June 2013 – Page 3 – Jodi-Anne's Insights into Peace and Happiness

What is sustainability?

7 June 2013 by Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Sustainability

Caring for the Earth, living as sustainably as possible.

Channeled from Source/God/Universe/Whatever (25 May 2013).

Sustainability is not about going without. It is about living fully in your heart and in harmony with the Earth. It is a state of wholeness and harmony, not one of sacrifice and drudgery. Sustainability simply means to live in ways that do not deplete the Earth’s resources to a massive extent. It is choosing to live more simply, with what you need rather than continuously consuming more and more and more to fulfil unnecessary wants.

When we find peace within we no longer need to succeed, to have fancy gadgets to be trying to impress others with our stuff. We no longer have to compete or conquer anything or anyone. We have peace and simply choose to feel that, to do activities that bring us joy and align with our unique purpose.

Today’s consumerist society encourages us to use, use, use. To buy, buy, buy, but this just leads to waste, to debt, to feeling burdened and trapped by all our stuff, by wanting more and by feeling empty inside, unfulfilled, frantic and desperate, rushing around for no real purpose except going through the motions – Many feel like a hamster on a spinning wheel. They do the same thing day in day out, year after year and then wonder why they feel so lost. Reconnecting to your heart, to Spirit and freedom can help shift these feelings, this drudgery and help you find peace.

Channeled by Jodi-Anne (25 May 2013).

See more answers to pertinent life questions on the Life Insights page of this website.

My 10 life principles.

7 June 2013 by Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Conscious Evolution

These 10 life principles represent my intentions. I am not yet able to live according to them fully all the time, but I continue to work towards it, forgiving myself when I slip and realigning as required.

1. I honour everyone and everything (including myself) – I harm nothing

I honour everyone and everything that I encounter in life. Acknowledging that everyone and everything is a part of God and is expressing its self in the most loving way that it knows how at this point in time. I know that a smile given can brighten any dark day and that energy given freely can inspire people to heal the deepest pain.

2. I TRUST – I reject nothing

I TRUST the Universe, God / Goddess. I know that everything happens for a reason. Any challenges I face are here to help me learn and grow. I am grateful for all I experience. I know that I may not understand why something is happening now, but I know that in the future the reason will become clear as the connections and unfolding occurs in my life. I know I am safe and guided and that the Universe is a loving place. I surrender and trust.

3. I stay open to see what unfolds – I judge nothing

I accept that anything that I judge as good or bad in another is a reflection of that issue inside me. I accept that anyone hurting another is expressing their internal pain and their need for love. I send them love and don’t react or take it personally. All who wound are wounded inside. I forgive all who I have reacted to in the past including my family and myself. I take responsibility for healing my wounds and not projecting them onto others. When I do unconsciously project, I observe, notice and learn from it, so that I don’t do that particular form of projection again.

4. I feel the fear and do it anyway – I fear nothing

I know that anything that scares me is showing me an opportunity for growth. I take a deep breath and feel the feelings and hear the thoughts associated with the fear. I do whatever I need to do to calm myself down, heal the associated issues and then face the fear. I release the associated emotions. I know that ultimately nothing can hurt me as I am God expressed, as is everything else surrounding me. We are all one. I am not my body or my mind or my possessions – those are just things I’ve used to falsely define who I am.

5. I let life unfold, listen, allow – I fight nothing

I let life unfold, following my inner guidance and synchronicities rather than trying to control or force things to happen. I trust that if something is difficult to do then I’m not meant to walk through that door right now. I trust that whatever flows and occurs easily is right on path and I should walk through those doors with an open heart and mind. I let God lead my life and let go of all desires. When something challenges me I look to the past – what event or person is it reminding me of? What is it triggering in me? Why? What do I need to do to heal that? Usually it’s just acknowledging it, release the associated emotions, let go of that event, defense mechanism, pattern and forgive. Having done that, what does the current situation now mean to me? Usually the challenge is gone and gratitude is there for the healing and learning the current situation has enabled me to do.

6. I play – I do not get serious over anything

I take the time to enjoy life and the blessings all around me. I see the beauty in nature and in people. I surround myself with colour and light-filled friends who have the innocence of children and can play together in innocent and loving ways. I listen to and honour my inner child’s needs. I BE a loving parent to her. I thank her for surviving and enabling me to grow into who I am. She is amazing!

If I find myself caught in seriousness, I stop, observe what got me caught, breathe, relax my body, adjust my posture and laugh at the situation. I remind myself that ultimately it doesn’t matter. Doing this reduces the likelihood that I’ll get caught up by the same event in future as I’ll notice when it starts to happen earlier and earlier until it doesn’t catch me at all.

7. I share, help, support – I don’t hide

I have the courage to share my story and experiences to help others heal. I honour them in their journey and provide them with tools to help them understand why they have developed the defense mechanisms and personality that they’ve used to survive their life. I provide tools to help them understand and accept themselves and their past – to see the purpose of it and get a glimpse at their unique purpose this lifetime. I trust that this will assist them to find greater self-love, which enables them to love others and the environment. This is my purpose this time on Earth – to enable people to heal, to love themselves, others and the environment – to FEEL, to live from their hearts. It is all connected – we need individual sustainability, as well as social and ecological sustainability.

I recognise when it is not appropriate to share my story and do not offer assistance unless it is requested. I may send energy and emotional support through empathetic facial expressions and body language, but I will not preach or push – no-one needs to be pushed (which is a form of judgment saying you should heal quicker). Most people are already pushing themselves.

I acknowledge that my impatience in the past and my desire to push others to heal was just my projection about wanting to be fully healed myself and feeling I needed to prove I was okay by showing I could help others change. I now accept that whether people change or do not change does not affect my self-worth. It is their choice and I do not control it. I trust that each person’s healing journey is unique and that God controls the timing and unfolding of it. Not me. I trust and let go.

8. I speak my truth – I don’t lie

I speak my truth in all situations. I trust that speaking my truth with respect and honouring will enable the other person the best opportunity to understand me and respond appropriately. I accept that how the other person reacts is not my responsibility and is not within my control. I accept that even if someone does react with pain that it is a perfect response, for them at this time, and that whatever needs to unfold in the future will do so. I let go of the situation and trust the Universe. Ultimately there is no good or bad. There just is what is. I accept reality.

9. I am grateful – I take nothing for granted

I am grateful for all the blessings in my life. I am grateful for my health, my home, my family, my friends, for nature that surrounds me, for the food I eat, for my work, for all that I encounter in this life and that helps me to heal and evolve. I am grateful for that which caused me pain and that which caused me joy. It all has helped me to become me. I am grateful for the future joys that I trust will come – a loving husband, children I love and nurture, and work that enables me to be of greatest service to the world. If those things don’t come I will do my best to accept it and trust that what does come is what is meant to be.

10. I am humble – Ultimately I know nothing

I accept that what I think I know is only a fraction of what there really is to know about how the Universe works and that what I think I know may not be correct. It is only my interpretation of things, my truth. Others will have their own truth. I accept that my mind is actually one of my biggest gifts and challenges – I love to learn which is great – but I have used study as a way to hide from being myself and feeling my feelings. I have used qualifications and work as a way to try and prove to myself and others that I am okay. I know now that I don’t need to do that. I know now that I am okay without all those mind-related things. I am a unique expression of the I AM and I am perfect exactly as I am. I do not need to learn, change, heal or do anything else to be okay. I am okay. We are all okay. We are all perfect just the way we are. I honour the I AM-ness in all of us.

At the same time I don’t discredit the knowledge and skills I’ve developed throughout my life and my work career. I just hold them in perspective, knowing that they are not as important as my inner wisdom and knowing. I accept that my purpose may involve using the knowledge and skills that I’ve developed, which is ultimately the deep reason why I developed them in the first place. I don’t hide and stay small using humility as a way of avoiding taking the risk of shining my light. I know I am here to be of great service. I trust that process unfolds as it is meant to.

I have the courage to do what needs to be done. I trust that my pure desire to be of selfless service will show through. I let go of expecting abuse when I stand up – I know this is residue from my past and it will only clear by my continuing to stand up and finding that I’m okay, that no-one knocks me down, and that even if they try, I survive and I am okay. I am an Adult now. I accept and honour that. I also trust that if I am to die today or tomorrow that is okay, that I will have done whatever I needed to do this lifetime and that whoever assists me to die is not harming me but reuniting me with the divine and that is a gift whenever and however it occurs.

What are your 10 life principles? This is a great exercise to do to get clear on your values.

Welcome to my healing from child abuse blog.

7 June 2013 by Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Healing from child abuse

In this section we explore healing from child abuse and becoming a healthy, fully functioning adult. Those of us who suffer painful beginnings in life have to spend many years unravelling the knots we’ve been tied up into. We have to loosen these, drop the armour, shed the fear, grief, despair and rage, to access the peace and love that was our true birth right. Finding peace is possible after abuse. It just takes time as all the buried emotions and trauma need to be relived, felt and released from the body.

If it was too painful at the time of the events we escape through leaving our body, going somewhere else in our minds or a myriad of other distraction techniques. When we do this our body stores the trauma and waits till we’re ready to feel and release it. It’s buried in our cells, locked in our joints and muscles – it is the rigidity, the frozen energy that keeps us feeling stuck in fight or flight. It cannot be avoided. It has to be felt and released. In this section of the blog/website we discuss ways to do this, ways to cope during the painful stages of the healing journey and how to move through them to find peace and happiness.

Once you clean your house – your body – of the past, you can let the light shine in fully. You can see the beauty that was always there, hidden under the dust, cobwebs and shadows. Now we get to redecorate, to add bright colours and celebrate. This is the time of ecstatic joy and gratitude, gratitude for making it through, for the new feelings of bliss and oneness, for the lessons learnt, wisdom gained and love found. It’s my honour to provide insight and support to help people along this path and into their beautiful hearts.

Behaviours of Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACoA)

7 June 2013 by Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Healing from child abuse

Adult children of alcoholics guess at what normal behaviour is.
Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end.
Adult children of alcoholics lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.
Adult children of alcoholics judge themselves without mercy.
Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty having fun.
Adult children of alcoholics take themselves very seriously.
Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty with intimate relationships.
Adult children of alcoholics overreact to changes over which they have no control.
Adult children of alcoholics constantly seek approval and affirmation.
Adult children of alcoholics usually feel that they are different from other people.
Adult children of alcoholics are super responsible or super irresponsible.
Adult children of alcoholics are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved.
Adult children of alcoholics are impulsive. They tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviours or possible consequences. This impulsivity leads to confusion, self-loathing, and loss of control over their environment. In addition, they spend an excessive amount of energy cleaning up the mess.
Adult children of alcoholics often isolate themselves and have few meaningful personal relationships.
Adult children of alcoholics often have feelings of powerlessness.
Adult children of alcoholics may strongly fear abandonment or criticism, retaining an abnormally strong, essentially unmet, need for approval and affection.

Compiled many years ago by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith from:

Ackerman RJ, 1987, Children of alcoholics – a guide for parents, educators & therapists, Simon & Schuster, Fireside

Geringer Woititz J, 1983, Adult children of alcoholics, Health Communications Inc.
Jorgensen DG & Jorgensen JA, 1990, Secrets told by children of alcoholics – what concerned adults need to know, Human Services Institute

Stages of healing from child abuse

7 June 2013 by Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Healing from child abuse

While every individual will go through their own healing experience there are common healing stages. People cycle through these healing stages, moving from one to another and back again, until they have released the past and can concentrate on their present and future unhindered.

1. Acknowledging that abuse occurred

Admitting it – no more denial
Acknowledging the impacts on you & your life
Dealing with the emotions & memories
Accepting yourself & your reactions as normal
Learning to trust your self & your intuition

2. Making the decision to heal

Choosing hope over resignation or despair
Making an active commitment to change
Putting aside other demands and allowing time to experience emotions, to think about the issues, and to get the necessary help & support
Allowing the painful emotions to come up and release – dealing with the chaotic nature of this on your day to day life
Finding support – from yourself & others

3. Talking to others about the abuse

Breaking the silence
Reducing shame & guilt by acknowledging out loud that you were abused & it wasn’t your fault
Choosing who to tell, what you want from them & dealing with their reactions

4. Placing responsibility where it belongs

Recognising the abuse was the abuser’s fault, not yours – you are not to blame at all. You were a child
You are not to blame if you went along with it – the abuser had power over you & you didn’t have all the information to decide objectively – you were a child
In the case of sexual abuse, you are not to blame if your body was aroused – it’s a normal bodily response. You’re not to blame if you felt positive feelings of intimacy with the abuser – they may have been nice & loving to you when others weren’t
Any problems that arose within the family as a result of the abuse were not your fault
Identify & understand how you were tricked, bribed, threatened or coerced by the abuser – you were used & abused
You are strong though – you have survived. You can heal & create the life you want!

5. Dealing with the loss and sadness

Feeling grief over – what happened to you, your loss of innocence & childhood, the loss of trust, sadness that the relationships weren’t the way you would have liked them to be, sadness over the impact of the abuse on you throughout your life
If you get depressed, get help to move through it
Feel all these feelings, talk to safe people about them, release the emotion – the intensity will pass

6. Expressing anger

Feeling anger over what happened
Expressing anger towards the abuser & others involved, rather than at yourself (This is done in safe & constructive ways in private, not necessarily with the actual people involved)
Letting go of the need for retaliation
Building self assertion & strength

7. Working through the difficulties caused by the abuse

Working through difficult physical, social, emotional & behavioural problems
Working through unhelpful beliefs about oneself, about abuse or about life in general

8. Building a future

Accepting the abuse happened & it is part of the past
Development of self acceptance & self respect
Acknowledging the wisdom & strengths you’ve gained from surviving the abuse
Overcoming residual feelings of vulnerability & lack of confidence
Dealing with fear & planning ways to take care of yourself in different situations
Setting goals & taking steps to create the life you want
Feeling more in control of your life

Summarised many years ago by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith from: MacDonald K, Lambie I & Simmonds L, 1995, Counselling for sexual abuse. A therapists guide for working with adults, children and families, Oxford University Press, London, pgs 30-43.

Art work is Jodi-Anne’s original art therapy drawings.