experience the gamut of experiences there is to experience. Everyone will go through loss, grief, betrayal, shame and guilt. So why not support each other, accept it as part of life. There is no need to hide it. Heal it instead! Break free of it and enjoy life. You are learning that all emotions and experiences are okay. They are part of the ebb and flow of life on Earth.

You chose to come to Earth to feel and learn what it is like to be in duality. No one forced you to come or sent you bad things. You chose prior to incarnating what you would do and with whom. You chose what experiences you wanted to learn the various lessons you wished to master.

Many of you chose multiple life themes to learn as you were eager to evolve quickly. Sometimes it can feel like too much. Rest assured you will only be given what you can handle. Support is always there you just have to ask. Reach out to others, find the right book, movie or song that gives you insight or relax and sleep. Sleep allows you to go home and access divine guidance while your body is resting. It really is extremely important that you get a good nights sleep. Don’t stay up late wasting time with TV or other distractions.

purpose find giftLife is about the journey of awakening, of coming to know your true self, of clearing out your baggage and emotions so that you can be your authentic self at all times. This frees you to be of service in the unique way that you can because of your unique gifts. Each of us has a purpose to fulfill and it waits underneath our personality challenges until we are ready to step forth and integrate it.

It truly is a wonderful journey. Don’t be stuck in pain. Reach past it to the light. We are here to help. Blessed BE. Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (18 June 2015)
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

The lessons I have learned from my life’s challenges

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Conscious Evolution

lakeRick Warren provides a list of questions to reflect on p292 in his book ‘The purpose driven life’. I asked my higher self to answer them. This is what I channeled (11 Mar 2015).

What has God taught me from failure?

  • Not to be egoic, that you are not superior to others
  • That intellectual achievements do not bring happiness
  • That hiding in your mind is depressing and unfulfilling
  • That connection with others is what matters most
  • That you always have enough. God brings work when it is needed. Surrender to his plan, rather than your own. Let go of goals, plans, dreams that are ego based and live from the heart for God and humanity and the Earth.

What has God taught me from a lack of money?

  • That more always comes
  • That success is not determined by wealth
  • To be humble
  • To feel my pain, not hide in work
  • To love everyone – not just the successful. Be proud of all, not judgmental, for everyone has their challenges.

What has God taught me from pain, sorrow, depression?

  • That I can survive and heal
  • That it is challenging to resolve and takes time
  • That all people go through it in some way in their lifetime
  • To smile despite it, to overcome it, to enjoy life
  • Not to compare with other people’s journeys or judge people’s actions. You don’t know their pain that leads their actions. Forgive those who hurt you, for they only hurt others due to their own pain, defenses, inability to feel and connect from the heart.
  • To pray for help and fall to my knees asking for God’s help – to let God in, believe he exists, to seek him and believe in his ability to solve all situations
  • To be patient and accept life happens in God’s timing not mine, that his will matters more than my own.
  • To love each other no matter what.

What has God taught me through waiting?

  • Patience – I haven’t learned it fully yet!
  • To be in the moment and trust God, to live each day as my last and have fun, honor each other and be of service in whatever ways I can be
  • To know I am given what I need, not necessarily what I want
  • To look at what I want and question why and what for it is wanted, to let go of the want and trust God to bring what is best for me – flow with what is, accept what is.
  • Choose peace not frustration. Don’t fight what is. It’s pointless and makes you miserable.
  • Celebrate with gratitude what you have and what will come. Love it all, the highs and the lows, seeing that it all helps in your evolution and growth. It is all part of God’s plan for you and he knows best. Even though we resist this notion it is the truth. God’s truth. Surrender and BE.

What has God taught me through illness?

  • How much I love my parents and don’t want to see them suffer
  • How sad I would be to lose those I love, even though I don’t let them very close or spend time with them
  • To pray to God for their health to return, to love them and not try to fix them, to offer assistance, but accept their right to refuse it. To let go of judgments of people’s life choices and accept them and their choices. To respect their right to live the way they are.
  • To accept sometimes people’s pain is so deep they can’t see a way through it or face their demons. Send them love. There but for the grace of God go I. There but for the grace of God go I. We all play out all scenarios in different life times and each goes through it, so be kind and loving to all.
  • Without challenge we wouldn’t know triumph. Without pain we wouldn’t know joy and freedom. Without cold we wouldn’t know warm or hot. Without pain and loss, we wouldn’t appreciate or value what we have. It all serves a purpose. Great loss, great tragedy helps us stop, pause, reflect on our life and release the emotions buried within. It creates opportunity for significant change, reevaluation of how we live life. It serves a purpose. It brings people together. It gets people talking and reconnecting. It unites us in our grief for a lost one. It serves a purpose.
  • Accept life’s tragedies as stepping stones to greatness and know it is all perfect in the eyes of God and for your evolutionary growth. Nothing is wasted or inconsequential. It all has meaning. Amen.

What has God taught me through disappointment?

  • Not to give up. To trust. To persevere. To carry on. To choose joy anyway. To let go of control and surrender to what is. To live in the moment and not try to force my will to manifest, my desires, to surrender to God’s will and accept that.
  • To let go of the past and pain. To see how it poisons the present and future if you hold onto your baggage.
  • To see the pointlessness of being disappointed and resentful. Forgive everyone for all they do, so you have peace and happiness. Value peace and happiness above all else. Choose peace in all circumstances. Yes, be passionate about your chosen course, but do so with a peaceful and loving attitude. No fighting against. Just loving, educating, supporting and nurturing change. Joyfully uniting for a cause, to spread love and wisdom.

What have I learned from my family, church, relationship, small group, critics?

  • To forgive them and accept them
  • To understand each has their version of the truth and story to tell. Each has a unique journey.
  • To stop rescuing, judging, trying to fix or change anyone
  • To love them as they are and let them in. That it is a cold, lonely life when you isolate yourself so much from others as protection
  • Allow people close, see their light, let people love you.
  • Most people, if not all, are not trying to hurt you. It is your own projections onto them that lead to fear. Yes, set boundaries where needed and speak your truth about how you want to be treated, but accept people as they are. Don’t lose sleep, your joy over others choices and actions. You can’t control them and they can’t control you. So let go of the fight, the conflict, the pain and choose peace. Work together for good, for harmony, for love.
  • Life is not black and white. Churches aren’t all good and Christians aren’t all loving. Some are, some aren’t. Same as all of life. Each is at a different level of consciousness and growth. God does live there. Jesus is real and present when called upon, but you don’t have to be in a church building to do so. Gather with like minded souls and celebrate life. Celebrate in whatever form feels right to you. No right or wrong. Just love. Amen.

What are the most common parenting mistakes to avoid?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Parenting

Happy kidsAnything that harms the child is not desirable. Most do not realise the damage their actions cause. It is not harmless to smack your child. It teaches your child to fear you, to not trust you, to keep you at a distance, when a parent is the person the child should be able to trust and share with.

Likewise yelling and belittling a child makes them feel unsafe, unloved, unwanted and not good enough. No sane adult would want anyone to feel like that, but we don’t realise that is exactly what our children think and feel when they see us rage in frustration at them.

It is fine to say “Mummy or Daddy needs time out now, I am upset with your behaviour, it wasn’t very nice and I need to calm down before I can play some more”. It is fine to say that. It is not okay to call the child selfish, stupid, dumb, etc or worse to say they ruin everything, you wish they hadn’t been born, etc. Sadly many children do hear such things and it is like a dagger to the heart.

Instead role model to them the behaviour and style of interacting that you do want them to see and do. Show them how to be kind, caring and compassionate to others. What you do they learn. They learn much more from your behaviour than your words. Many don’t acknowledge this as it is inconvenient and does place a responsibility on you to role model appropriate behaviours at all times.

Remember it is okay to say “Mummy is tired and needs to rest or to have quiet time”. The child knows what it is like to be tired and can appreciate that. He/She then knows it is not that you are rejecting them, it is just that you need time to rest or time for yourself.

Meet their emotional needs then they can be more understanding of yours and help you meet them. A child whose cup has been filled with love and attention does not need to chase after you all day begging for love. He/She does not need to yell and scream to be noticed or to get attention. They can play quietly, happily knowing that they are loved and feel safe in their world.

A child exposed to volatile emotions, fighting, parental breakup, etc. is going to be traumatised and need support to process their emotions – fear, anger and grief. They will need extra hugs. They will need time together and to be reassured that it is not their fault that the fighting is occurring. They need to know it is Mummy and Daddy’s business and not about them, that they are still loved, wanted and appreciated.

Too many children end up being the comforters of their parents in pain, rather than the parents comforting the children. This should stop. It is not the natural order of things and children who go through this suppress their own needs to be Mum or Dad’s little helper or hero. They are not meant to be your sounding board for your problems. They are not meant to know the details of your marital problems.

To do so fills them with worry about issues they can’t fully understand or fix. It strips them of their innocence, their focus on living life joyfully in the moment. It takes them out of the moment into the future, constantly worried about what will happen next and trying to influence it or control it. They lose their ability to be a child as they are asked to be an adult too soon.

Don’t do this to your kids. Let them be kids. Let them play and marvel in nature. Let them have fun and chase butterflies. Let them play with pets and friends and know that they are loved always and all ways. That is what they need.

As a parent there are going to be times when you are tired, stressed, anxious, even angry, exhausted and burnt out. It’s important that you take care of yourself so that you feel good, so you have energy. That makes it easier for you to be kind and positive in your interactions with your child.

It’s not easy being a parent. Make sure you are taking time to exercise, to eat well, to do activities you love. Don’t try to do it all alone. Form a tribe of supportive people around you to help you when you need it.

Rest when you need to. Don’t push through till you are exhausted. It’s okay if things aren’t perfect. It’s okay to take it easy some times, to accept what is – you are at your limit to cope and need to rest and balance up.

You can use a wide range of tools to help you balance up. You can go for a walk in nature, pat your pets, draw, paint or do a hobby you enjoy, catch up with friends. All of these types of activities help your body to calm and your mood to elevate. You can use Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) to release the stress and tension of the day, to relax your nervous system and calm down, enabling better quality sleep and more positive relating with your child.

They sense when you’re wound up and stressed out. Their nervous system tunes into yours and they can react emotionally, chaotically if they sense danger, lack of safety or unavailability because you are stressed out or not coping.

Don’t turn to substances to numb out from your situation. Too many people turn to alcohol, TV, shopping, gambling, smoking, drugs, etc. to some for of addiction, to escape temporarily from the burdens they carry. This helps distract themselves from the pain, but it doesn’t resolve it.

Take action instead to heal, to release the stress, tension and trauma, so that you can be more joyful and present with your children, so you can enjoy life more fully. With processes like meditation and TRE it can be done quite quickly only requiring 10-20 minutes of your time and you can do it for free at home once you’ve learned how to do it. It is well worth investing the time to support yourself so you can be happier and healthier for you and your kids.

By Jodi-Anne (15 June 2015).

Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and HEALING FROM CHILD ABUSE pages of this website.

Why does child abuse occur?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Conscious Evolution, Self help techniques

bonding with dadChild abuse occurs because individuals are hurt and disconnected from God. It is their pain that lashes out and is taken out on the children. They could instead hand that pain to God, ask for it to be healed and trust it will be in time. Yes, it is part of the evolution of souls, however, God would rather we find his love quickly, not suffer, but he gave us free will and will not interfere. He doesn’t want us to suffer. He calls out to us quickly and often, but many don’t hear.

It truly can be heaven on earth if we allow it and make it so. Choose to by focusing on peace and love, being God-centered and spreading his love and message, his call to assist us to return to love. No need for abuse or learning the slow, hard way, but that is what we choose with our thoughts, reactions to events and our mistrust of life.

If we give over our emotions to him, if we pray to him for help, if we trust that help comes, then we can have peace, accepting and flowing through life events rather than fighting and resisting them. That is the key – accept and allow, flow through whatever occurs and choose peace and love regardless of the outer situation. Trust it will shift. Be grateful for it and see it occurring. Use your skills and wisdom to ride through any storm. Choose peace. So be it. Blessed BE.

By Jodi-Anne (29 Jan 2015).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.